Not too many people can do better in contemporary America than Bobby Jindal, a two-term Republican governor who has some hope of leaving office without the people of his state wanting to escort him to the border of Arkansas on a rail. It ought to translate into a viable presidential candidacy four years hence, but that viability might be limited to winning the nomination if he keeps doing things like trying to eliminate funding for hospice care for Louisiana’s poorest residents. He reversed course on that policy yesterday, but it was just insane enough that merely proposing it might endear him to the rabid Republican base voter who will be deciding the 2016 primaries. Sure, Jindal looks enough like a Muslim that he must surely be a socialist, but he tried to force people to die in lonely hospital rooms at everyone’s expense rather than with dignity at home with their family. That’s got to count for something, right?

It has to be a better plan that what Paul Ryan will be pursuing this spring. Because the Speaker of the House is a moron, and because he promised his Tea Party contingent a budget that balances within 10 years, Mr. Ryan is now charged with identifying cuts so severe that the House Republicans will need decimal points and magnifying glasses to read their approval numbers. The last time around, Rep. Ryan’s budget didn’t balance until about 2040. That budget voucherized Medicare and contributed mightily to a surge in the polls for lice, colonoscopies, and used car salesmen. Laying out a budget austere enough to balance 16 years earlier than the old plan without the assistance of any new revenue, and then forcing the whole Republican caucus to vote for it even though the Senate will never agree to it? Priceless. It will keep Paul Ryan in the headlines in a Lindsey Lohan kind of way.

Perhaps Marco Rubio can do better by becoming the Republican face of immigration reform. We know how the Republican base loves Latino immigrants (especially in Iowa). They love them almost as much as they love the federal government spending money on education and retraining. If Rubio is going to try to sound moderate on some issues or actually help the president achieve a few things, he’ll need make up for it by finding some new Democrats to disrespect who aren’t named Hillary Clinton.

As for Chris Christie, the reason he can bash the Republican Party without angering the Republicans in his state is because he is from New Jersey. Garden State Republicans are generally not wingnuts and they have no use for Southern culture. They make a lot of money and they want to spend it on their horses, not negroes in Patterson, Newark, or Camden. It’s not personal, just a preference, you see. In any case, messing around with the debt ceiling and bitching about hurricane relief is no way to endear yourself to a New Jersey Republican. Yet, blasting away at the Teahadists in Washington DC is no way for Christie to win over the South Carolina primary voter.

So, who’s winning this thing?