Piscataway, NJ (APE) – Children at Douglas MacArthur Middle School were treated to the latest PR Campaign/Craze that is sweeping the nation. The local National Guard division rolled out a battle-ready M1-A1 Abrams tank onto the playground for the kids’ inspection. Douglas MacArthur has been identified as a school of excellence for its one hundred percent perfect compliance record with the “No Child Left Behind” initiative. They were also cited for one hundred percent compliance with parents electing to “opt-in” with registration of their children into the national military recruitment database
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Pictured foreground left to right are brothers Tyler, Michael, and Gannon Fodder, along with Lisa Winchester, all of Piscataway, NJ. They were the lucky winners of a school raffle for the privilege of “tank surfing”.
Winners of a school wide raffle were treated to one shot at “tank surfing”. Tank surfing is the latest initiative from the armed services designed to reach and enthuse more children at a younger age. The object of tank surfing is to leap into the air on command at the precise time that a practice round is fired and “surf” the resultant pressure wave. Small children with a low body weight are ideally suited for this sport.
There has been uproar from parents in some areas of the nation in regards to attempts by military recruiters to access eligible high school students. Army recruiter spokesman Sgt. Hugh Maggott stated, “Parents have really been a detriment in trying to meet our recruitment goals. Research demonstrated that our efforts would be far better spent in attempting to influence potential soldiers at a much younger age, before their parents were able to exert undue influence.”
When asked about the safety of tank surfing, Sgt. Maggott replied, “The whole concept was kind of stumbled upon by accident. At a military show in the Midwest a little boy wandered away from his mother and into the midst of a demonstration. He was blown about five feet through the air and the crowd went dead silent. Then, the little guy picks himself up off the ground, and shoves his fist in the air and yells at the top of his lungs, `That was awesome!’ Afterwards, we realized that this was just the man we would be looking for in a few years. Other than a few abrasions, a couple of bruises, and a temporary hearing loss, he was just fine.”
“That’s how it got started,” Sgt. Maggott continued. ” We’re very careful in these demonstrations now that the kids all wear earplugs and maintain a safe distance. Occasionally we get some singed hair, but that’s not too big a deal, because they really don’t have a lot of hair at that age. There is rarely some nausea and vomiting from the spectators, but hey, kids throw up at that age, too.”
Sgt. Maggott concluded, “We are at war, and it is a war for hearts and minds. The Armed services simply must have access to America’s best and brightest if we are to survive. This is what we fight for, to hear the laughter and squeals of these little children, and to bring our brand of democracy to the rest of the world.”
I really kicked over a hornets nest with it over on DKos… but, I love controversy… ; )
I’ve enjoyed all your diaries, bood. They have lifted my spirits on the darkest of days.
Yes you did, but the surf’s still up, Dood! Nice job.
awww, hell Dood, what’s a few lil’ bee stings, amongst battle ; )
keep’m on their toes LOL
Doesn’t take much these days, it seems….
I loved it there, I love it here — keep ’em coming!
There has been uproar from parents in some areas of the nation in regards to attempts by military recruiters to access eligible high school students. Army recruiter spokesman Sgt. Hugh Maggott stated, “Parents have really been a detriment in trying to meet our recruitment goals. Research demonstrated that our efforts would be far better spent in attempting to influence potential soldiers at a much younger age, before their parents were able to exert undue influence.”
Bold added by me.
This comes for an administation that claims to support the family. It only supports families that adhere to the Dobson, Falwell, Robertson, Bush, Cheney, Anti Christ that has infected our country. Their very existence threatens our security, our national identity and our freedom. These theocrats have deemed and schemed to usurp our constitution by Fiat and dare to mouth the words “We are reclaiming family values for our citizens.” I for one despise each and every one of these fascists theocrats, finding in them the worst of all the most insidious despots of the last 350 yrs. Combined I believe they make up the Anti Christ and can only hope that our citizenry will Arise and throw off their tyrannical and fascist collar that is slowly tightening around the neck of our republic.
Don’t give these people ideas!
(Not that there is room in their crania- my son’s kindergarten class still proudly displays the thank you certificate they received from an army artillery unit that was the beneficiary of a care package from the class. The certificate is very pretty, and formal, and is signed by the unit’s “moral” officer. (Not that I can spell either, but I have learned the correct spelling of every job title I’ve ever had.))
Moral officer?
Wow not only does that speak to the hideous illiteracy of my fellow countrymen and countrywomen, it also brings to mind an unwelcome reference to the old Soviet Union.. ugh what a creepy document!
Pax