In honor of the President citing more forged documents to justify killing Iraqis, I thought we could write some forgeries ourselves.
Some suggestions:
A letter from Fidel Castro to Lee Harvey Oswald
A letter of thanks from Dick Cheney to Michael Ledeen.
A love letter from Jodie Foster to John Hinckley telling him how impressed she is.
A thank you letter from Karl Rove to the President of Diebold.
You get the idea: prove whatever you want through creative writing.
Dear T.O. ,
Excellent work. It’s all going as planned. You’ve taken your first step to joining us in the Land of Misfit Toys.
Sincerely,
Al Davis
It’s funny you mention this. I just found an old letter in my attic from MLK Jr. thanking “Bull” Connor for using fire hoses against the people of Alabama as it was done in the name of “preserving law and order”.
I guess MLK wasn’t that great of a guy after all and we don’t need a holiday celebrating civil disobedience!
Pax
Dear Comrade Leonid Brezhnev,
Thank you so much for the liter of vodka and the most generous check. I am eternally grateful and will continue to undermine the morale and unity of the bourgeousie.
Eternally yours,
Martin Luther King, Jr.
Dear John,
I am so sorry you weren’t able to get away and join us. Everything is going as planned. George S. supplied the stash and the cash, Julius and Ethel brought the papers, Bill and Hill are here in secret. Harry and Nancy are keeping the patriots and saviors distracted. Jesse and Teddy will be arriving soon.
Love and Cuddles,
Jane
p.s. You went to Vietnam in the summer. It is fall now. You will have war wounds to fake — Iraqi insurgents to support and suicide bombers, biological threats and the Iranian nuclear program to keep alive. Here in the east, where you vacation, the aspens will already be turning. They turn in clusters, because their roots connect them. Come back and join us in Hanoi—and commie life. Until then, you will remain in my thoughts and atheist non-prayers.
This just makes me smile. Thanks!
For some reason that stupid letter of Libby’s intrigues me in a nauseating way: how can people write so darn badly and get published? They get good reviews too. I just read a review of Barbara Boxer’s new novel that referred to Scooter’s “accomplished first novel” and I was inspired to run to the stacks to fetch my library’s very own copy of The Apprentice, last checked out in 1997. I’ll let you know if I find any insights therein.
Thanks again for that great acid, PILL-grum. — John Wayne.
frivolous thread before posting my Absinthe slut diary….
I am just a normal woman, but a little hot-blooded. I find that if I expose large regions of my upper chest to the air it helps me cool down.
how can it be that one such cooling down can cause so many heatings-up?
Cast of characters are the ones that first come to mind…
Dear K.R.
I miss our one-on-one meetings. We had such a good time learning the ins and outs of the West Wing.
Looking forward to seeing you out and about – since I can’t come to your place anymore. Hopefully you won’t have to deal with any confined space in the near future. Although I hear there are interesting and talented people to meet there.
J.G.
You could probably change the initials to
“to ILL”
“from JM”
and have the same wording!
I just wrote this in the last thread but it seems to fit here….
From the Ministry of Truth:
endless war on terror
Oceania has always been at war with Eastasia.
The Continental Congress was formed by Ronald Reagan in order to support George Bush in his great battles of Bunker Hill and Fallujah. George Bush’s leadership during the heroic winter at Tikrit Forge and his saving the nation following the traitorous actions of Benedict Gore and Kerry Arnold at the battle of Saratoga have ensured our eventual victory over the Viet Queda.
All good citizens must be on the look out for agents of Emmanuel Goldstein and Osama Chi Minh. We have recently learned that agents such as Al Franken, Hillary Clinton, and Bernie Sanders walk free among us.
Oceania has always been at war with Eurasia.
CONFIDENTIAL
To: Michael Moore
From: Ann Coulter
Re: Fahrenheit 9/11
Please be advised that as a professional journalist, famous author and consultant on the film it is my carefully considered opinion that the viewpoint taken is too far to the right. The producers and director need to carefully consider and perhaps rewrite the script and/or edit the footage. If your target audience is those on the left side of the political spectrum (something I know much about as a closet liberal) then serious changes need to be made. Failure to make these changes will likely result in critical failure.
Dear Booman,
I just can’t stop thinking about last weekend. Especially the lazy Sunday morning where we didn’t even climb out of bed until noon. I’ve been clicking onto your blog all week just to get a little taste of remembering what it was like. I notice that your users have written pieces slamming Lindsey Graham and military recruiters. But Booman, what’s up with all the Veteran’s Day posts? Everyone knows that honoring our soldiers only prolongs the war in Iraq. We need more spitting on uniformed vets and less of those lame candle flames. Maybe you can subtly and invisibly adjust your diary recommendation system to deal with this problem – the users never need to know. See you next weekend!
Love and kisses,
Michael Moore
Dear BooMan,
The war of propaganda is nearly over and our reward is within reach. You with your blog provide the perfect counterpoint to my devious tactics. We control both sides of the spectrum. Soon you and I will rule the world.
xoxoxo,
Karl
the BWAHAHAHAHA.
Dear Karl,
I know what you did last summer.
Love,
Joe
Dear Karl,
Who in the hell is Joe?
Yours, Jeff
Would now be a good time to post a refutation of Intelligent Design, using our Preznit as Exhibit #1?
Oh well, how about this link instead: GOP Meltdown.
Publisher of the New York Times, to little Judy.
You write anything you want, I’ll stand behind you. WMD? there were none? You are off the hook because you relied on faulty intelligence from the Clinton administration.
They are all wrong Judy dear, AP, Slate, New York Review of Books, The Nation, Editor & Publisher, American Journalism Review, Columbia Journalism Review and you are right. Right you are.
love,
Arthur
“Sulzberger”
Thanks for sticking up for us on this whole Intelligent Design thing, but you might want to let us take care of the wrathful smiting. (And oh, by the way, ass kissing is no “get-out-of-smiting-free” card. Just FYI, so it does not come as a complete surprise.
Yours Truly,
Ancient Astronauts.
He had a cable forged that had JFK specifically ordering the murder of the Diem brothers in the 1963 Saigon coup that took place just a few weeks before Kennedy was murdered in Dallas.
On that note, maybe we could forge a telegram from E. Howard Hunt to Jack Ruby dated November 23, 1963 ordering him to kill Oswald.
I don’t believe Oswald acted alone, BTW, just thought the latter would fit in nicely with the suggested forgeries.
Dear Rev. Robertson,
I must thank you for alerting my devout neighbors to the liklihood that god’s wrath will now strike our town of Dover, PA.
My neighbor’s house is much larger than mine, and they have a smaller family as well.I’ve been wanting their house for a long time now, but in his selfishness he’s refused to sell to me at a good price.
Now, in the aftermath of your dire pronouncement, he’s already approoached me to inquire if I still want to buy. I guess you really scared him good, and I am eternally grateful to you for helping me to get this opportunity.
(By the way, the neighbor’s wife is quite a bit younger and more attractive than mine. Is there anything you might say that could help me out along these lines?)
Sincerely,
A Pious friend from Dover.
I’m not making this up:
“Jon Stewart’s Attempts At “Balance” Water Down The Daily Show.”
Dear Mr. France (National Wildlife Federation)
Thank you so much for your support of the Bushite Administration’s proposal to take us off the Endangered Species List. The way we see it, our value as cartoon characters goes down if there are more real bears out there in the forest. So, the more developers who want to build vacation homes for Mr. Cheney (he kinda growls like one of us doesn’t he?) in the Yellowstone area the better! You know that seeing bears with picnic baskets is lots nicer than seeing bears carted off to the corner of the park. If you’d like more information here’s a link
…
The Interior Department and the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service declined to comment on the proposal, but a congressional official and a state government official who were each informed of the announcement confirmed the government’s plan. Both spoke on condition of anonymity because the proposal has not yet been made public….
Tom France, regional director for the National Wildlife Federation, said his organization believes removing bears from federal protection in the Yellowstone area is long overdue….
Chris Servheen, grizzly bear recovery coordinator for the Fish and Wildlife Service, said he also supported taking bears off the list.
“The agencies are in a state of denial about what’s happening on the landscape,” said Louisa Willcox, of the Natural Resources Defense Council.
Grizzly habitat is being threatened by development, and the bears’ food sources also are at risk, she said.
Gotta go after another picnic basket! Sincerely, Yogi and BooBoo
Dear George Bush,
Thank you for invading Iraq. I had no way to get 30,000 fighters to the US nor did I have 30,000 fighters until you invaded. Thank you for sending your army here to kill Iraqis I have no problem with that. This has given me a wonderful opportunity to kill Americans and recruit an army.
Your Friend,
Abu Musab al-Zarqawi
Dear Julius,
Your conquest of Gaul has made it possible for us to do what we’ve always dreamed of, take complete control of Rome! As the people’s hero you can destroy the Republic and no one will give a damn. I’ll be waiting in Egypt until the heat is off. I sure hope those nutty Ptolemies don’t chop my head off before you get there. LOLZ!
Sincerely,
Pompey Magnus
Dear Mr.Jackson:
Thank you for your membership application. Unfortunately, we do not have an opening for you at this time.
Yours,
Peter Ast
President, NAMBLA
Thanks again for helping get me off the hook with that damned re-election. –LBJ
Michael, dearest!
FOX will give us everything we wanted! Two years of debates, “spontaneously” arranged to flak my forthcoming book: Traitors You Know and Love.
We’ll outdo Bush and Kerry. Hell, we’ll outdo Phyllis and Hillary! And the pies, yes, I’ve arranged that we’ll each get our favorite pies at just the right times: Chocolate for you, the low-cal bulemic special coconut cream for me. See you soon, you big loveable traitor, and YES, ok, I’ll appear in your next film.
Annie
Dear Democrats,
The deed is done. Bushco has been demised. Only took one MK77.
signed,
allofus
I am very interested in this
尖锐湿疣 性病 尖锐湿疣 咪喹莫特 疣迪 尖锐湿疣 咪喹莫特 疣迪 艾达乐 咪喹莫特 尖锐湿疣 尖锐湿疣 尖锐湿疣 尖锐湿疣