This is easily the stupidist thing that I’ve read in a long time…
It’s a story about a Mesa, Arizona SWAT team thats seeking $100,000 of federal grant money to make a trained Capuchin Monkey a part of their team. He would essentially do recon work for them with an attached video camera….
It all sounds plausible until you get to the part where they talk of dressing the little guy in a bullet proof vest:
Critical analysis after the fold…
A bullet proof vest works by attempting to stop penetration and disperse force throughout a larger area… Anyone taking a round in a bulletproof vest generally winds up stunned, with the breath knocked out of them, and a huge bruise internally and externally and a lot of pain for a few days… depending, of course, upon the caliber of the bullet.
Now, let’s imagine Mini-Bonzo taking oh, let’s say a thirty eight directly to the chest of his little kevlar vest… proportionately, that would be roughly equivalent to the average human absorbing the impact of the surface area of a bowling ball at muzzle velocity. Mini-Bonzo’s kevlar vest would probably stop the round from penetrating and it would also serve as a nice disposable bag for all of the monkey goo inside. If the round pinned Mini-Bonzo against a girder or a wall, you’d have the equivalent of a road kill pancake…
Well, I guess it would be awfully cute to see a tiny monkey dressed in a bullet proof vest… with a tin cup for donations for the Policeman’s Benevolent Association or something… but to the tune of $100,000?
Yeah… and then they just shake their heads in stunned silence… Maybe it’s the lack of water and brain-frying temperatures…
well now, I’d love to see the main “Chimp” in one of those, with a camera, in a combat zone…LMAO,,do ya think the “chimp” would get out alive??? (and no two way radio, who wants to hear the prick whine when the shit hits the fan? LMAO, then he would know how our boys feel in combat, with NO voice in what’s happening)
As for this poor lil’ monkey here, turn the lil’ prick loose in the zoo with some female monkeys, and let that boy GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO… ROTFLMAO
In a crowded field, the tiny, tiny vest is the dumbest thing I’ve read since forever. Would also slow the monkey down quite a bit–can’t you just see the little guy dragging along, weighed down by Kevlar? That stuff’s heavy. Poor Mini-Bonzo.
Somebody needs to revive Proxmire’s “Golden Fleece” award for the dumbest use of government funding. Nice catch and ewww to the monkey goo imagery, bood (dood?)
Hey bood, I always look forward to your diaries. Sometimes it’s the only smile of the day with all the crappy news to wade through. I saw that story also while cruising the net for news before I headed over here to Bootrib.
Besides the idea of monkey goo….The article states that it would cost 15,000 to purchase the monkey but the other 85,000 thousand goes guess where folks? To the officer who is training and keeping this monkey at his home..this is for 3 years he says for cost of food, medical care for monkey etc..that comes out to a little over 28,000 a year for the monkey needs. Maybe I should apply as this is 3 times what my disability check comes to a year..I suppose we always knew that ‘Chimps’ were more high maintenance than regular folks didn’t we.
Maybe the cost is so high due to all that material needed in the monkey vest and no doubt the enormous appetite this little bruiser will have, right?
Correct me if I’m wrong, but aren’t Capuchin Monks pacifists? I guess that they could hang Mini-Bonzo up by his own Kevlar vestment and mummify him in his own little catacomb when he dies or is killed in the line of duty…
Really, pacifists? I imagine this whole idea is just stupid enough for this guy to his grant. I think he might have been smoking some sort of peacepipe when he came up with this brilliant idea.
Are you sure this isn’t one of Sherrif Jerk’s lame-ass ideas?