Just found out that my Aunt will have a monthly financial shortfall now that my Uncle is gone.  One would think that since his death was due to military service that perhaps they would provide something monthly, and they do but we aren’t sure whom would ever qualify for that since she has been told that she will be denied, but she can appeal.  What does any of this mean?  Here I am the niece of these fine wonderful people and my husband is on the war list, been there already once before…..a war based on what?..it leaves all of us who love him so with a swirling black hole in our soul when he is in Iraq…..is he going back?  I don’t know.  I know that he had to go to the final meeting today with the people doing the family assessment.  My words to them go something like, “Go fuck yourself forever and ever, see ya in hell, hope you die screaming!”  The social worker is nice enough, don’t get me wrong, all this shit about mission though and what they think I can accomplish if my husband is gone if only I go have a little visit with them once a week to blow off stress…….the stress that I have being without a husband with a disabled child having surgeries while my husband fights in illegal “war”.  The word “War” has always bothered me too…….isn’t a war something like armies lined up against each other, something like people declaring they mean harm to each other…….that never happened so is it a war?  What is it?  I have read three chapters of Catch-22 and I feel as crazy as Yossarian seems to be and my understanding is that he is hero……boy are we fucked!