What if you knew her and
Found her dead on the ground?
How can you run when you know? [CSN&Y]
Finally got the paper I’d been waiting for. Three years, ten months, two days. May 2, 1970. “Honorable Discharge”. Goodbye Thailand, hello California. Then two days later, this:
[Note: All the information about that day is maintained on the May4th website.]
Because of the international dateline, after a flight of roughly 10,000 miles, we took off and landed on the same day at the same time. Deja weird. One day to process out at Travis AFB, then no more living according to military rules. First on the list: see who’d made it home. In our case, all of them. Seven went in, six saw combat, one shoulder wound (two weeks to fix, then back in the shit), I was the last man back. W-a-a-a-y too much fun after four years of stars, bars, and striped-ass-APes. You would have thought we were all mad dog rowdies. Close.
America had changed when we were gone, and had become a very strange place indeed. Complete polarization of the populace. Absolutely no middle ground. Fer’ it, or agin’ it; “love it or leave it”. Bullshit. We knew what was going on in “theater”, but found the public had no clue. Eighteen-year-old long-hair kids on campus passing out literature against the war, telling vets what was really going on in Vietnam. F*ckin’ idiots.
They raged against the “military”, felt anyone in uniform was supporting the war, and Nixon was the enemy. Youth in search of a clue. How could they say that? One heartbeat after arriving in-country the job became staying alive for 364-and-a-wakeup. When we got back the job was to do anything we could to help end the war. So the rest of our people could come home. No politics involved. F*ckin’ idiots.
From the time we got home, to the time the war “ended” 30 years ago, neither side gave an inch. Thank god for Watergate. A most excellent distraction from the war. We were “scaling down”, and finally left Vietnam. Ford finalized the ending. Carter came in talking about “healing” America, realizing our potential as a people and a nation. Most of us agreed. Except the chickenhawk Republicans. F*ckin’ idiots.
May 4, 2005. Extreme polarization, neither side willing to give an inch, our people engaged in a war-cupation with a smaller country, and a growing movement demanding that we “bring home the troops”. This time the people held off slamming the people in uniform. Until Abu Grahib. “We love you and want you home you poor misguided sons-a-bitch-baby-killers”. F*ckin idiots.
It’s Rummy. No, it’s King George. No, it’s all of them + PNAC. No, it’s us, just like it’s always been. In a participatory democracy, it is our responsibility. We’ve got the best government money can buy. MoveOn bought the democrats, just ask them. The religious right owns the Republicans, just ask them. The media is clueless, just read them. F*ckin idiots.
It is the chickenhawks, the wannabe “Gucci Boy Warriors” in congress, the religious right’s “Jesus Hates Muslims”, and the entire executive branch on one side. On the other side it is the democrat’s internal pissing contest, machine vs. roots war, dazed and confused leadership, and “morally superior” catechism. The chasm between the two sides of that counterfeit coin puts the American public between a rock and a hard case. F*ckin idiots.
Meanwhile, back at the farm, the rest of us just try to make sense of it all. But how to make sense of the images? I’ve seen them from the first photographs ever taken in war in the 1800’s, and from every war since. Written descriptions back to antiquity. No variance. The acts perpetrated by one human being upon another haven’t changed in millenia. F*ckin idiots.
I remember the captioned picture that started this thing, along with the picture of the woman screaming in rage and pain following the “battle” for Hue. Now I’ve added the picture of the little girl who’s family has been shot to pieces, screaming and covered in blood by the side of their car. And the man in the uniform looking older than Lazarus holding her in his arms, exploding inside with rage and frustration, wishing to god life came with an eraser. And that the people responsible for starting this thing, for putting him in that position, could just for five minutes stand there in his boots, live in his skin, and tell that child that life will go on. Somehow.
F*ckin idiots.
I will never forget, nor forgive, those who had the choice between war and peace, and chose war. Can’t shake it this morning. Between the “30th Anniversary” bullshit, and the “Morning Car Bomb Report”…..
F*ckin idiots.
Great rant. There is a whole different dynamic now that our military does not have conscription. It’s a dangerous thing to build the world’s biggest arsenal, and then not have a broad section of the nation serving in the military.
The military considers it a success that people are not in the streets protesting the war. But it a pyhrric victory.
conscription
Yeah, we used to talk about alternatives to military service. To a person, everyone felt like we should require at least two years service to the country in some capacity. No exceptions. I still believe it’s a good idea.
however, in all honesty, I didn’t feel that way when I was 18-22 years old.
So, I’m careful not to get too loud about it.
I want to say so many things, but this brings up too many emotions and thoughts, some conflicting, that I don’t seem to have the words to articulate. Your last paragraph says it all. So, I think I’ll just stick with:
Welcome home. And thank you for this diary.
And the guys know they’ve been welcomed back too. Just took 25 years or so to get there. I worry about those coming home now too. Another generation waking up in cold sweats and ducking at backfires. Like my stepdad did into the late 50’s (British navy, WWII).
(I was safe in an office – an observer – but somehow not safe from the war.)
Rba, if you ever have the time and are so inclined, I’d love to read a diary about your time in Vietnam.
Even if you just post something old that you wrote a long time ago.
Even if your job was in an office and not, perhaps, as exciting as some other dispatches, it would be welcomed by me.
Every single person has their own history and their own perspective, and I love to read them all because I have a personality disorder 😉
I was in Thailand – air war – but those friends of mine do have stories worth telling. And I have the same disorder. ;-
I worry about the ones coming home now too, especially as there is not nearly the support system set up that is needed, apparently. Not that there ever is, I guess, for all that we’re such a militarized country.
No one is safe from war, I dont think… whether they are in the military, in combat, safe at home, not in the military at all or anything, anti, pro, dont’ care…war affects everyone. Or, at least, it should.
I think you should tell yours and others stories too, when you get the urge.
No one is safe from war….
That’s true. My future in-laws were pacifists – he was a minister, she a teacher – as were all five of their daughters. All were profoundly affected by the war. It becomes woven into the “fabric of life” you talk about in your diary.
(The people universally despised were those like King George who had someone pull strings to save them from the draft.)
Urge to write? Like alot of us here, more like compelled. <grin>
I was born in the late 50s (in Hollywood, no less) so I definitely grew up in the shadow of the Vietnam war. I was probably more aware of it than many kids my age, because my older brother was a hippie and there were always people in and out of the house, and discussions of the war and stuff. I didn’t understand much of it, but what was scary was… neither did anyone else. No matter who you asked… “so, what is the war about?” … “well.. um… “. And then they’d mumble something about communists, maybe, but be unable to explain beyond that.
For our current invasion, of course, you can take your pick of reasons, since they change so often.
I have a couple of young friends…well, early 30s, who are passionately anti war, and simply cannot understand the reluctance or outright refusal of many others who are also passionately anti war to organize against the troops themselves (beyond things like Abu Ghraib and so on, and even then most want the leaders in addition to the scapegoats).
Anyway, they ask…how can you condemn the killing of Iraqis (or Afghanis) without condemning the ones killing them? How can you condemn the wars without condemning those that fight it, especially as they are volunteers? They argue that it’s a cop-out, illogical, enabling, two-faced, hypocritical, right wing, an impossible position and etcetra.
They don’t much like (or accept) the answer that I and others give them… that it may well be all of those things, and does definitely require holding any number of different thoughts in your head at the same time, but… if you’d lived through Vietnam, you’d understand.
organize against the troops themselves
Makes me wish we still had the draft. I’m serious. Like Boo said, at least then we’d have a force comprised of the complete American demographic. People who now spout moral judgements would be forced to either join or burn their card. This time around, they have the luxury of bullshit with no consequences.
Do they remember they were sent there by a near-unanimous vote in Congress, leading to a “go” order from the President of the United States? By all means, organize against people who are doing their job.
Like the bulk of the troops who are engaged in trying to protect the civilian population with one hand, and trying to keep the “KBR Cowboys” from killing more with the other. With an occupation force that is one-fourth the necessary size required to maintain order.
In an environment that makes Dodge City look like a pre-school. In a country with no functioning government, no infrastructure, fighting “insurgents”, terrorists, criminals, and religious fundamentalists; and where everyone is armed. Where sitting down for a meal at the Halliburton Chow hall may be your last. Where the kid you just gave some food to got blown up by a car bomb on the way home. And your best friend just got blown in half by an “IED”.
I wish that for just one time, you could stand inside (their) shoes.
You’d know then what a drag it is to see you. [R. Zimmerman]
who served in the National Guard to avoid “getting killed in a swamp.” While serving and going to university he wrote an editorial against the Vietnam peace settlement. And he grew up to be a super chicken hawk. He wants the US to bomb Iran and he wants the US to bomb N. Korea.
4 tours, I understand.
Damn. 4 tours? I’m in awe. Welcome back yourself.
4 tours – I am honored you are here
My 2 years was stateside: Point of Disembarkation – Oakland Army Base 1974-1976….Hell could be seen in the eyes of the soldiers coming home…young men torn apart by the what they saw in the jungles of So East Asia.
And now another generation – hidden from view yet…my heart breaks and makes me want to fight that much harder.
Thank you and rba for your service….whereever and however.