I imagine that you have all heard this by now.  Newt Gingrich, oft mentioned as a Republican presidential candidate in 2008, has suggested restricting First Amendment protections for speech on the Internet.  Seems Newt is reviving the smoking mushroom cloud argument, indicating that if we don’t do something about all this free speech, we are going to have a nuked city.

I’m not a professional political analysts, but I sometimes play one in the blogosphere.  So I’ve taken the liberty of laying out a number of other clauses of the Contract On America that Gingrich will likely now want to renegotiate.
In the year to come, look for Gingrich to lay out his plans to:

  1. Re-word that pesky “free exercise” clause so that those identified as Muslims are treated as property, rather than people.  Gingrich will of course seek to re-assert the ability to count Muslims as 2/3rds of a person for matters of apportionment, so long as they are working at interment camps without pay.
  2. Enact a federal “house the troops act” that allows placement of soldiers/peace officers in black armor in any suspicious home.
  3. Scrap the Fifth and Eight Amendments altogether, so that authorities seeking to protect our cities can seize any individual without any process of law, and torture them mercilessly until they confess their sins.  Note:  As far as I can tell, this is the law now under the 2006 Military Commissions Act, but I don’t think Gingrich will want to deal with any pesky constitutional challenges.
  4. Eliminate the legislative and judicial branches of government, because they are getting in the way of a strong executive protecting the people.

I’d have thought shit like this was a joke six years ago.  But given Gingrich’s attack on the First Amendment, at an event honoring free expression, you have to wonder.

Since we live in bizzaro world these days, where we are actually torturing people, and since I haven’t been here for awhile, let me be plain: this is intended as sarcasm.