Just found out that my Aunt will have a monthly financial shortfall now that my Uncle is gone. One would think that since his death was due to military service that perhaps they would provide something monthly, and they do but we aren’t sure whom would ever qualify for that since she has been told that she will be denied, but she can appeal. What does any of this mean? Here I am the niece of these fine wonderful people and my husband is on the war list, been there already once before…..a war based on what?..it leaves all of us who love him so with a swirling black hole in our soul when he is in Iraq…..is he going back? I don’t know. I know that he had to go to the final meeting today with the people doing the family assessment. My words to them go something like, “Go fuck yourself forever and ever, see ya in hell, hope you die screaming!” The social worker is nice enough, don’t get me wrong, all this shit about mission though and what they think I can accomplish if my husband is gone if only I go have a little visit with them once a week to blow off stress…….the stress that I have being without a husband with a disabled child having surgeries while my husband fights in illegal “war”. The word “War” has always bothered me too…….isn’t a war something like armies lined up against each other, something like people declaring they mean harm to each other…….that never happened so is it a war? What is it? I have read three chapters of Catch-22 and I feel as crazy as Yossarian seems to be and my understanding is that he is hero……boy are we fucked!
Oh, Tracy, I am so sorry. I always think that it is horrible that the survivors of soldiers, firefighters, law enforcement officers, etc. who commit suicide are denied benefits. It isn’t right at all.
Is there anything I can do to help?
that you hear helps. Otherwise it just feels like I’m screaming into an abyss, the crowd can’t hear me, they are too busy watching the picture screen and waving flags and doing political analysis.
This is one of those totally distateful suggestions – but it might work…
Do you have Republican Senator or Congressman in your district?
If so…contact their office – tell them the situation, and since your husband is in the military it will help…
Avoid the issue of political issues…just fairness to soldiers and their families…
Don’t rant and rave…just be what you are – a grieving family member – tears work.
they are residents of Arizona and it was her father that was my Uncle. I suppose it is a start, but wow is it hard witnessing this going on in my life. It certainly wasn’t planned. The last person on earth I would have ever thought that I would ever marry was a soldier. Funny huh? I did though, and we had many talks over many candlelit evenings over many glasses of wine about what being a soldier meant. I had to truly understand it in order to marry into it, and I did understand it as my husband put it…..but how it has always been for him though was protecting you and me and my kids and your kids…..it was never supposed to be this, but it is this. By law they can ask my husband to give his life also in whatever way they see fit, and then betray his family if they choose to is what I’m seeing happen to my Aunt. Sure it took Vietnam almost 40 years to kill my Uncle, but he died most definately from his service there. I hope that John McCain puts my Aunt on his to do list, she really needs it……we all need it to restore some sense of trust in our American existence again.
McCain’s office will kick this over to his constituent services people quickly. When I worked for Kerry in his first term in the Senate, we paid close attention to anything coming from veterans, especially Vietnam era ones. My understanding is that McCain has a similar attitude in his office.
And try to hang in there. Game that Army system the best you can and keep us posted.
Thank you for this feed back, it is reassuring to hear!
Random thought on my drive home:
The local chapters of the Daughters of the American Revolution are active in supporting Veterans and their issues – including families.
I’ll email you from frog pond and get your city and state and I’ll get you a contact name if I can…
When my father had his heart attack, my mom tried to get him transferred into the local VA hospital from Stanford, so that we wouldn’t go bankrupt paying $$$$ hospital fees. When the VA balked, my mom called our congressman (at that time Charles Gubser); his office did a bang up job and got him in there, where he was cared for until he died.
It’s probably a lot different these days (this was back in 1970), but his office was very concerned about our family, too — the head of his local office even came to Dad’s funeral, which I thought was a nice gesture.
[A Google search reveals that Gubser was actually a member of the House Armed Services Committee in the 92nd and 93rd Congress, which might partially explain his willingness to help out an old WWII vet…]
Tracy…you’re not fucked, you are loved. Can we do anything to help other than listen and give you a place to vent? I am so sorry you are going through this.
Is the highest price anyone can pay me right now. I feel frantic and crazy when I look out into the parking lot at the mall, seeing everybody tending to their daily business and I want to grab them by the arm for just a moment. I want them to know about their military and the families of their military. I want them to listen and understand that most of us aren’t doing so well out here right now. I want them to see my eyes and the eyes of the others….the broken families, the PTSD families, the families of the fallen, the lost Christmases and birthdays and Thanksgivings to something that most people now think of as based on lies and bullshit.
keep going girl. Let it all out. Know that over half the country supports you. I can only suggest you take that anger and put it to good use. I know you are involved with other military families. Can you start a support group or a group that marches or something, anything to rediredt your anger? Would having one of our phone#’s help? I would be willing to give you mine via diane101, she has my email and we could go from there. I am serious girl. Anytime, day or night.
I may need to take you up on that offer. I am on my Aunts list of people to call day or night and vent to, it is nice to know that I also have the same if and when I need it. I just got clobbered with this this evening, and it feels like clobbered. I know that many family members expected it. I suppose that for the sake of survival I was in denial that they would or could so easily brush her off. To have acknowledged that right then was more than I could have handled right at that moment. My husband suggested that I write this diary. He says that it has helped me so much in the past.
Your comment Aloha, has given me an idea of starting a support group, similar to our Yahoo group for Frog.Bottom Cafe diaries,and have volunteers that would be email partners (or phone if desired and available for venting, comforting, etc.)for anyone who needs comforting or venting and there are many among us…
Also if you have yahoo, you can talk live via the phone ability on yahoo messenger and it does not cost anything, all you need is a mic.
Sally cat has a yahoo group already that has no mission and no use yet so we may be able to use that or easily start a new one.
What do all think…I would be willing to organize such a thing if others agree.
Definately joining!
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/frog_pond/
All you need is a Yahoo email account…
I check my Yahoo email on average once an hour during work hours and a couple of times each evening…pacific time.
Just go to the site…click Join…
Sally can you join the group without an invitation, didn’t think you could. I think you need an invite…
No invite necessary….I changed the set-up so that it’s open. In keeping with the tone of Booman I didn’t want it by invitation only. All that’s needed is a Yahoo account to sign in, click on join this group…should be good.
Moderators can monitor posts and exchanges, and if necessary, ban abuses.
Sorry and thanks Sallycat, I looked at the site and didn’t see any click to join, that’s why I asked…Maybe you or someone or I could post something there to the effect that this site can be used for support, comforting, etc. and possibly hook up with someone for one on one talk.
Since it is your site, I don’t want to set the pace or tone, unless you want my help.
Also would you want to do a diary on this with the link and invite members to join the group for support.
I just thought it would be a good idea…and had no particular vision…the posts and shared info… gives a sense of personal involvement…
Diane, you and shirl are both moderators…you can change descriptions, messages, post pictures on the page…
I’m working 12 hour days for the next few weeks – so please have a good time with it…
Thank you Sallycat!
Your story has reached me, and I’ll add my voice to yours to let those around me know what you and your family, and other families are experiencing.
I understand your pain and frustration at seeing people acting in a normal fashion when times seem anything but normal.
Please take care of yourself – vent often for instance. And know that while many are seemingly oblivious, there are a hell of a lot of us in this virtual world that are keeping you and your family in our thoughts.
O.
That part of things catches me every now and then, seeing other people who are my countrymen going about their everyday lives. I have no idea what their awareness is of our current military situation. It isn’t as if any one person could change anything, and half of the nation is fully aware now that things are definately not going well with the Iraq situation…..it is going to take time though to sort things out and we still have this current Administration to contend with. I hope that people know that during the 2006 elections I will be on my knees. If I need to take photos and disperse those I will with the caption “This is what a military spouse looks like on their knees, please vote and vote accordingly”. 2006 seems so far away some days, like today……and just around the corner so I need to start getting my ducks in a row for the work to come on other days. Some days I see the future and some days right now I see the abyss. Losing anybody else that I dearly love to political power “wars” is my fear I guess that brings on the abyss.
I hear you loud and clear. It makes me so damn angry what we do to our military families, our military personell and our veterans. It has been this was seemingly forever. My uncle who was one of Eisenhowers aids in Italy, WWII, told stories about mistreatment during the war. At the end of his life, when he needed help, the VA couldn’t be bothered. So he sold eveything he had including his house so he could get medical care.
Nice.
If you ever need someone to rant to, please feel free to email me, and I will be glad to share phone numbers if ya just wanna talk. . .any time.
If there is more that I or anyone can do, please let us know.
Hugs
Shirl
I am feeling better right now. Reading others words here and also posting doggy pics on some threads, damn, kinda fun! I have lightened up considerably in a short time, whew! Sometimes it feels really rough.
I am signed up over there. This is so great and Tracy get your butt over there too! No, not tomorrow, right now…lol.
Be there in a sec