The Whitehouse disclosed today there are no conclusive photos depicting President Bush and religious leader Jack Abramoff together, and if there were any such photos they definitely do not include any male prostitutes, and if they do include any known prostitutes, then congress approved this activity in a previously undisclosed secret sub-section of the Patriot Act.

The Homeland Security Terrorist Threat Level was changed to little pink triangles with a smattering of yellow stars.

“Why do democrats continue to hate America and want to see it attacked by terrorists?” an anonymous source was quoted as saying. “The administration believes once the facts in this case come out we will be able to comment further on this ongoing mis-direction, um, investigation.”