[promoted by BooMan. Although, at least one Tribber thinks Niger has some cool stuff to see, Stevie D takes the Rovians to the woodshed]

It seems the latest discussion of the Karl Rove/Joseph Wilson/Valerie Plame-he said-she-said-he-said-affair (try saying that 5 times really fast) involves the talking point from Rove’s Republican apologists that Mrs. Un-named person arranged for an all expense paid vacation for her hubby to the exotic African country of Niger courtesy of the CIA.  In other words, they say ambassador Wilson’s trip to Niger was nothing more than a boondoggle:

boon·dog·gle  n.

[1]  An unnecessary or wasteful project or activity.

[2]  . . . work of little or no value done merely to look busy.

Now I’d never heard of Niger as being a vacation hotspot before, but maybe it has charms that have, until now, lain undiscovered by the general public.  Maybe we’ve all been missing out on a great place to visit.  Certainly worth looking into, thought I to myself.

Join me after the break for the results of my research into Niger, Land of Enchantment (with apologies to New Mexico).
Being a lover of all things combining sand and surf, I immediately went to work to find out which beach resort in Niger would be the best bargain.  Sadly, I discovered that Niger has no beach resorts since it is (unfortunately for beach aficionados like myself) landlocked (i.e., it has no access to the ocean).  So, okay, no surfing, scuba diving or parasailing over the ocean on this trip.

This doesn’t mean I have to forego sand on my planned vacation to Niger, though.  Luckily, Niger is predominantly desert plains and sand dunes, so I’m sure we can cobble together a beach volleyball game somewhere, even if we have no beach so to speak.  Who needs all that water anyway?

Now some of you (i.e., the swinging singles crowd) are wondering perhaps if it’s likely you’d run into enough young and carefree natives like yourselves ready willing and able to engage in romantic endeavors with attractive foreigners?  I have good news for you.  Niger’s population is on the youthful end of the demographic spectrum, with a median age of 16 and 1/4 years.  And for the guys even better news:  women outnumber the men!  In addition, I have it on good authority that for the most part they keep themselves nice and slender thanks to the beneficial diet they all are on:

In Niger four million people (one third of the population) face a catastrophic famine. An early end of the rains and then the locust invasion have led to this serious food crisis. Officials in Niger say that millions in Niger are relying on food aid to survive because the country suffered a shortfall of 223,000 tons of millet, maize and sorghum in the 2004-2005 harvest.

In addition, even though “Tourism facilities are minimal” it should be noted that:

Ecotourism and adventure tourism opportunities are plentiful.

So make sue to bring your camping gear!

Now, I don’t want to put a damper on anyone’s enthiusiasm, but there are a few things about Niger that one should be aware of before booking your plane tickets and hotel reservations.  It is primarily an Islamic country, though fortunately not one in which you need to worry about suicide bombers blowing up your bus or train — at least not yet.  As the State Department notes:

U.S. citizens are advised to avoid street demonstrations and maintain security awareness at all times.

Probably a good idea to take off any American flag decals from your luggage, or at least cover them up with a friendly Canadian Maple Leaf.

In addition, those of you who have a fear of needles may want to look elsewhere.  You see, it seems Niger has a bit of an infectious disease problem:

Malaria is prevalent in Niger.  Plasmodium falciparum malaria, the serious and sometimes fatal strain in Niger, is resistant to the anti-malarial drug chloroquine.  Because travelers to Niger are at high risk for contracting malaria, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) advises that travelers should take one of the following antimalarial drugs: mefloquine (Lariam -tm), doxycycline, or atovaquone/proguanil (Malarone -tm).  The CDC has determined that a traveler who is on an appropriate antimalarial drug has a greatly reduced chance of contracting the disease.  Other personal protective measures, such as the use of insect repellents, also help to reduce malaria risk.

. . . Tap water is unsafe to drink throughout Niger and should be avoided.  Bottled water and beverages are safe, although visitors should be aware that many restaurants and hotels serve tap water.  Ice made from tap water is also unsafe to consume.

Information on vaccinations and other health precautions, such as safe food and water precautions and insect-bite protection, may be obtained from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s hotline for international travelers at 1-877-FYI-TRIP (877-394-8747); fax: 1-888-CDC-FAXX (1-888-232-3299), or via CDC’s Internet site at http://www.cdc.gov/travel.

In addition, it does appear that Niger may have a bit of a crime problem:

Crime is at a critical level due primarily to the amount of thefts, robberies, and residential break-ins, and because of attempts of bribery and extortion aimed at foreigners by law enforcement authorities.  Thefts and petty crimes are common day or night.  However, armed attacks are normally committed at night by groups of two to four persons, with one assailant confronting the victim with a knife while the others provide surveillance or a show of force.  Tourists should not walk alone around the Gaweye Hotel, National Museum, and on or near the Kennedy Bridge at any time, or the Petit Marche after dark.  These areas are especially prone to muggings and should be avoided. Walking at night is not recommended as streetlights are scarce and criminals have the protection of darkness to commit their crimes.  Recent criminal incidents in Niger have included carjackings, home invasions, and muggings.  In December 2000, an American was killed in a carjacking incident in Niamey, and another American was gravely wounded in a carjacking incident outside of Niamey in 2004.

In August 2004, an attack against 2 buses on the Agadez-Arlit road left 3 dead and numerous persons wounded.  Due to continued sporadic incidents of violence and banditry and other security concerns, the Department of State urges U.S. citizens visiting or residing in Niger to exercise caution when traveling within the northern and eastern parts of the country, especially along the borders of Mali, Libya, Algeria and Chad.  Given the insecurity along these border regions, the Department of State recommends that American citizens in Niger avoid traveling overland to Algeria and Libya.

In previous attacks, groups of foreign travelers, including Americans, have been robbed of vehicles, cash and belongings.  The government of Niger is taking steps to address crime/banditry but operates under severe resource constraints.

Use caution and common sense at all times to avoid thieves and pickpockets.  

My recommendation: take a lot of those American Express traveler’s checks.  You know if they are lost or stolen [blah, blah blah — insert basic American Express advertisement language here].

Now before you get your knickers all in a twist and start saying “Why oh why, Steven D, would you ever recommend Niger as a vacation spot after all that?”, let me just say two words: it’s cheap.  After all, in Niger those dollars of yours that are tanking against the Euro probably still look pretty good to most of the citizens of Niger:

One of the poorest countries in the world, Niger’s economy is based largely on subsistence crops, livestock, and some of the world’s largest uranium deposits. Drought cycles, desertification, a 3.3% population growth rate, and the drop in world demand for uranium have undercut an already marginal economy.

And as we all know, friends, saving money, whether on taxes or vacations is all that really matters.  So go to sunny Niger and party like it’s 1899!

DISCLAIMER:  Diarist did not receive any funds or other compensation from the Niger Tourism Industry for writing this diary.