I disappeared from the blog world for over a month and also from the real world. I am suffering from Deep Depression and also very real Anxiety Attacks. It all started with anxiety attacks back in July after I was in my 4th car wreck in 8 years. The attacks were sometimes minor and sometimes bad enough I had to pull off the road and park for hours before moving again. None of the wrecks were my fault but the fear of having yet another car totaled or hit would send me into a total panic.
(cross posted @ My Left Wing,Refinish69,
As most of you know, I was also very involved in the fight to stop the “Marriage” Amendment from passing in Texas. As part of the campaign, I spoke of friends I had seen lose everything when their lover’s died. I also recounted the final days of my Lover’s life over and over to explain how legal documents do not always protect people and the extremely high cost involved as opposed to spousal rights. This brought a very real sense of mourning and loss back to the forefront of my mind and heart, which I thought I had dealt with many years ago. Add to this the overwhelming loss at the polls statewide and you can see where my mind went on that one.
I turned 47 4 days after the election and realized I had spent the last 5 years working on campaigns that were abysmal failures. I started to feel like a total failure myself. I would have panic attacks just heading towards the front door. Next came the crying jags that would last hours. Forgetfulness, lethargy, and total lack of self-worth were soon to follow. I stopped leaving home. I quit going to work or returning calls. I would sometimes go out seeing anyone but the person at the drive through window at the closest fast food restaurant and that was only on the days I remembered to eat. I did remember to feed and care for my dogs but I wasn’t too concerned with me. What finally woke me up that I needed help was when I started thinking of finding homes for my dogs so that when I was gone they would be taken care of if I was not around.
I am now seeing a therapist and am on mild medication. I am not well and I am not back at work yet, but hopefully will be by the end of the week. I have many things to work through but at least I finally realized I needed help and reached out.
I am sure many are thinking “Why would he share this with the world?” I am doing as part of my therapy but also to hopefully help others. If any of these symptoms sound familiar, please get help. If I had talked to someone when the first panic attacks started in July, I would not have lost the month of December and the first two weeks of January.
Depression Statistics
Depressive disorders affect approximately 18.8 million American adults or about 9.5% of the U.S. population age 18 and older in a given year. This includes major depressive disorder, dysthymic disorder, and bipolar disorder.
Everyone, will at some time in their life be affected by depression — their own or someone else’s, according to Australian Government statistics. (Depression statistics in Australia are comparable to those of the US and UK.)
Pre-schoolers are the fastest-growing market for antidepressants. At least four percent of preschoolers — over a million — are clinically depressed. The rate of increase of depression among children is an astounding 23% p.a.
15% of the population of most developed countries suffers severe depression.
30% of women are depressed. Men’s figures were previously thought to be half that of women, but new estimates are higher.
54% of people believe depression is a personal weakness.
41% of depressed women are too embarrassed to seek help.
80% of depressed people are not currently having any treatment.
92% of depressed African-American males do not seek treatment.
15% of depressed people will commit suicide.
Depression will be the second largest killer after heart disease by 2020 — and studies show depression is a contributory factor to fatal coronary disease. Depression results in more absenteeism than almost any other physical disorder and costs employers more than US$51 billion per year in absenteeism and lost productivity, not including high medical and pharmaceutical bills.
Thank you for posting this diary. Very important topic. I suspect many of us are suffering from depression to varying degrees given the ongoing tragedies of the last five years (on top of the tragedies life itself inevitably brings our way).
Just seeing the statistics you’ve posted will help people realize “they’re not just crazy.”
Please check in with us as you can to let us know you’re OK or if there’s anything we can do to help.
Many blessings on your path to recovery.
((((hugs))))
🙂
Thank you. I am working on being around more. LOL I hope people read this and understand there is help out there.
I mean really hear you. The great thing about it that you have overlooked is that some small bit of self-preservation that you may not have known you possessed took hold in you and made you seek out help, and it is that self-preservation that will see you through.
Your symptoms are very familiar to me and I wish you the best. Take care of yourself.
Thank you . I am trying really hard and doing what they suggest and also doing more reading on my own. It will get better, but not over night.
Your battle to overcome depression and anxiety is the worthiest of all your valiant battles. This one is for your life and the ability to live it fully and richly.
I wish you good health and much joy this year.
Thank you!!!!
I’ve started this comment about five times, but it all sounds trite. I just want to tell you that reaching out for help is one of the hardest things to do and I think that you are amazing for doing that. I think we’d be surprised at how many of us and those we interact with daily are depressed. Good luck to you on your journey, and I’m wishing you all the best!
Yw and thank you. It does not sound trite. It is always hard to answer something like this but I understand the true compassion in your answer.
Someone very close to me is being treated for depression at the present time. I wish you well with yours.
thank you and good health to your friend also
As another depressive now largely, but not wholly recovered, but very much off meds, I can tell you that, regardless of your specific symptoms and neurochemical imbalance, 90% of the time it can be resolved via careful dietary control. Get a full metabolic panel done by your doctor, and contact a dietician if you can afford one or your health plan supports it.
Some examples:
Deficiency in magnesium can lead to deficiency in B6, and an inability to converty phenylalanine and tryptophan to their related neurotransmitters, dopamine and serotonin. Magnesium is found in highest amounts in pumpkin seeds and brazil nuts, followed by spinach and other dark greens, whole grains, and beans. If you aren’t eating a lot of these, you are likely magnesium deficient.
Deficiency in zinc or an overload of copper can lead to an inability to synthesize dopamine (zinc def) or an increased dopamine resorption rate (copper overload). Zinc is found in high levels in only a few meats (beef (specific cuts), shellfish), and in small amounts in most meats, beans, and nuts.
An overload of protein (too much meat, too few vegetables) can overload the body’s ability to detoxify the ammonia created as a byproduct of protein metabolism. This leads to exhaustion, lack of physical and mental endurance.
A deficiency of calcium (not enough dairy, spinach, broccoli), can lead to muscle exhaustion, which can have indirect psychological consequences.
Too little potassium interferes with energy generation all throughout the body and mind. Potassium, of course, is found in all fruits and veggies, esp. fruits such as bananas and oranges, and vegetables such as squashes, spinach, sweet potatoes, and regular old potatoes.
Too few omega-3 fatty acids (fish and seed oils) leads to increased depression because omega-3s are necessary for serotonin production, as well as to turn off the inflammatory response throughout the body.
Too few omega-6 fatty acids (dairy, meat, and vegetable oils) can lead to low energy,anemia and weight gain.
My current happy happy no depression diet includes home-made brazil-nut butter on toast in the AM, fruit as a snack throughout the day (esp. Bananas for potassium and b6; oranges for potassium and inositol); a high-bean or whole grain lunch; and alternating fish and land-based meats for dinner, with plenty of vegetables, potatoes of one kind or other, and greens. Also, make sure you eat lots of sulfur-containing vegetables (onions, garlic, broccoli, cauliflower, cabbage, bok-choy…all the strong-smelling ones), as they are necessary for hormone production, blood-sugar control, and thyroid balance.
I never eat meat without a significant folic acid source (such as asparagus or spinach), and try to pay attention to how I feel. When I feel crappiest it’s usually time to eat whatever, from the above list, I’ve eaten the least of in the last 24-36 hours. Given my particular history (uber carnivore), that tends to be nuts and beans and vegetables.
This approach won’t work for everyone, but the better your over-all diet, the better your body and mind will balance themselves.
None of this is to say that you shouldn’t consult with professionals regarding potential conditions, meds, etc., but simply a suggestion that you look to root causes as soon as your condition and energy levels allow.
I am working on the bad diet and lack of exercise and the whole 9 yards. I am not leaving any stone unturned to get beyond this.
that your description of both your fast-food diet and your symptoms, which largely mirror mine, suggest that you are eating far too much meat (and of a poor quality, too), and far too few vegetables.
Get your magnesium, calcium, potassium, zinc, b vitamin, etc. levels checked. And take the time–MAKE yourself take the time–to eat properly. There is nothing as important as the food you eat.
That old statement that you are what you eat? It’s VERY true. When you go grocery shopping–and you are going to have to–spend A LOT of time in the produce section. Then pick up some nuts, esp. brazil nuts and walnuts. And some beans. (I like Amy’s prepared soups, chilis, burritos, and meals, for when I’m feeling lazy)…and, as a last stop, a little meat or fish.
And if you have the money, when you buy fish, buy Halibut. There isn’t another fish on the planet with as much magnesium inside.
I understand what you’re facing and how every simple thing can seem completely overwhelming. Your writing is a gift, and something you can hold onto when so little seems to have any value. Hold onto it.
My best to you.
Some of us have been more drastically affected by what is going on politically in this country than others. Many instinctively and intellectually know that the people in charge and their agendas only spell widespread tragedy and suffering in our country, but some of us have already really suffered. Your suffering is real and I’m glad that you reached out here too. I reached out here also the first time I wanted my own suffering at the hands of the current administration and it’s policies known. Booman Tribune has been an incredible healing tool for me as well as a tool for grassroots action and a sacred space where I can gather the real news that I need to live a productive life right now. I’m still a military wife and we are still “at war” but I have healed a lot and I am among friends, just as you are. I am grateful for your sharing of your story and your journey. Many of us have our personal journeys colliding head on with these crazy wingnuts, and it does hurt! It hurts terribly what they have done to and what they desire to do to our country! It is our country too and we are the citizens and the voters and the taxpayers and how we feel and what we need MATTERS MORE THAN ANY “OPINION” THE NUT JOBS MAY HAVE! Take very good care of you and love yourself fully and well.
Thank you. I am using every tool in my mighty arsenal to get better. I have announced my problems to many friends who have worked with me on the political causes in the last few years. I have also reached out to some dear friends at work and of course my dear blog family.
I empathize with your ordeal. I suffered from severe depression for years and had a suicide attempt because of the emotional and physical pain. It, however, completely disappeared once I was diagnosed with scleroderma in 1991, something that I had been suffering with for years but doctors just told me it’s all in your head or you are under stress, blah, blah blah.
I have done extensive research on depression and an underlying auto-immune disease is often the cause for this debilitating depression. Anxiety is also a symptom of many diseases. Please consider a complete physical to rule out any existing medical condition that may be the real cause for your depression.
I cannot tell you the relief that it was not in my head so to speak. The depression absolutely disappeared over night!
Thank you.
The physical is in the works also. They are going to get me healthy one way or another. LOL
Again, good for you. I can’t stress enough how important that is, and I’m grateful to rosieriter for mentioning it.
My brother battled serious depression off and on for several years … and finally died of a heart condition that had gone undiagnosed. I’m not sure a routine physical would have caught it — it would have required an echocardiogram, which is not a standard screening for apparently healthy 37yo men — but the fact is, even though he was seeing a psychiatrist and a counselor, he wasn’t seeing his doctor.
I know it is difficult to make and keep appointments when you can barely take care of your own survival needs. But it’s important, and I wish you all the best in your battle today.
Dear Refinish: I wish you well in your efforts to get the ship back on track. I went through the depression, anxiety attack thing, for a time, back in the late seventy’s. Help from the medical people, an understanding wife, some life style changes (diet mostly), and some good fortune helped me get back my self. As you probably already know, the good news is that, when treated, depression can be cured or controlled in most sufferers. You have taken the hardest step already. Be patient. Sometimes it takes a few months to get back to where you want to be. Best wishes for a speedy and lasting recovery.
Thanks, I realize there will be no overnight or 10 day fiz but as you say at least I am getting the help.
I am so pleased to see you again, Refinish, I had been thinking about you just this weekend.
I hope you are getting good treatment. I know a couple of excellent therapists in the Austin area if you need any future reccs; just e-mail me. Now (putting on my “scientist of shrinkdom” hat), I know that panic attacks are very treatable, and depression is, too. You can certainly get that depression lifted and managed for the future, too, when bad frustrations occur. Just be careful of snake oil merchants out there.
I’m glad you are trying to take better care of yourself. I suspect that bad diet is the result of the depression and anxiety building up rather than the cause of the depression, but in any case, good eating is good, period.
Thank you… I think my Psycholgist is a good one and we seem to hit it off or mesh well for working together. He is actually impressed with how far I have come in a short time but we both realize there is a long way to go.
God, where would any of us be without people like you? I really mean that. No wonder you are drained. You have put yourself, and your most personal and terrible hurts in public view, on the line, over and over again.
It’s time to look after you. You richly deserve to concentrate on your needs. You are paying too high a price for your community, and no-one has the right to demand it of you, and you have every right to say no, for however long you need to.
I am so sorry for the loss of your partner. I am so desparately sorry that that hardest of times and the mourning that follows was made so much harder and crueler for you.
Several loved ones of mine have and do suffer from depression and anxiety. I’ve had the latter myself, and probably clinical bouts of depression, suffice to say that I empathise with you wholeheartedly.
Don’t be afraid; it’s going to get better. You’ve already started down that path. In the meantime, gather those who care for you around you, and take the time you need to heal.
Thank you!!!! I don’t feel like a complete failure just tried of the failures but I wil;l deal with them and be back in the fray soon
I’ve been there too. One day, after several months/years (not sure which), I was especially low and and feeling really bad, I had a flash of understanding of how someone could actually “harm themselves” as the doctors put it. Until then, even though I felt compassion for them, I could never understand how anyone could do that.
That flash of understanding scared the hell out of me and I went to a doctor. He started me on meds right away. After several false tries and one pretty scary mismanagement of meds on the doc’s part, I am now 95% returned to my old self but I still take my 30 mg of Prozac daily.
I am on a very strict diet just now for cholesterol control, but I also feel better than I’ve felt for years.
I did a diary on Eat4Today (Katiebird’s sig has the link) on my diet. I’m wondering what Black Maned Pensator thinks of it. BMP, if you have a chance would you take a look at it and let me know what you think?
Refinish69, I’m very happy for you that you got your “awakening” and sought help. Please do not get discouraged. One of the first steps back that I remember was that I could still get depressed but I knew I was depressed and I could work out of it. Before, I didn’t know what the heck was wrong but I KNEW it wasn’t ME that was wrong….it was everyone else.
Welcome back to your life.
Thank you!!! I am working on the whole package. me , my emotions, eating and health. I know all of it plays a poart and I have to do my part to get better with help.
Thank you for being so frank with us here. That took great courage. Could say, been there done that, to you, of which I have been. But that doesnt make things any better for you. Just know we/I understand and are here to support you at all times. Am greatly relieved you got professional help.
I could go on with my own personal story, but it is no different so than others. Just know that……………Love ya, Kiddo…hugs….
Thank you!!!! I think that says it all. With support from my blog family, my friends and professional help, I will make it.