Time for a new thread…and mojo all around!
And how about a little ditty for all us girls
from the hottie pictured below:
“Well, meet me by the river that goes nowhere.
Let me lay my sorry trip on you.
Won’t you meet me by the river, little darling’?
I might just let you see my bad tattoo.
Well I was gonna bring you flowers, but I didn’t.
It’s the thought that counts and I think I’m a bit too broke.
But there’s some change in my ashtray–maybe just enough to pay.
For a half pint of somethin’, probably make us choke.
CHORUS:
Well you know I’d rather not go and meet your family.
They’d probably send me back where I belong.
Don’t want to hear about Mr. Right.
‘Cause he’s out of town tonight.
Baby come and spend some time with Mr. Wrong.
I drive a one-eyed Malibu without a muffler.
And a tape deck that works if you kick it hard enough.
And baby if you like to read, I’ve got some great pornography.
And a ten pound flashlight rolling in the trunk.
Now, do you have a girlfriend and does she look as good as you?
Would she like to meet my brother?
He’ll be out of jail in a month or two.
Where I come from they call me Mr. Wrong.”
-Cracker
Almost forgot, we need something to eat:
2 slices of Wonder Bread
Marshmallow Fluff as required
powdered Tang drink mix as required
Spread a thick layer of Marshmallow Fluff on a slice of Wonder Bread. Sprinkle enough powdered Tang on that slice so as to completely cover all evidence of Fluff. Then spread a layer of Fluff on the other slice of Wonderbread. Press the two slices of bread together and voila: a delicious Tangwich! The perfect accompaniment to this meal would be rehydrated Tang but Redneck Margaritas will always do nicely as well.
And of course, it wouldn’t be happy hour without the cocktails!
Straight from Militarytracy’s secret recipe file (I had to beg her to share it with me)…
1 (6-pack) Pabst Blue Ribbon pounders
1 can frozen limeade
1 lime, sliced in half
Pour beer into a large pitcher. Add still-frozen limeade and stir to combine. (Stirring with a metal utensil can reduce foam.) Allow foam to settle. Squeeze half a lime into pitcher. Finely slice the other lime half and place into pitcher, for garnish. Pour into chilled glasses and serve cold.
So pull your plastic-slipcovered chair up to
the bar and have a few 4s on me…
what happened to the guy on the john?
He went to the Redneck Spa to unwind.
I posted this in the closed cafe after the closed sign went up — but he must have seen it.
BAACCKK!
He really is disgusting (oops, I hope he’s not related to you.)
seen posted on this site, a close, very close second to the abomination susanw committed in the offensive food thread, copied below, for your gracious repugnance:
It didn’t make it through my anti-spam filter.
i would much rather eat a tangwich than that spam loaf thing.
I thought that elitist libruls don’t do NASCAR.
I wish you’d kept those boxes of Liquor, this cafe’s awefully dry.
will this do?
Although I’ve never heard of it before. But its going great with the Fritto Pie.
It is my favoritest beer…
Chimay is tasty stuff indeed.
Do I recall correctly that you’re a St. Louisan? If so, have you perchance sampled Schlafly Beer? I used to work with Tom Schlafly (a really nice guy despite being the nephew of the odious Phyllis), but I left town before he launched his quixotic challenge to Almighty Anheuser-Busch.
No one confuses Tom with crazy aunt Phyllis. Schlafly brews some fine beers and he’s doing quite well. I’m fond of the Schlafly pale ale. And this time of year they have special holiday beers. Schlafly products are served on tap at many bars and you can buy them bottled. Don’t know how easy it is to get them in other markets. Last year he opened a bigger bottling operation in Maplewood that includes a cafe/pub. I love it; its within walking distance from my house (well, its a long walk, but it can be done.)
I’m glad to hear that Tom’s venture turned out so well. He and I were kindred quirky spirits at the old law firm.
And it’s always good to live within walking distance of a friendly pub. 🙂
I think he refers to himself now as a “recovering lawyer”. Where do you live now?
I’m in Denver–I think I’ve always been a westerner at heart, even though I grew up in the midwest. I did enjoy my time in St. Louis, though, even if I wasn’t exactly cut out for big corporate law practice.
We all have to find the place we want to call home.
Well, not really. But I gladly put on a dress with a few other liberal men in college, so we could sit in the front row with irons and knitting needles and nod vigorously and clap while she spoke.
We called ourselves “Ladies Against Women.”
I wish I had a Chimay! That’s some delicious stuff…Belgian, right?
I’ll share some of mine with you. And as I learned in the last cafe — a Belgian is a French redneck.
Mmmm…nice body and that unique yeasty flavor. Yum!
this is a redneck thread and we don’t cotton to yer fancy furriner beers, lady! where’s my PBR?!?
buncha rednecks makin’ left turns.
: p
Please tell me the john’s a prop. Please.
where the pipes run… when I was in N CA I once asked a guy about some auto parts sticking up out of the ground, “Oh, he says, that’s a ’76 Torino”, I say, “What’s it doing underground?” He says, “That’s my septic tank.”
So like I say, “sometimes ya just never know where them thar pipes are runnin'”
Is this some sort of Froggy Bottom pub crawl?
Well, some of us dipped into the Jungle Juice trash can a little too much on the other thread. So we crawled on over here. But nobody brought the trash can over so its a little quiet.
If I knew how to steal a picture of a trash can and post it right here, I would do it in a second. But I am only functionally literate on the computer. This fact is making me a little nervous for my up coming Alito diary for Sunday. I have a graphic in mind, but I lack the know-how to post it with the diary.
Not only do I not know how to post pictures — I’m not even very good at taking pictures.
What do you teach?
Toni, I don’t know if this will help you, but I can offer a little info.
Images posted to threads need to be hosted at an image-server; I use Photobucket because it’s very user-friendly.
Generally I keep the image I want on my desktop, upload the image to my Photobucket account (very easy, you’ll see); the image appears with a tag; I just copy the tag to where I want it in the post, check ‘preview’ before posting. You’ll see that the image needs to be relatively small (300 – 400 pixels); I downsize my camera images with Photoshop.
Hope this can help.
If you send me the pic in an email I can get it on the web for you AND give you the needed link.
Speaking of Alito diaries… Alice has one up on the recent list.
Hi – (Sorry, this doesn’t involve NASCAR)
I haven’t been reading everything on the site lately, but I was wondering how I missed “Operation Yellow Elephant”. (Oddly, – and somewhat shamefully – I found a link to that site when I was searching for the winner of this year’s Apprentice show.)
Anyway – this was new to me:
http://operationyellowelephant.blogspot.com
(And if I’m inadvertently duplicating, I extend my apologies in advance)
“Operation Yellow Elephant” I highly recommend. One of the folks behind it is Jesus’ General (aka Patriotboy). I played one of OYE’s fake PSAs on my radio show this fall. Just doing my part to subvert red state America. 🙂
FRITO PIE
(many variants abound)
1 bag Fritos brand corn chips
1 can Wolf Brand Chile (NOTE: NO arguments here — it’s not a real Frito Pie without the Texas Wolf Brand chili: http://www.wolfbrandchili.com/)
Condiments: not really necessary. If desired, see end of recipe
Recipe:
Non-purists may add Cheez-Wiz or shredded Velveeta on top of the chili if desired.
mmm. I love Fritto Pie. But be careful — Katiebird discovered that she was afraid of Frittos tonight. And you have to have an ice cold beer with it.
Oh, absolutely. Ice cold long necks are required, I’m sorry I neglected that part.
But I’m really from Minnesota, living now in Fairfax, Virgina (NOT the South, btw: just ‘occupied territory’) so this really is hearsay from me, and not from any inherited traditions: just recorded experiences from friends and relatives.
It’s actually better AFTER you’ve had a few cold beers. Kind of like White Castles. (Do they have White Castles in Virginia?)
No White Castles in occupied territory. This is pretty much a Yankee thing, since the whole chain was founded in Wichita, Kansas in 1921.
History and current locations listed in http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/White_Castle_(restaurant)
Although MidWest expats and stoners and ex-stoners insist on importing them to all areas of the USA (and world) to where they wish to migrate.
People overcome by ‘the munchies’ late at night in other areas of the country will no doubt have other favorites…
Wanna share?
I’d crawl across the Detroit River on ice to get some Wolf Chili. The stuff they sell up here is horrible – one can I found actually has sugar as an ingredient.
Blue can of steel
what promise do you hold?
salt flesh so ripe
Can of metal, slick
soft center, so cool, moistening
I yearn for your salt
Twist, pull the sharp lid
Jerks and cuts me deeply but
Spam, aaah, my poultice.
silent, former pig
one communal awareness
myriad pink bricks
you wait to feed me
stoic vigil on the shelf
ah my vibrant pink
jelly for mortar
seven hundred tins and more
i build a Spam house
my friend pork shoulder
I return to you. this time
i’ve brought mayonnaise
above all others
porcine treat without equal
there is but one Spam
clad in metal, proud
no mere salt-curing for you
you are not bacon
and who dares mock Spam?
you? you? you are not worthy
of one rich pink fleck
These are the winners from a recent Spamarama in Austin:
SPAM® Cook-off
Open Division – Taste
Open Division – Showmanship
Professional Division – Taste
1. Spooning Across SPAMmerica – Recipes included Napa Valley Stuffef Grape Leaves with various dipping sauces (stuffed with SPAMrizo Veggies & pine nuts); Key West Scallops and Oysters with SPAMrizo and Poke Salad Greens; Hilton Head SPAM Boats; Walters Bay Tea Smoked SPAMceta and
Veal Roulade with SPAMrizo, fruit and peppers.
The winner (?) of the Worst Taste Award
Kevin Rollins
Camel Toast & SPAMthrax,
Double Hump SPAMel Dump.
It looks like I will have to retire at this time, and smoke some illicitly obtained Cuban cigars.
But maryb and TT’ll have to get the possum out first:
Damn rednecks, din’t leave nuthin’
Peace
possum stew! Where are Militarytracy and Damnit Janet?
A friend of mine from Australia came to visit me in Missouri one time and we took a drive into the country. When she saw that we actually had a town named possum holler — she died. Yes. I may live in a city but I’m surrounded by rednecks.
I’ll have you know that I went to high school half way between Possum Trot and Monkey’s Eyebrow Kentucky. And I am not making that up! Ask Devil’s Tower, if he ever posts here again – he’s from western KY and he can vouch for those places.
You will not believe this but I’ve been to Monkey’s Eyebrow. My grandma on my mother’s side was from Wickliffe.
When I read you were living around St. Louis I thought someone might know. My parents grew up in SE Missouri (me too in part), and I know St. Louis as my first “big town”.
My Grandma moved away from Wickliffe to St. Louis as soon as she could arrange it but after she married she sent her kids to spend the summers with their grandparents. So my mom spent most of her summers in Wickliffe. My grandma died two years ago at the age of 96. Her only sister is still alive (although very aged) She lives in Charleston MO So when we go down to visit her we drive across the bridge to go to the cemetery in Wickliffe. So I know Monkey’s Eyebrow, Oscar, Fancy Farm. As I recall there was a place that had great fried catfish in Monkey’s Eyebrow? I haven’t been in a few years.
Oh, those places are very familiar. I grew up mostly in Sikeston and Kennett, then moved to Ky for high school (my mom still lives in Lone Oak). We would go up to St. Louis to see the Cardinals play, and to visit my aunts who lived there. We would love to live in or near St. Louis, but that’s not likely given my work.
All of the Ky places you mentioned are familiar. The annual Fancy Farm political picnic is still a big deal, have been trying to get Howard Dean to attend this coming August.And yes, there was a great catfish place near Monkey’s Eyebrow, I don’t know if it is still there or not. This is making me so hungry for catfish (how I could be hungry at this hour, after all of these lovely recipes, is another issue). If we do make it to KY for Christmas, I may have to check it out. Catfish up here is, well, just pretty sad.
My sister used to live in a trailer that became infested by possums. I think that must have earned her a place in the Redneck Hall of Fame.
oh my gawd! especially live. “camel walk” is one of the best. songs. ever.
They were just in town about 2 weeks ago, and I missed them, although I’ve seen them a bunch before. They are totally awesome!
little debbie, little debbie!
OMG!! Are you guys trying to kill me by hyperventilation or something?? Tee-hee!! HAHAHA!
First off, that guy on the john should be drinking a budweiser and not talking on the phone. 😉 Guys don’t do the phone thing, don’t cha know?
And spam haiku?? HAHAHA! I used to babysit for some kids whose mom would leave a kraft mac and cheese and spam ‘casserole’ in the fridge for me to heat up for them and me for dinner. GACK!!! How gross!!
And don’t get me started about Nascar around here, thank you very much… 😉
Tee-hee… I can’t stop laughing. 🙂
So how was the first week on the new job?
Sweetie, you’re the best!
And thanks for asking. The job is great, the people are wonderful… It’s very good. It’s too far away (the commute is 45 – 60 min., yuck), but it’s a good place for me to be in right now. Very good folks there.
Where do you live, out of curiosity? If I may be so bold… 🙂
Why, I’m just hanging out here in the SE corner of Pennsyltucky…
According to the BMT map. Sorry, CG, I wasn’t spying on you. Leave that to the NSA.
Is that at all near Lancaster, Allentown or Indiana, PA? I actually have some cats waiting for me to go get them in Lancaster, cuz they need a new home. And my friend’s son is in Allentown, so I have a ride there once a month or so. I’ve got to get this kittie thing figured out… And I have a friend in Indiana… PA seems to be calling me lately it seems.
I’m thinking all of the above is a bit north of you. I could check a map or something, but, well… tee-hee, I’m a bit lazy now. 🙂
I’m about 45 minutes to an hour from LAncaster and Allentown. Let me know if you’re coming to town.
I will definitely do that!!! I’m thinking it may happen in Feb. or so. Gosh, very good to know! Thanks sweetie! 🙂
that just across the state line is “Kentucksylvania”?
Ah, but surely you’ve heard the potty guy’s favorite old-time country tune:
‘Put your sweet lips a little closer to the phone.
Let’s pretend that we’re together, all alone. ..’
— Jim Reeves, ‘He’ll Have To Go’
Hi everyone and Cabin Girl, how are you all doing.
Is everyone ready for the holidays, I’m not…
I have been knee deep in moving and painting and all kinds of sundry things this week and I am exhausted.
Just lit my tiny tree and going to curl up and watch a little tv.
Best wishes to all.
Hi Diane! You’re ahead of me if your tree is already up…hope the move is going smoothly.
Hi CG, I miss you guys, tree is a little minature tree that is up all year in my house, about 3′ tall (no place to store it), did I ever tell you I have my room decorated in red and Green christmas fabric, I just love the colors so much I wanted it all year.
Move is going ok, lots of work, more than I expected to be doing myself…but I have it nearly all painted, bedroom is only thing left…it’s small and will not take too long…then ready for new lineoleum, and carpet, still have no electriticy on site, hoping for that soon but it’s a hassle, hoping it will all come together by the 30th when I want to be out of here to start the new year there.
Doing all that at this time of year would make me absolutely nuts (as if I weren’t already?). Good luck getting the electricity in time.
Hi Diane!!
So smiley to see you here. 🙂 Holidays? No, not ready by a long shot, unfortunately, but will make due. Go curl up and snuggle up and take care! Enjoy!
Nice to see you too sherm, errrr… well read you that is,
I put my lit tree outside my window so I can glance over and see it.
We were planning a Xmas dinner on Friday with daughter cooking, but she is pregnant with very bad morning sickness, all day, and she can barely stand the smell of food these days…we went to a sandwich store today and she had to wait outside.
I am gonna be a grandma again in Aug.
read any of the recipes in this thread or the redneck one!
😀
I won’t and she doesn’t have a computer that can get on the internet, although she is getting one right after Xmas…she needs to get on a morning sickness and pregnancy site, I keep telling her and yes there are some, of course.
How ya doing Duct…
It’s so good to have you here, Diane. Ignore the guy on the back porch.
Hope your daughter makes it through the foodfest of the holidays – and that you do too, with the move and all the attendant difficulties.
I have so broken my own rule: never post while drinking. Once the whiskey talk began, suddenly a glass was in my hand. And whiskey needs chasing.
You are all such a bad influence!
but that’s why you like us, right? 🙂
Don’t even say that! Last time I think we had the Meister I ended up naked in a canoe.
you say that like it’s a bad thing…
; )
Omigod, what did I say? I didn’t tell the canoe story, did I?
Can I get a ride home in your pickup?
i’m so happy i met the crazy bootribbers i did at the rally and came on over to the pond! you guys are great.
i am not a happy camper today and you all are really cheering me up. or at least keeping me distracted.
thanks!
</sap>
I’m so happy you came and met us all at the march too!
</sappier>
meeting your boys! bringin’ ’em up right!
I’ve been organizing my iTunes tonight and I just got to the Disney Songs. Daveeeeeey, Davy Crocket.
I used to love that one.
me too. But did Davy Crocket have the coonskin cap or was that Daniel Boone?
The coonskin cap was on the top of ol’ Dan, I believe.
No, it was Davy Crockett, er, Fess Parker, actually.
Checkout badfads.com (sorry, again my computer has been mainlining molasses, I can’t get the html thingy to work to put in a link). Many funny things, including coonskin caps.
I think it was both. IMS.
Peace
Played as accurately as Mel Gibson portrayed the failed revolt of Scottish programmers.
Daniel Boone was a man,
Yes, a big man!
With an eye like an eagle
And as tall as a mountain was he!
Daniel Boone was a man,
Yes, a big man!
He was brave, he was fearless
And as tough as a mighty oak tree!
From the coonskin cap on the top of ol’ Dan
To the heel of his rawhide shoe;
The rippin’est, roarin’est, fightin’est man
The frontier ever knew!
Daniel Boone was a man,
Yes, a big man!
And he fought for America
To make all Americans free!
What a Boone, what a do-er,
What a dream come-er true-er was he!
Glad to clear that up
when we were kids we used to sing, “…Born on a mountain top in Tennessee… killed in a bar when he was only three…” (instead of killed him a bear [pronounced: bar] when he was only three)
But he could up and do it
and prove there’s nothin to it
And that’s how a good dog should be
Since I’m going to bed — I’ll tell you. Old Yeller.