Did you know that Jenna Bush is getting married tonight in a “simple but elegant” Oscar de la Renta wedding gown with embroidery and matte beading? No? Neither did I. I vaguely knew that she was engaged, and presumably a wedding would someday be in the offing. Did I care? No. I haven’t heard one person mention this wedding, and I watched cable news last night and it wasn’t mentioned. But don’t tell that to Amy Argetsinger. She thinks we are all clamoring for every shred of news about this non-event.

What, you want more? Of course you do! We’re talking about the president’s daughter here, and media organizations as varied as “Access Hollywood” and Agence France-Presse have poured into this tiny community — home to George and Laura Bush’s 1,600-acre ranch — to cover what some consider the celebrity wedding of the year.

But despite the widespread interest — and despite the blond First Twin’s increasingly public profile as a published author and do-gooder — the White House has repeatedly made clear that this is a private event.

For once I agree with the White House. I’ve published countless critical words about the Bush administration, but I do not believe I have ever written a word about Bush’s daughters, and I can’t remember anything I’ve written about his wife. This is just embarrassing.

Her lite-comic presentation with sister Barbara at the 2004 GOP convention (grandmother Barbara Bush, Jenna said, “thinks ‘Sex and the City’ is something married people do, but never talk about”) was electrifying, if only because it was the first time most of the world had ever heard her voice.

Electrifying? How about insipid? This column is a desperate attempt to hype the unhypeable. Did you know that we all have this shared history?

In Jenna Bush, we have the first White House bride in decades whom the public truly watched grow up — and one who has trod a fascinating tightrope between private citizen and public celebrity.

Do you feel like you watched her grow up? Did you find it fascinating? As far as I can remember, the only time I’ve seen Jenna Bush’s name in the news is when she has been having a little too much fun on the town or she’s been on vacation. And I’m a political junkie of the highest order. I don’t miss too many headlines. When blogs have bothered to notice Jenna (and her twin sister) at all it has been to make fun of her party-girl reputation or to wonder aloud why she isn’t sporting camos in a Humvee on the Baghdad airport road. I always found such sniping to be unsporting and tasteless, and about the furthest thing from ‘fascinating’.

In fairness, Jenna did take an internship in Panama with UNICEF and write a book about poverty and HIV/AIDS in Central America. She probably could have used a little more positive press about that effort, but her father’s criminal incompetence shattered the usual good will people have for the First Family, and her book tour went mostly unnoticed and unpraised.

“People are fascinated by this remaking of Jenna” from party girl to serious educator/advocate type, said Jellison, who has studied American weddings and followed Jenna’s trajectory. “That may be creating more curiosity about her.”

No. Believe me. It’s not. No one cares. And that’s not a bad thing. It’s a good thing. Look at the war. Look at the economy. We have presidential and congressional elections to consider. Jenna Bush didn’t pick her father. I hope she has a happy marriage and a successful life.