Selections from My Name is Blanket, © 2046 Blanket Jackson
By Paul Ford

My father Michael wanted to protect us, to give us inauspicious, normal lives free of the media spotlight. He accomplished this: by allowing documentary filmmakers to record our childhoods, by dressing us in feathered Mardi Gras masks and gauze when we left the ranch, and by dangling me out of a window with a towel on my head. In retrospect, the logic of his parenting was ambiguous at best. Nonetheless, I had my own giraffe. … more below:
IMAGE ABOVE:
From Episode 24: Father Michael
Michael misspells kids’ names
Countdown with Keith Olbermann
(video)
(continued)
My name was a problem. I had no regular playmates, aside from my siblings and the occasional busload of orphans. But on the occasions when the ranch had any visitors my own age or slightly older, they would call me Pillow, or, if they were French children, Duvet. When I was 9 I developed a bedwetting problem that would not subside, and the housekeepers nicknamed me Wet Blanket, and then, when the special anti-bedwetting system was installed, Rubber Blanket.
. . . . .
From observing the children my father invited to the ranch, I assumed that everyone outside of my family had a terminal disease. I desperately wanted to be as ill as them. When I was about to turn 10, he asked me what I wanted for my birthday. I said, “chemotherapy.”
. . . . .
I realize that many were surprised to learn that, as a man in his 40s, my father liked to cuddle and hold hands with 12-year-old boys. In my house such behavior was the height of normalcy, and it is my belief that it never had a sexual component (although my father’s demands for attention from children were certainly out of the bounds of appropriateness).
What was not clear was whether the populace was so shocked by his behavior because the contact was inappropiate, or because 12-year-old boys are so repulsive that it is sheer perversion simply to enjoy their company.
. . . . .
Uri Geller was my father’s close companion during my childhood and after. His presence was dreaded by Prince, Paris, and I. His constant spoonbending meant that we only had forks for our cereal. And Uri brought awful visitors, like the doddering Ariel Sharon, who talked endlessly of his own Sycamore ranch in Israel, and, too often, a notorious freeloading sham artist known to the staff as “Sixpack Chopra.”
It was Geller who worked with my father to arrange for the design of the device which became known as the “Soul Harvester,” and who arranged for the shipments of orphans. …
I’d keep pasting, but it IS copyrighted, after all. Go here to read the rest.
rofl! That’s hilarious. Thanks, Susan!
god, that is funny! I’ll admit I’ve given some thought to what it will be like for that kid growing up with the name Blanket.
My new favorite name is Penn Gillette’s new baby girl:
Roxie Crimefighter !
Roxie Crimefighter?! OMG. is there a photo of his baby?
I haven’t seen one yet. At first I thought it was a stupid name, but now I think it’s so cool! I would love for that to be my name.
I misspoke. It’s Moxie Crimefighter. Sorry bout that.
Is soooo much cooler. Man, that even beats Dwezil!
With the name blanket can’t be much worse then growing up with the name Moon-Unit. However, blanket or no blanket, Micheal Jackson kids are going to be really weird when they grow up. I don’t think this parody is that far off the mark of what will actually happen (at least, that is the part before Jacko lowers a dome over his ranch, and starts harvesting orphens souls).
” read the rest”…I think not.
Is this offensive to people?
I thought it was funny … kind of like Keith Olbermann’s nightly puppet theatres about the trial. If I missed something, I’m sorry.
Its laugh or cry.
You are a riot Susanhuboo…anything to make me laugh these days…J’adore Blanket…It’s going to be an interesting life for those children.
Every one’s a critic *sigh*
Countdown’ tops MSNBC ratings
Ever since Keith Olbermann and his Countdown team took to the MSNBC airwaves, I’ve heaped praises on the show. Now Countdown is the highest-rated show on MSNBC with a solid showing in the 25-54 demographic. “[We’ve] gotten young people to watch television news,” Olbermann says. And yes, he writes most of the one-hour show himself. (Via TVNewser)
Lost Remote
I love Keith! So glad he’s doing well. Hope he’s rubbing it in O’Leilly’s face. 😉
Well I doubt he’ll be rubbing it in his face since Olbermann’s rating is a 0.3 and O’Reilly’s is a 1.7 but it’s still great news for Olbermann. Hopefully he can gain viewers as O’Reilly loses them.
Also it would be great if Angelina Jolie would go on Olbermann’s show. O’Reilly obviously has some squicky falafel lust for her so that not only might she help Keith’s ratings but Bill might spontaneously combust when he found out. That would be a win-win scenario.
My BF and I will be there in July and I’m looking for recommendations for restaurants. I’d like something romantic with good food. I’m not into chain restaurants and would love to go to someplace that is a local joint.
TIA.
So everybody may well have seen this over and over again. It was new to me, and a nice message after a too busy week and week-end.
http://www.inlibertyandfreedom.com/Flash/Think_It_Over.swf
Watch D.R.A.F.T.
— sent to me by Susan T in Michigan. It rawks totally.
abt battle in Afhganistan
post this “email of the day” from Andrew Sullivan’s site. It made me laugh (plus I wasn’t familiar with the scripture he is quoting):
How true.
I love your sense of humor! Quick story about Michaela
Jackson: My son and I were a library about 15 years ago – he was 5 at the time. He was looking at record album jackets of the Jackson Family’s Greatest Hits and then at more recent albums of MJ as a solo artist. My son then queried, “Mom, do all black people turn white when they get older?”
OMG! That is hysterically funny! Does your son mind you telling the story?
My son and I have the same warped sense of humor, so it’s cool.
I’m wondering what kind of verdict the jury will bring back? Prison? Where? Prison for Men – Prison for Women – Prison for Species Undetermined…
And that entourage that accompanies MJ into the court each day. Real marketable skills: umbrella carrier for the rich and weird. What is the umbrella for anyway? Maybe the sun causes noses to fall ALL the way off. (nasal malfunction)
It’s really quite sad when i think about it beyond the circus.
I can’t imagine him surviving in prison but expect they’ll be protective of him.
And it’s tragic for his children, just as it’s tragic for the children of every inmate.
If he did what he’s accused of, he deserves prison, I suppose. However, I think prison is the poorest way of handling those who break the law, and wish we had better alternatives.
Odd, isn’t it, that this all came from that unfortunate interview with the British “journalist.” Martin Bashir (don’t know how to spell his last name). I watched a bit of that, and found Bashir to be incredibly manipulative in his commentary, in his editing, etc. And Jackson was a fool to let him into his life.
I really don’t know what to think about his guilt or innocence. I’m not surprised they tried to discredit the accuser’s mother though. And they might not have been that rough on the parent, had it been a father, rather than a mother. What really did happen in Neverland? Who knows? I find his fanatical believers horrifying though. They weren’t there. But then I find Bush’s fanatical believers horrifying as well.
I’m confused too about his guilt or innocence. If I were on the jury, I might have a very hard time voting for conviction. There is reasonable doubt. (But, with my annoying habit of seeing both sides, I often think that. Unless there’s a smoking gun, it’s hard for mer to presume guilt.)
I don’t know about the mother/father issue. She sounds like a very troubled, manipulative person, and it’s terrible she’s put her kids through not just this circus, but the J.C. Penney matter.
The fans: It’s emotionally comforting to believe absolutely and worship adoringly. It’s an imagined connection but it feels completely real to the fans. Fascinating, actually.
the tinfoilhattiest site on the web. best stories? NY Attack, NWO/Chinese Invasion, and Nuclear Tsunamis. I’ll only link to the main website and let you explore for yourselves. Suggested method of treatment afterwards: 5 shots of everclear or a decontamination shower.