I receive several newsletters by email subscription. One of them that arrived in my inbox today contained this gem.
It seemed especially pertanent reminder to me and the things that have been stirring up the frog pond the past few days. I thought I would share it with those who might find some value in the concept and thoughts expressed within it.
“Allow others to be who they are”
Today I would ask you to allow other people to be who they are. I would ask you to accept them at whatever stage they are in, in their lifetime and spiritual journeys. I would ask you to stop projecting on to them the person that you would have them be.
There are times when you walk through your life so strongly projecting, that other people have a presence around you only in terms of what they bring to you and your desires. And yes, of course, they are individual people, with their own histories, their own desires, their own fears and needs. And they are also much more interesting than you may give them credit for, if you would just stop, back off your own energy for a moment, and be aware of them as they are.
Today would be a wonderful day to listen, to observe, and to allow other people to just be as they are. As you do this, notice how judgmental and critical your mind is, and ask your mind to quiet down and let it all be. Tell the editor and the critic to be silent long enough for you to actually observe the people you are with. You may make an amazing discovery, that when allowed to blossom outside your criticism and judgment, and perhaps even with your positive support toward their own ends, they are really quite marvelous and fascinating.
People will surprise you endlessly, if you will allow it. People you do not want to spend a minute with, because you have judged them unacceptable in one way or another, may turn out to have a very interesting life story which led them to where they are now. And their tomorrow may be much less predictable than you think.
Give each person the great gift of allowing him or her to just be, to sparkle with originality, to shine from an inner glow that is not the same as yours.
Here is a little meditation/affirmation for today
Today, I am completely open and receptive to people as they are. I am observant and deeply present, lavishing my attention upon others as I watch them open up and shine.
Today, I will smile with joy as I watch others glow from within, free of the burden of my assumptions.
I am deeply connected to every person I meet. I am peaceful and loving. I am.
Carrie Hart & Quado
www.Quado.com
carriehart@msn.comAll contents of this newsletter are Copyright 2005 by Systematique, Inc.
This is a concept I have been embracing and doing my best to encompass in my life and actions. As you well know, I obviously need reminding from time to time. I hope that it will offer any who wish to consider this point of view a reminder or a suggestion of other possibilities in dealing with people.
Your comments and suggestions or thoughts on this are very welcome, pro or con.
Call me a curmudgeon, and you’ll be accurate. Advancing age, since I was about 25, has convinced me that vita brevis is the fulcrum on which I pretty much let all things in life either “see” or “saw.”
So, as far as “let people be who they are” goes, I say fine — to this extent. They can’t all of them be who they are around me. Go “glow” elsewhere. I have learned there are gangrenous personalities in this life who must be cut off. It’s a matter of personal survival.
There are some folks whose “surprises” I don’t want to know about. Period.
A perfectly sane and reasonable choice from your perspective. I am not sure any of us would wish to spend time with those who feel as you describe them.
From my life of learning I have learned for myself only there is always a higher perspective than the one I currently hold. It works in my life. It may not work in others and there is nothing to judge in that.
Thanks for sharing your views.
Well, this is going to sound like an attack, but it’s NOT.
That logic–the notion of “cancerous” or as you say “gangrenous” personalities who must be “excised” or cut off–precisely that logic was one of the “arguments” the Nazis used to justify the “eradication” of Jews and other forms of “life unworthy of living”–(this is FACT, not opinion: see, for example, Robert J. Lifton, The Nazi Doctors: Medical Killing and the Psychology of Genocide). It’s not my “opinion”. It is de facto one of the primary “arguments” the Nazis used to justify the eradication of Jews.
I respect your desire to not necessarily want to be around certain people or have them in your presence and that is, of course, everyone’s right, but really….think about the implications of the statement you are making there.
Mind-boggling.
The ONLY implication is cut off from my association. Draw the veil. Keep away.
We’re talking personalities here, not bodies.
What were you thinking? And where does all the Nazi talk come from? Killing business? Huh?
You have leaped a logical chasm that I’m unable to follow you across. Sorry.
Hold up.
For one thing, as a “Germanist” (that is technically what I have a degree in) specializing in 20th century, more specifically, in “comparative genocide”, I am pretty much immersed in “Nazi culture” and ideology on a daily basis, and have been for the past 20 yrs or so.
Second, based on that knowledge (which includes many intense discussions with many people who actually lived through or escaped the Nazi era), I am pretty convinced that what we’ve got going on in this country fits the definition of “fascism.” I deal with Nazi ideology and language every single day. I am becoming increasingly alarmed with the parallels I see in American culture. Five years ago–it was pretty much limited to the reactionary right wing. Not so anymore. It’s everywhere, and few people notice, perhaps because they lack the concrete comparison. I do notice it-if for no other reason than the fact that “studying Nazism” makes up a good part of my job.
The problem–and what a lot of people don’t seem to understand about fascism–is that it is not “containable”, that is, it does not restrict itself to the ruling body, the ruling class or the mainstream. You cannot stop it from spreading.
Fascist linguistic and thought structures creep insidiously into the minds and mouths of the entire populace without their even knowing it. This is the goal of propaganda, and it works.
The kind of argument you made–whether you mean it metaphorically or literally–is a “fascist” one (pls do not go ballistic on me; no, I’m not saying you’re a fascist)–I’m saying the logic in that argument is fascist (and that is fact).
Most people I know who are familiar with the workings of fascism either from direct experience of the Nazi regime or from the study of it agree: the fascist structures are no longer just “creeping” into Americans’ thought and speech (and in some ways, in behavior) patterns, they are now firmly entrenched there: to the extent that most people don’t even recognize them for what they are.
I was just trying to point out to you that that was exactly the argument the Nazis made–and it occured FIRST on an “ideological” level, long before there was any “physical” extermination involved.
discussions on here.
My position has been, and continues to be, that exceptionalism, racism, calico cats are of satanism, etc are fine as long as they remain within the realm of an individual’s personal beliefs, and are neither legalized, institutionalized, or weaponized.
For example, if someone wishes to associate only with freckle-faced, left-handed Norwegians who can wiggle their ears, based on the belief that such individuals are God’s chosen people, innately superior, or the only ones who hold the code that will summon the mothership, that should be their right.
They should not be obliged by law to invite ear-wiggling impaired, right-handed and freckle-free Norwegians or you or me to their daughter’s wedding, their backyard barbecue, buy us little gifts “just because” or give us any of their cleome seeds.
They should be free to express their views, sit on the front porch or stand on a soap box and the park and declaim them, go to Kinko’s and print flyers, write letters to the editor, etc etc etc.
However, they should not be allowed to prevent us from living, working, shopping, dining, etc. wherever we like or do us harm in any way.
It is the old notion of your right to extend your arm ends at my window.
To relate it to Hitler, if he had had effective career counseling and had been a painter of mediocre greeting card illustrations, who mumbled over his paintbox about how awful the Jews and Rom and gay people were, and hmmphed and stuck his nose in the air every time he saw one, 6 million lives would have been saved.
the title of this diary as “Allowing.”
You can call me blind-sided.
arguing with stark and agreeing with you?
Let me think about that. ;^}
sorry to correct you, 6.000.000 JEWS. The other 5.700.000 non jews are never counted. Specially when some have estimated the total up to 26.000.000
Lets not forget any of them.
to me. One is too many.
As I say:” if we are to forget one, lets forget of all of them”.
And you are absolutely right, one is too much
See how easy is to agree. :0)
A big bouncy ball of soft Argentine cotton, cherry red
😀
JUst what I needed. Now, after walking my pup, in this freeking cold, I finally feel warm fuzzy and confy.
Thanks Duct!!!
Perhaps you are one who believes everyone appreciates iron-fisted chastisement as long as it’s couched in a “velvet glove”?
Perhaps, also, as a self-described “Germanist,” you will agree that another insidious trend in our country today, particularly amongst the papillon ecrou (my phrase) — which in no way is meant to indicate you — is a proclivity for hurling charges of nazism/fascism at the figurative heads of people who express opinions that don’t coincide with their thinking?
Yet, one can’t help but notice: Quoting you here,
Pardon me for insisting, but I will excuse you from the burden of deciding for me how I arrive at my positions and opinions. How you choose to characterize the origins of my logic is intellectually and personally offensive. I believe my saying so does not exceed anyone’s standard of restrained and civil discourse, and in no way describes a parabolic trajectory.
Oh, and before drawing the veil, I offer this observation as a fellow academic. One of the classic faults many of us are accused of, rightfully or no, is to be blinded to the bigger picture, if you will, by our narrow and focused devotion to our specialty. Have you noticed?
In closing, permit me to note what may or may not be, for its most part, your very self-revalatory User Name.
Indeed, as most readers of this forum are amply aware, I have commented extensively in recent weeks not only on the user name, but also on the many many hats I wear and/or have worn throughout the course of my lifetime.
I am not a “self-descrbed” Germanist: it is de facto the title that is attached to my degree (PhD). But as many people here know, that’s only one part of who and what I am. Really, if I had known 20 years ago that I’d be living in the midst of a full-blown fascist country–believe me, I would NOT have gone into this field. It’s better not to know. Really. Makes life a lot easier.
I’m not going to argue with you nor will I try to help you understand why it is so, but your use of that language was shocking to me. And it still is.
Sorry. But that’s the way it is.
Sigh.
Please forgive me Limelite. Of course I know that you meant absolutely no harm. My comments had absolutely no place whatsoever here and my hypersensivity to these issues is obviously just my own little quirk–I should have just shut up about it.
Please, will you just forgive me and move on?
You are gracious. BooTribber to the core.
Thanks for popping in here, stark. Your statement correlates to my views. I don’t personally spend time with those who are disruptive to my life energy, and I also don’t spend time “shoulding” on them or judging that they are gangrenous to my life. One of those It just is where they are and I hope to suggest some things that might broaden their scope of things, perhaps even encourage their possible desire to move in to a more humane view of life and particularly their personal actions and views of life.
No one left me in charge here (shame that is. . LOL), so I don’t get to direct their lives, but I always hope to influence them to a more encompassing view point.
Appreciate your contribution, as always
Excuse me Shirl for coming back to something that I suppose has been diffused already, but I just have to say that I’m a little disturbed at the treatment that Limelite has just recieved here. Then dismissed as part of a problem that from my perspective was caused by Starks comment equating Limelites language with that of fascists who murdered 6 million 26 million, give or take twenty million.
It is a fact of life for all that occasionally we stumble upon, or even marry peole who are so poisonous in they’re acting out and destructive and yes, cancerous effects on those around them that they must be cut off from “us” if we ourselves are to maintain our own sanity.
Stark, I assume, studies linguistics and perhaps is a bit too close to her studys as how they relate to Limelites comments to let them go by without dissecting Limelites language down to something that sounds to her like Nazi and Facsist hate speech.
If I were in Limelite’s shoes and had my reasonable and realistic comments equated with those of Nazi’s, I would damn sure engage in defense of my comments.
There is a place for Stark’s knowledge of language and metaphor. Perhaps a diary to inform all here. But this was not the place.
That’s just how it is.
Oh god, Supersoling, gimme a break
I AM SORRY, SORRY, SORRY FOR HIJACKING THE THREAD
I am sorry, yes, I am a linguist, I’m sorry, yes, I am a writer, I’m sorry I take language very, very seriously, I’m sorry that I lived in a country for ten years that was forced by history to always subject language to excruciating critical reflection, I’m sorry that I firmly believe it is important that we all pay very careful attention to language and thought structures,
really, I’m very very sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry,
I did not mean to attack or offend anyone. I really did not. Ok?
Do I have to write a diary apologizing to Limelite for pointing out the fact that this metaphor is in fact exactly what Nazis used but that I know,
I know it was not LImelite’s INTENT
and that (i repeat for fifth time now)
I NEVER CALLED ANYONE IN HERE A FASCIST
(go back and read again if you don’t believe it).
In fact, I’m sorry the fascists spoke this way — if they hadn’t, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.
If I could delete my comment I would.
Good NIGHT!
Stark I am not intending to keep this going, but I feel compelled to come in here and say a few things, I hope you do not mind. The problem is that you keep interjecting these nuanced points of view from your perspective always relating to your particular interest. We are not linquists here, we are just a bunch of ordinary folks getting together to share things, sometimes fun things and sometimes serious things. It starts to look like you are insisting we all go to the school of Stark and learn from you, and if you listen carefully we are telling you thanks Stark, we heard you and now please let us be fallible and human and pursue our own personal interests without having comments pointed out and parsed.
I noticed that even while you apologized you still inserted your point once again. We are not children to be led into school, our truth and our things of import are not necessarily yours. Please allow us to be us.
Most of all we want this place to be casual and easy, otherwise what’s the point..of doing this blogging thing in the first place.
I hope you will take this with the loving intentions with which it is written.
Shirl, seriously, I’m sorry for throwing that in there–do you think it’s too much to ask that people DROP it?
I think that you should review your comment above, apologizing to Limelite, and then look at who has the most posts in here regarding facsist metaphors and then rethink just who needs to drop it.
Peace
You know how much I love you. I am not sure stark yet knows how much I love her, but I think she will come to know it. I hope limelite knows I love the limelite ;o)!
I could write a long and wordy diary, you know my usual over bearing wordy stuff, about how from my perspective both of you have missed the boat completely, at least 3 of you or more have missed it completely FROM MY PERSPECTIVE.
But you see we are all on a journey here, and although we are all journeying to the same place and during the same span of time, we are using different routes, different modes of travel, stopping off for side trips some of us, others of us full steam ahead no distractions. So if I say to any of you. . .Look, Look over there, there are plum trees in bloom. . .depending on which vehicle you are in, depending on what route you are taking, depending upon whether you have rounded the same bend I just have or did that days or weeks ago, and depending on which side of the road you are viewing…everyone of you will have a different perspective and a different view than the one I have. What Plum tree? I see a palm tree, I don’t see no plum tree. Tree? that’s desert out there what the hell are you talking about a tree?
You all understand and get my drift here, I know you do. And for those of you who are much more intelligent and quick of mind than I am, forgive me my simple metaphors. And for those of you who are more prone to facts, figures and numbers, forgive my fantasy scape.
We all see this in some shade of difference. I have no trouble understanding what I think Limelite meant. I have very little trouble understanding what stark is speaking to.
I had plenty of options how I might have chosen to take limelite’s remarks. You see my comment, so you know what I chose. I had plenty of options of how I might view starks remarks, but I feel I am pretty clear on where she is coming from.
We settled down. We cleared the air and then you brought in your everglades air boat and stirred up the dust a bit.
Without sounding like a pretentious condescending bitch, I want to tell you one and all GET A REALITY CHECK ON YOUR EGOS. What the heck was this diary about?
Let us 3rd graders be 3rd graders. Let you Post Graduate Nobel Lauriates be who you are. Let we high schoolers be in high school. And Do not be offended by what grade we are in or by our lack of not understanding what you do or some other does. Let us Just BE the fuck who we are.
Don’t try to teach me quantum physics while I am in kindergarten, trust me I am no prodigy. Don’t get pissey at those who have through great study, experience and acumen gathered information and knowledge that forms their perspective.
LET EVERYONE BE WHO THEY ARE, WHERE THEY ARE no matter how much they differ from you, no matter what you know that you feel they don’t know yet. For crap sakes just accept each other for who we are right now, not who we suppose you will be when we dazzle you with all our understanding and experience. Not who we THINK you should be. WHO WE ARE RIGHT NOW, fallible, mistaken, narrow focused, off center, out of our minds, or however it is we are viewed.
This is a simple straight forward concept of attempting to get the fuck out of our own self importance and see if we can’t just imagine that it is okay for each of us to be who we are and where we are.
If this is so frikken difficult, then God/Goddess help this world and can I please please cash in my chips and get my ticket home. . .NOW!
Any questions?
Wow Shirl, that was great….great analogies, or metaphors or both, whatever, it was great…it’s a keeper, and that means I am saving it to my notepad…
No questions.
I disagree with two things,
I know you love me, you can’t help yourself ;o)
but….please don’t feel the need to preface a reprimand to me with what is already known far and wide.
In short, I disagree
Peace and love to you
If you remember the word fallible I used, you can paint a sign and hang it round my neck and be spot on.
I told you, I hoped clearly, that I am coming from a differnt perspective. I am not at liberty to explain why I am coming from the perspective I am. And maybe, really I shouldn’t have to.
I really, after I said I loved you and after I said I thought 3 or more of you had missed the boat, was not addressing you or stark or limelite directly. I was addressing everyone.
Did not anyone read or comprehend the contents of the diary I posted? That is my question.
It seems a few did. It seems some did not.
The play played out. Some of us are able to give some thought to the possibilities that we don’t know everything there is to know. And we sure as hell don’t know where anyone else is coming from, obviously. And as much as I might hope I do, you can count me in there too.
I apologize to limelite if I responded in a misguided or unaccepting way. I did not think limelite needed defending. His/her remarks were well reasoned, clear, and stated his/her position.
I certainly did not defend stark. And who would need to even if they were in agreement.
Did I fall short of the mark in my intention, yes I did. Do I several dozen times a day, yes, I do. Just as soon as I can get myself “perfectized” I will do it. So far I do not seem to be making a lot of progress there. Fortunately, I am acceptable in the Universe just as I am. . .I hope someday those who think they are not will see that they are too.
Hugs and love
shirl
Sorry Stark…I believe you have totally misinterpreted Limelite. I was married to a cocaine addict and knew that for me to stay with him could mean death. Thus I cut him out of my life. How does that make me or Limelite a fascist? I believe you took what Limelite said far too literally. IMHO
Did I not repeatedly say that I was not calling ANYONE a fascist?
The logic in that statement was FASCIST in nature; it is exactly the same argument the Nazis used, and the same kind of language. That is just FACT.
(did I ever once mention ‘Hitler’ Ductape, uh, I think not!) but attributing the whole Nazi Germany phenomenon to Adolf Hitler is one hell of a mistake. here let me cite a few just off the top of my head. Krieck. Schmitt. Heidegger (you bet, just finished working on his “Vow to Adolf Hitler” yesterday actually). Goebbels. Goering. Rosenberg. Baumler. Gehlen). And then there were the millions upon millions of Germans whose language and thought was slowly and insidiously infiltrated with National Socialist logic and idiom….
I grow increasingly concerned with the SLOPPY use of language in this country–and it is ubiquitous, it’s not just BushCo, it’s everywhere–and the way these fascist idioms and metaphors creep unnoticed (and unchecked) into everyday use. When you dare to point it out, whether with the iron fist or the velvet glove, half the blog get its undies in a bundle over it and limelite gets himself worked up into a lather about it. Well, maybe people should spend less time being offended by some of the things I have to say about these matters, and rather than taking them as OFFENSES (which is not how they are intended), but rather as ALARM signals (which IS how they are intended), but the shits of it is, this whole goddamned country is so permanently engaged in “combat” mode that an objective statement about a certain use of language cannot even be made without people seeing it as a fucking attack. Sheesh.
Maybe people should think about the fact that a metaphor like that gets thrown into casual conversation without anyone (but me and the rest of the Germanists!) batting an I–and I repeat, it IS the exact same kind of language that the Nazis used, in the many many years leading up to 1933 (that is years before any ‘death camps’ even existed), language/metaphors/idioms which slowly, slowly infiltrated everyday language so that by the time it actually came down to “excising” the “gangrenous” elements of society, people were immune to the horror of it. I see the same thing happening in this country. And it is HORRIFIC to watch. Even more horrific to have people consistently react in this way.
Volumes and volumes have been written on this subject, and by far greater minds than I, so don’t come at me as if I’m the one who’s completely off the wall. Perhaps it’s something people outside the narrow field of Germanic Studies might want to look into on their own.
The material is out there. Lifton’s book on the psychology of genocide would be a good place to start.
Stark please, no one is saying that this is not the language the Nazis used in the lead up to the horrific genocide. I do not believe however, that the context of Limelite’s comment should be compared to that language.
Please everyone, calm down!
I thought I opened up a gentle little corner in the reading room to consider some thoughts I felt were expansive and helpful to understanding or dealing with others.
What purpose does this bellowing at each other serve?
As I mentioned WORDS and what they mean in any context to us as opposed to what they may mean to another is the source and the problem and it is NOT WORTH THIS CONTENTION AND YELLING.
This is just a blog, for god sake. Nothing we say or do or think matters one damn to anyone but maybe, and I do say maybe, a very small handful of fellow readers here. In the scheme of things in the universe we are less than a microscopic flea on the ass of an amoeba. Screaming, yelling, Being Right, demanding to be right, don’t make one hell of a bit of difference to anything, or anyone.
Everyone, step away from your EGO’s and agendas and just let it go. Both of you are speaking from a totally different vantage point and neither view has anything to do with the other. Words. they have different meanings to each of you and the way that you are using them and coming from the perspective you are coming from. SO STOP IT AND RESPECT EACH OTHER OR GO PLAY SOMEWHERE ELSE!
Thank you
Shirl, I just have to say that if I were going to start over at the blogs with a different user name, I would totally pick this one:
flea on the ass of an amoeba
{{{{hugs, Shirl}}}}
Good one Indi, love it, want to go toss the ball of thread around downthread, I can toss one to you right now…your toss.
Right back atcha Diane, and let me run it around Shirl once or twice, too while I’m at it.
It is so you, girlfriend! LOL
Hugs back
Are you talking to me SHirl? I was just trying to difuse this thing. Sorry this got out of hand on your beautiful diary. Really I am.
No leezy, I was not talking to you. I saw what you were generously attempting to do.
All is well. Apparently, some of us are so focused on our own perspective that we cannot ALLOW any others. Quite ironic, I think.
Thanks for your good intentions
Love ya and Hugs
Shirl
Oh goody! I just wanted to be clear. Thanks for the hugs. You know when one is under the weather with the sniffling, sneezing, coughing, achey all over syndrome it is nice to feel that healing energy, hugs and love cominf through the net on that ball of twine.
Love you too Shirls,
Leezy
ha. There’s the end of that ball of twine. <swipe>
All I’m asking is that people think about the implications of the fact that such metaphors are used and don’t raise eyebrows
….just think about it, that’s all….it’s not an attack….it’s not an insult….just think about the implications of those kinds of metaphors (but I’m warning you, if you think about it too much, then you might start seeing how ubiquitous they are and you might just end up as batshit loony radical as I am and end up screaming up and down everywhere you go saying: Yikes! Yikes! Wtf is going on here!)…….
<and with that! whoosh! she was gone, and the ball of twine, too.>
is that when you recognize that there are people you just cannot be around, you can let them go their own way and not try to change them into what your ideal may be. That saves aggravation on both sides of the fence.
“Never try to teach a pig to sing — it wastes your time and annoys the pig.”
I thought that was understood. Silly me.
You and I seem to be coming from the same space in the Universe, Cali.
Thanks for your participation and input
It’s a good thing to remember: if I want others to accept me as I am, I should also accept them as they are. Everybody has something to teach me, even those I need to be careful around.
Laura, that is great wisdom that you have learned, at least from my view point. Yes, the teachers are every where and sometimes the lesson is don’t spend time with certain people who have agendas far removed from your intentions and purpose.
Thanks for your input.
This is a concept I find myself exploring every day these past several months. First off, I had to allow myself to be me, not always an easy task. Once I stopped defining myself as my husband’s-wife or my mother’s-daugher, I just took off sailing from there. That said, it wasn’t easy by any means.
I recently said good-bye to a handful of friends from high school… that was not easy, but when it came down to it, I had to. They were being critical and judgmental and not letting me be me. Actually, they had lost touch with who I was years ago, as did I with them really. Still, good-byes are difficult. Thank you for sharing this, which reiterates many of reasons for ‘leaving’ them. Except one is my cousin, who I am see over the holidays, so that makes me a bit anxious. But I am secure enough in myself (most days) to see her and visit with her with compassion and an open-mind. And if for some reason she cannot do that, well, then, I can choose to seek out others in the room. Kinda plain and simple.
I am presently making new friends, something which I had not done in a very long time (see defining myself through the ex-‘s eyes above). And I am choosing to surround myself with nurturing friends who do just that… accept me for who I am, help me grow along the way, but by no means try to set me down a particular path. If you can’t do that, I’ll see you later. Love me or leave me… the short version.
OK, I just printed your diary out… I have a feeling that the majority of yours are big-time keepers. 🙂
“Thanks for this” . . .those are the exact words I said to my computer screen when I opened up the email newsletter.
Yep, seems we have the most difficulty allowing ourselves to be who WE are, certainly it was so for me. But there is truly no other way. And once permission is given then we get to discover who we actually are and how that squares with who we hope to become. It is all a process of becoming, as I view it. Endlessly becoming.
Great that you are going to print “Quado’s” words out. Now just don’t paste them over your mirror like Second Nature likes to do. . .LOL!
Thanks much for your energy and thoughts here.
I think that the message contained in this is absolutely spot on, but I have to say that I don’t agree with the choice of words.
The word ‘allow’ to me seems to imply that I have some control or influence, or should, on how others ‘are’. I don’t think that’s the case (or should be the case).
I should not have to ‘allow’ anyone to be themselves; rather, it is my responsibility to conduct myself in a manner that makes someone else comfortable enough to just be themself when they are around me.
A point taken and understood as you use it in relation to your experience and preference.
My perspective is there is a space of “It just Is” and that is how I translate allow. Meaning acceptance of others from whatever perspective of self they may be presenting me. I think one of the things that often causes some of the major misunderstandings in life is words and how it is that what any particular word may mean to me, very well may have a quite different meaning to you and others. As if much of the time we are not actually speaking the same language to each other.
Thanks for your input, very appreciated.
Usually I wouldn’t even bring something like that up, but I do think it’s important to consider.
Plus, it reminded me of one of my favorite quotes dealing with a similar language issue:
is that you let them be who they are, instead of trying to change them into what you want them to be. It’s a common failing, especially in many marriages and other close relationships. I recall an old joke:
Q. What does a bride think of on her wedding day?
A. Aisle…altar…hymn…
(Read the answer aloud…)
People aren’t topiaries — you can’t prune and shape them into what’s pleasing to your eye. Sometimes you have to put up with the branch that pokes you in the back if you’re not careful in order to enjoy the cooling shade…
That was really wonderful, Shirl; thanks for sharing it.
And thanks for hanging around; I was afraid we’d lost you the other night.
(((hugs)))
Just better time management.
Getting rid of me (or absenting myself)is sort of like dog doodoo on the bottom of your shoe, it seems extremely easy to step in it, but man it is almost impossible to scrape it off the bottom of that shoe.
Love you guys to much, so selfishly, I will appear here as I have time and participate as I am able.
Many hugs back to you
Shirl
I’m tossing a ball of yarn to everyone here to spread peace and acceptance. Throw it back or at each other and/or me, whatever works.
Hi Rumi I am taking the ball and tossing it to Aloha, who I adore, and to Stark who I am just getting to know and I’m not even in the thread till now.
Thanks Diane…right back at ya! I think I shall call it a night though. I am still a bit under the weather with this damn cold. Nose is raw from blowing it and chest is heavy with cough. Hope you all have a delightful evening and again to SHirls sorry if I stirred things up. It was not my intent! I swear the planets must all be in retrograde cause everything seems so out of alignment right now. 🙁
(powdered), mix it with water to make a paste and smear it all over your forehead.
When it dries and starts to flake off, go flake it off and put some more. This will cure stuffed sinuses or sinus headache.
I bounced the yarnball back off of you DTF. Thanks for the good words in the other diary.
I’m going to pass the sinus remedy along to a few I know. I was half expecting one step in the process to be a journey to the store for sinus medicine before flaking off.
You will not need sinus medicine, that is what the ginger is. It is a mystery that Science cannot explain, though just wait, somebody will try.
Thanks for the yarn! I will bounce it to aloha to help her cold 🙂
Ouch. I thought you’d see my keen sense of humor in that comment…. not to mention the fun of sending someone to market with a drying ginger paste mask.
I’m a believer
I did, that is why I am still laughing!
Thank you DT. Not so much stuffed up as runny. I do get bad sinus headaches at times though. Will keep your remedy handy.
Smoke it as a cigarette. It is expensive most places but should be easily available in Hawaii.
Oh sweetie, I wish! I no longer live on Kauai, I am in California now for three years. Also, been clean and sober for a very long time so no weed for the Leezy girl.
I always visualize this as a bunch of kittens and puppies….frogs, too…smacking this ball of yarn around to each other and getting more entangled as it unravels….fun.
I am tossing a ball to limelite, because I feel that I understand where she/he was coming from. I took no offense to it. I got the picture I think was intended.
I am tossing a ball to stark, because I think I have extra information and understanding concern her intentions and why this seems far more important to her than it may to the rest of us.
I am not making either of you wrong nor right. I just want you to think about ALLOWING the other person to be wherever it is they are. Regardless of what you may think of that personally.
I am throwing the ball to everyone to ALLOW them to throw it back to you or whomever they wish in the sprit that I intended this diary.
I accept you, you accept me. It is simple. No qualifiers.
I’m stealing the g.d. ball and running out of here with it!!
I will use it to string myself up from my thumbs as I go insane watching the entire country fall into some mindless fascist stupor and will not take any pleasure whatsoever in having the historians 50 or 100 years from now say, “Hey hon, you were right, and you tried to warn them, you tried to point out the way they were slowly and imperceptibly being infected with fascist language, fascist thought…so that by the time the fascist behavior followed, hell, they all just stood by and watched….”
No. I will not take any pleasure in that, but I am taking the damn ball of twine outta here.
Sorry for messin’ up your thread Shirl, and everyone else, well…chalk it up to Stark having a bad hair day or something. I’ve got a text by Alfred Bauemler (“Nietzsche and National Socialism”) to translate. I’ll try not to pretend I don’t see any parallels to any of the language anyone here uses. Promise.
(So anyway, that was supposed to be funny, but I know….my sense of humor is sometimes slightly warped…)
Gee Willikers Shirl, Ok, I am tossing the ball to you for being the best tosser on the team.
Years of softball taught me a lot. It’s in the back and shoulder action that allows that flick of the wrist just as you release the ball.
Maybe Life is just a Softball metaphor.
Well, I could go on tossing the ball of twine forever, but really what I’m gonna do is toss my cookies if one more of these healing diaries degenerates into a virtual shouting match. Sheesh.
I have to say that for me the “allowing” part was drilled into me big time from the get go. My task in life has been about needing to learn to speak up and expect to be heard. And even, at times, not have to worry about how others will feel about what I have to say (gasp?!).
As a portion of a poem by Marge Piercy “Unlearning to not speak” says:
She must learn again to speak
starting with I
starting with We
starting as the infant does
with her own true hunger
and pleasure
and rage.
I don’t know if your situation was the same but as a middle child I naturally assumed a role as a peacemaker. I think there is some validity to that concept.
I’ve had to learn to overcome that overpowering acceptance of others and control it to a healthier outlook that doesn’t accept to the point of harm.
Delicate balance there to not consider too little of ourselves at the benefit of others.
You got it! I was right between the oldest and most outgoing favorite child and the “never miss the opportunity for a fight” black sheep of the family. Wouldn’t have been able to get a word in edgewise if I’d tried. Subjugating myself to “allow” for all of that was the way I chose. But not anymore – so watch out!!
Indeed, I will watch out and scan for casualties from time to time. I like the line of knowing I have the right to remain silent but not always the ability. :<)
It’s good to learn the right balance between accepting and enduring others. You hit it right in using the word subjugated