There seem to be a lot going around the site lately and I am no exception.
I don’t have a purpose for this diary other than to share and let you know how much I’ve appreciated the support and encouragement I’ve received from all of you these last 6+ months (has it really been that long since I hopped over to the frog pond?).
I’ve learned so much from each of you and am so happy you came into my life, even if it has been virtually.
Last night my husband of 11 years and I decided to separate. We will be making our transition in the next couple of months and deciding all the usual, who keeps which dogs (I have 3 and neither one of us can afford to take all of them), which books, the computer, etc. (I’m pretty sure I don’t have to worry about my CIV IV game though although I should probably get that in writing… 😉
It’s been something that has been in the works for years now and neither of us has been strong enough to tell the other we needed more. He’s my best friend and one of the most wonderful people I have ever known so we will continue to share our love with each other for the rest of our lives. It hurts, but it had to happen. Surprisingly we are both on the same page… funny how you find things out when you actually communicate honestly with each other… We will both come out of this better for it. And who knows what life holds ultimately? But it is time to take a chance and let fate decide.
Add to that the fact that I am currently unemployed and the stress is a bit compounded 😉 but I’ll be okay, at least that’s what I keep telling myself…
So bootribbers, it’s been a rough year, politically, personally, and emotionally, but I have the one thing no one can take away from me… Hope for the future. And a belief that I can be the change I seek.
So if I drop in and out of the frog pond as these changes happen (I promise I won’t stay away too long… especially if Fitzmas comes sooner rather than later ;), don’t worry about me, I’ll be back.
And I really have to finish a piece I’m working on one of these days so I’ll probably be stopping by more frequently until I find gainful employment and have to move.
Anyway, it’s been an emotional weekend for me with catnip leaving, Boo sharing his divorce and Susan’s mom and brother, all while I’m going through almost the exact same situation.
I lost both parents a few years ago, my dad was out of my life when I was 13 and I found out he died on the streets of Toronto when I was still living in LA and my mom is mentally ill and I had to remove her from my life around the same time so I could keep going in mine. All that to say, it’s been tough. So if I’ve lost my snark and offended anyone (leezy I’m thinking specifically of you here), I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to, it’s just been rough.
Ugh, this is way too sappy and serious… and I’m going to stop before I totally ruin my rep 🙂
Namaste
~ spider
Hugs to you, my friend. I’ll make sure to shoot you an email if Fitzmas arrives and you’ve been on hiatus. 🙂
(((spiderleaf)))
Thanks Man E… you better… I can’t freakin’ miss that… I’ve been waiting since Dec 2000 for Fitzmas! 🙂
Life’s sure dealing out some tough ones around here lately.
For what it’s worth, my sort-of-ex and I are great friends. (I call him sort-of-ex because even though we’ve been separated for a million years, we could never quite bring ourselves to do the legalities of an actual divorce.) He and I and another friend have dinner every Sunday night. Some people think that’s very odd, but that’s their problem. In my world, people you love who love you back are hard to come by. I’m hanging on to all of them as best as I am able, including sort-of-ex. Even if staying married turned out to not be quite the right thing for us.
Transitions are always hard, even if they lead to a better place. One of my (many) mottoes is “Onward through the fog!” Keep on muddling through and you’ll get to where you need to be.
Thanks Janet, I really appreciate it.
And I feel the same way – I couldn’t imagine someone I love that much not in my life anymore. Luckily he feels the same. So onward we will go and figure out where we’re heading along the way.
But life is short (just ask the Iraqi’s) and you have to be true to yourself.
((hugs))
It’s happened a lot in our family, both the divorces and some of the mental issues too.
Stop by when you can, be eccentric, be crazy, it’ll help.
You can call them changes, but mostly they are learning experiences, same/same.
I too always thought them life changes, until one day Earth Mother wrapped her loving arms around me, and I awoke to the Circle of Life, and what a wonderful self healing time it has been. For when a mother cradles her infant in her arms, it forms a circle, and that circle is the life in which we live and die. Coming full circle is the awarness itself of all that we are.
Those that are encountered in that circle will remain with us for that eternity, and that in itself is our Circle of Life.
When these circles intertwine, they form a chain, and all these chains are linked to a common thread, that combined form a strong cable. All this combined will lift the load of life. That load is known to us as Hope.
So continue your journey friend, and you will find that allthough your paths may lead in different directions from time to time, they will all come to the same destination. The Circle of Life
May the Sun shine upon your face, and be your guide to the Spirit of Light.
May the wind always be at your back, to fill your sails.
May the stars shine brightly in those dark hours of night, to guide your life’s ship upon dark and ominous waters. For those stars are the guides in the darkness.
May Hope always be your constant.
Never let the clouds block your vision, for always behind them, is the light. See through them with your wisdom, and Hope will always vanquish them.
Stay true to your heart, for it is your Hope
Namaste my friend, and may our ships be tied to our “peers” in troubled waters, so that we may sail the calm waters of life safely, and mostly, in harmony.
Thank you, for being in my Circle of Life
Wado
Ronald White Wolf
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Very little can be added to your poetic entry on life’s experiences.
Greatly appreciated the caring in BooMan’s community, as we had to offer condolences to Susan, support for BooMan yesterday and the loss of a dear daughter by wolverine writer.
The greatness in finding a new path in life lies in the decision itself and the hope for sustenance in the future. To remain good friends and to avoid the anger brought by emotional hurt is a magnificent achievement.
Wish all of you life’s best and sympathy to find new friends, partners or just nice neighbors.
Caring (((hugs))) to all.
“Treason doth never prosper: what’s the reason?
For if it prosper, none dare call it treason.”
▼▼▼ READ MY DIARY
I expected to see a diary discussing everyone else’s changes. I found my divorce very freeing, but it was a really horrid situation that had to be ended. It did open doors, however.
Congratulations on the romoving the mom thing — not easy to do, not many understand, but when it needs to be done, it takes guts and produces good results, I think.
Best on this coming journey.
I see the Maple Leafs beat the Canadiens on Saturday so there is hope that all will be right in your world ;o)
Of course if the Rangers happen to beat the Leafs then all will be right in my world, at least for a few hours ;o)
I think many of us have been sailing close to the wind this year. Sometimes it’s best to tack away to get the wind behind us for awhile.
Good luck Spider :o)
Take care of yourself spiderleaf…hugs my friend.
There is lots of support here for the tough times as you walk this new path. Lots of giggles in the cafe when you need a laugh. We’ll keep the fires lit on the rethugs and the diaries flowing until life settles down around the pond. We are as close as an email or a diary if you need us.
I’ll light a candle for all the tribbers walking these new paths.
Blessed Be.
Jeez… What is it about this time it seems? I finalized my divorce after almost seven years this past July, then lost my job three weeks later. Thankfully, I had just barely already closed on my condo here… I don’t know what I would have done had I not…
Seth and I each kept our ‘original’ dog, no kids thankfully again, and we are now back to being the best friends that we once were. We were just not healthy for each other in a marriage…
Within the past four-ish weeks, I have one friend who’s mother had died, after thinking she’d be coming home from the hospital; another who’s father is seriously ill and the hospital is kicking him out Dec. 1; and yet another who’s grandfather is now stabilized but still seriously ill… I feel exhausted…
Big hugs to you sweetie. Anyway, I say all of the above to you if you need to commiserate with one who has been there… Even when a divorce is amicable, it can be damn hard still. I’m findable if you want, and the offer always stands… Take care and be well.
Peace and strength to you…
Spider…thank you for your kind words to me but I completely understand and wish you love during this time of healing. Even though you two have come to a mutual agreement that it is time to move on it is never easy.
My ex and I actually married twice(I know, I know). The thing is we really do love each other but are on very different planes or points in our seperate lives. To this day we are very good friends, spend holidays together with the kids and all that. He even comes to my sister’s every Thanksgiving. Actually he was more part of my family for many years than I was.
Take the time you need but we need you here too. Stop in when time and heart permits. Hugs my friend.
Spiderleaf, I sorry to hear about your separation and the other tought times you’ve had. I wish you the all the best, always. I guess that sharing details of our other lives is what separates Tribbers from the rest.
Spiderleaf, I’m thinking of you. We’re all here if you need anything.
What is it with this week?
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Some blame the positioning of the stars or a nearby asteroid. There are days all of us are prone to a car accident or a stumble inside the home doing household chores.
Perhaps a combination of the above. The Japanese offer a rhythm watch, to balance body and mind and to indicate days one should not take a major decision in life – it must be a commercial success. Even Nancy proposed days Ronald should take important next steps on U.S. policy.
Personally I’m a bit too rational to even contemplate any suggestion costing dear $$$.
“Treason doth never prosper: what’s the reason?
For if it prosper, none dare call it treason.”
▼▼▼ READ MY DIARY
that when one door closes, another one opens.
May all your new doors open on brighter vistas, and your new roads lead you to places of growth and peace.
Thanks for letting us know what’s going on.
That’s what makes this blog more of a “community” IMNSHO — it seems like people here take more time to let everyone know what’s going on, so if they drop out/are less visible for a few days/weeks/months, we don’t worry so much. It’s been a while since I’ve posted regularly over at the Orange Empire (I finally lost TU status, FWIW), but that place is so huge, I doubt I’ve been missed. I may never be missed here too, but at least we’re small enough and close enough that I can maintain the fiction in my own mind, at least… 🙂
Went through a rough patch in my own marriage within the last few years — we’re still married, probably through damfool stubbornness if nothing else, but we’re still working on some of the problem areas.
Blessings and peace to you and yours, and keep us posted if you need to vent…
Yes, you would be missed Cali if you dropped out of sight. I look for you comments in FBC and other diaries regularly.
There are several names that haven’t posted comments in awhile and we notice…but some let us know they would be out of touch…
So yes, those that participate here would be missed…so don’t you dare go away without letting us know!
So sorry to hear about your situation. Hope things work out to bring you greater peace and contentment.
(((((spiderleaf)))))
You are so good at expressing what so many of us here have felt. I’m sorry for your current problems, though you seem to be weathering them in ways many could not, (that includes me). It has been such a hard Fall, hard month, and hard week. It’s sunspots, a friend used to say when we’d had a run of tough times.
It is amazing and wonderful how people you have not met affect your life. You’ve been one of those people here, Spiderleaf;hope you won’t be absent too much or too long.
Thank you all, so much for you words, not just for me, but for Boo, Susan, WW, catnip, everyone. You are all so special and caring and it is what makes this place home. All of you. All of us.
I hesitated to share and thought I should just move on and see what happens, but I decided that I’ve kept my own council long enough and that sometimes there is strength in numbers.
Thank you for the kind words and support, it means so much.
Thank you for sharing yourself with us. . .not just at this time as you are stepping through new doors, but all of the times through these months. I will miss your comments and insights and hope that we will see you as often as you are able and willing.
Love is always the answer, living with those we love is not always the answer. I understand your situation, been there myself at times, and I have great admiration for your courage and willingness to walk through the doors of change. Some days will be easier than others, as you know. If ever you feel you need some extra support, know that we are all here for you and please feel free to email me anytime if you need to bend an ear, I’m always available to listen, and I have a huge supply of hugs to offer.
Hugs and all the best for you spiderleaf
Shirl
Best wishes for all involved. There’s not much I can add that hasn’t been expressed so well here already. That is what community is all about.
You’ll come through this stronger and wiser. Be sure to stay here in some way to keep yokels like me in line.
I’ve known a number of people who were able to maintain good relationships with their ex-spouses — friendship worked better for them than marriage. Still, the process of getting there can be stressful.
Best wishes to you as you go through this life change — the pond will always be here for you.
It looks like the absolute last thing I’m going to be packing is my candles! Now that I’m adding you, I’m going to have a veritable bonfire going. As someone upthread said, the best aspect of the Frog Pond is the sharing and caring here. I’ll be thinking of you and sending good vibes. Letting go of a bad relationship is the beginning of a better one — with your Self!
You’ll pick up the language quickly. You have that gift.
Hey lady –
I was planning to post a snarky comment about how you once again thanked everyone for their kind words and support before I had a chance to post, but I figured you didn’t need the added burden of fabricated guilt on top of everything else.
There have been so many recent heartbreaking events for BT members, and so many more that likely haven’t been shared. But Infidel was able to so eloquently present the circle of it all. No amount of words will erase your pain, but knowing that we care might serve to ease your pain – even just a little.
You’ve each invested over 11 years of your hearts to each other, and there’s much to be said for a love that’s been shared for over a decade. It doesn’t just disappear – whatever the state of your current relationship.
You obviously have the strength and intelligence to rid yourself of any negative influences in your life. In line with that, today’s offering of unsolicited advice includes a suggestion that you distance yourself from any friends or family members who feel compelled to disparage your husband. I highly doubt that’s what you need while you heal. And please remember this:
“Sometimes love is for a moment,
sometimes love is for a lifetime.
Sometimes a moment is a lifetime.” Paris Hilton
(While searching for a profound quote to share, I ran across the above and I couldn’t resist – but only because it came from the lips of dear Paris)
Wishing you peace. My heart is with you.
All the best to you and yours.
I’m pretty sure I saw the snark under the couch so woory not, its not lost just hiding!
OOps Make that worry!