A few days ago I took an online quiz that was a way to detemine whether I am a left brain dominated or right brain dominated person. According to the quiz I’m right brain dominated which means, among other things, that my thoughts can be abstract and difficult for me to express. That part is certainly true of me. I’ve always struggled to convey in spoken or written words, exactly how I see, feel, and interpret things. As something of an artist I wish I could paint a picture for you and show you with colors and shapes and patterns how I see things and most importantly how I see each of you. I would start with purple because that’s my favorite color and within purple are many other colors that have to come together to make purple possible. I wish I could body paint the world’s people in purple as my simplistic way of reminding us all that we are all the same.
It’s now believed in scientific terms that we all originate from one African woman. Others believe in a single creator who gave us all life. I accept that many, even a majority of us believe that, even if I can’t. The thought, or fact as I see it that we are all children of one black African Mother is comforting and satisfying to me. It’s also ironic in the extreme to me in light of the way we treat each other so often based on our notions of a person’s worthiness relating to what color they are, who they choose to love, whether they are woman or man, or what ethnic culture they represent. As supposedly advanced life forms we have come to a level of understanding of ourselves that many, but I don’t believe all, other species haven’t. Of these understandings I think that three stand out. Mortality, jealosy, and the ability to love. The ability to hate ranks right up there too but I choose to believe, or hope at least that that emotion is a product of our more primitive brains.
Here in our Pond I’ve found a certain level of understanding and kinship with all of you that I haven’t been able to find in the outside world. I would like to think that we here represent the finer qualities and higher aspirations of our species. And still there are times when through ignorance, arrogance, jealosy, or laziness, we hurt each other. I think that those hurts are more accutely felt here because if you are like me you have come to expect better things from this gathering of souls. We want and need to believe that we are further along the road to harmony than the rest of the world. Afterall, we’re liberals. We’re inclusive and tolerant. We like to think that we have an evolved understanding of each other. And then something happens that challenges and jars our belief in those ideals.
Last night I found out why two of the people I respect the most are no longer here. If I had been really paying attention it wouldn’t have come as such a surprise. But I wasn’t. I was lazy and falling back on my more primitive self. I feel that some of my comments in the last couple of weeks have been a part of the reasons why those people left. Even in the face of my own discomfort with the recent hurtful issues I chose to remain lazy and primitive. I chose to ignore the better part of me that was telling me that I was wrong.
Others chose to remain here after obviously struggling with the hurt that they felt and whether or not they could honestly remain a part of this community. Still others are struggling to reach out and help us all to better understand just how hurtfull these events have been to them. And sadly there are still those among us who for whatever reasons can’t or won’t face the core problem. That is distressing to me because I have come to respect and yes love each of you in different ways in the same way I respect and marvel at your diversity and beauty. I wish that our common love of one another would be enough to keep us together but I’m not that naive. Unconditional love is a quality that our species has not advanced far enough to fully embrace. There are still so many things that cause us to feel seperate, different, and superior to others. I fully include myself in these feelings of bias. I could write a list of reasons and excuses for why those traces of my rascist upbringing and immersion in my rascist culture have caused me to reveal myself from time to time but that would be lazy and irresponsible and dishonest.
Clearly I have a long way to go. But I’m hopeful that at least I’m on the right path as I believe all of you are. And I welcome and expect that I will need to be clobbered from time to time with the baseball bat of truth by those still willing to pick it up and swing it even when the umpire is saying you are out at home plate. Please keep swinging.
The internet, and our community here is a strange and wonderful thing. A year ago I wouldn’t have thought it possible that the people I hold in the highest regard, my closest friends, would be found here. It wasn’t the real world to me. I dismissed it all as fanciful and a little voyueristic. And then I had the opportunity to step out from in front of the moniter and meet some of you in person. By that time I had come to think that I knew those people pretty well. As it turns out, I had a pretty good idea but found that my expectations were far exceeded when I finally did meet those people. What an amazing thing to shake a hand or hug a person that until then had been somewhat unreal for lack of a better word. My initial love for those people blossomed and exploded into something I had thought not possible. Those friendships are lifetime friendships now. When I think of people I love, those of you whom I’ve met are among those in my life that I love most. Then there is the anticipation of meeting more of you that I feel love for and how those people will become a permanent part of who I am. Then there are those of you who I will never meet face to face and yet through this last almost year now have come to love nonetheless.
There is another aspect of internet relations that helps us, I think, to set aside preconcieved notions of others as colors, genders, cultures, and free lovers. It is the anonymity we have because we can’t see each other even though images are definetily formed within our imaginations. One of the women I respect most here expressed her feelings about this recent mess. She was among those wonderful and beautiful women who responded to my first diary here asking for advice as a Father raising two daughters. She taught me a very important and uncomfortable lesson last night as she retold her story of her experience as a non white child facing a brutal attack on her sensibilities and beliefs that we are the same and there for each other. It never occured to me that she wasn’t white. I wish I could say that the anonymity of the internet negated all preconcieved notions that I’ve obviously been harboring within me but I can’t say that and be honest with her, you, and myself. This lesson is causing me to feel shame. I had hoped for better from myself but it’s brutally clear that I have a long, long way to go. To her I want to say that I’m so sorry for subconsiously labeling you as white. I’m hoping she stays. I’m hoping all who’ve been hurt will stay and I’m hoping that those who’ve left find a way back. They are so terribly missed and intergal to this community.
I choose to remain hopeful that our human ability to love will help us to remain commited to one another even when our own actions hurt the ones we love and respect most. I’m hopeful that those of us who still don’t understand how and why these things have been hurtful will not shut down and retreat in self defense. The highest quality that humans possess is the ability to ponder and reflect on complex ideas and at least validate each other. I hope. We are all the children of that one Black African Mother. We need to rise to meet our potential.
This song has been in my head all morning but since I’m on my son’s Mac right now and I don’t know how to copy and paste with it, I’ll just write it out. It’s a verse from Art Garfunkels beautiful song All I Know. This is how I feel about all of you. All of you. With special thanks to a certain treasured, and somewhat fossilized friendly terrorist :o)
“I bruise you, you bruise me
We both bruise too easily
Too easily to let it show
I love you and that’s all I know”
wonderful sentiments, super.
Thanks Booman.
They’re not so much sentiments, as hopes for something better and higher.
Just beautiful Super.
I think one of the hardest things for all of us as humans to face is our fallibility. One of the pieces of literature that “rocked my world” years ago was the play by Arthur Miller, “After the Fall.” Here’s the quote from the play that got me going:
“To go to someone with the lie of limitless love is to cast a shadow in the face of God.”
I am not one that believes in a transcendent God either, but we do have to learn to accept our limits, figure out how to repair the damage and go on. That’s what life is all about to me. And you’ve demonstrated this perfectly in your words here – so thanks.
Wonderfully said, supersoling. Thank you for addressing some very clear truths regarding this particular point in our collective journey as a community, a people, a species.
As I’ve said in another post, I seem to have missed the conflicts that have apparently driven some of our finest community members from the pond. Not through conscious avoidance of engagement, but only because I travel a relatively small ‘wavelength’ here, for various reasons, & there’s much I simply don’t see.
When community members suddenly ‘vanish’, however, the detriment to the community as a whole becomes as apparent with each one.
(I say this as a Pie Wars veteran, as well.)
Regardless of the formation & directions of our discourse, what you point out here so eloquently in terms of the strengths of community, as opposed to its weaknesses, with regard to the world we wish to inhabit, is worth expressing again & again.
Once more: thanks.
Super you constantly amaze me. Thank you for writing this.
Thank you Mary
I’m seeing you in a completely new light too.
I went to see “The Lion King” on stage last night. And I’m reminded of the touching song of Pumba: “I’m a sensitive soul, though I seem thick skinned.”
You are a sensitive sould super. Too bad we all weren’t that. I think the world would be a far better place.
Whoa and wow! This takes top spot for me, as the best diary I have ever read. It’s like you are showing us the inside of your heart, and it is so beautiful, Sup, so very beautiful.
For me, it’s like when I as born white, I was issued a pair of white glasses. Everyone else had white glasses too, so we all the world the same way. When I met others who wore different colored glasses, I did not realize for a long time, that the view they saw, through thier glasses, was often much different than what I saw through mine. And just as real as mine.
The lenses we each see through are so unique, made up of all we’ve experienced and learned along the way. When we can get to the point when we realise that what we can see through our own lens is only one view, we’re on our way. We can stop fighting over whose view is the "right one" and we can say to each other, "Tell me how this looks through your glasses, please."
You are so there, Super.
Thank you for writing from your heart.
Hopefully one day we’ll all come to see that we can and should trade in our limited glasses for ones that are better at seeing the rainbow that we all truly are.
Stunningly eloquent my dearest Michael. I expect nothing less from you and you so often bring forth so much more than I would have imagined.
I am so honored to count you as my brother, my son, my partner, my friend, one intricately intwined in my heart and soul.
Apparently I missed the most recent words that brought about your response, but I have seen their relatives a few times before here, so I fully understand.
You are another of the Bridge People that Scribe so beautifully speaks of.
I am listening with a full heart.
You know how feel about you dear Shirlstars.
Super as I said last night, you are a role model. Your words always brings joy, laughter, and tears to me. You have said so well what I have thought.
Thank you my friend.
Bravo to you for your emotional and intellectual honesty. Both are quite inspiring.
On this:
In the case of those two people, I can absolutely assure you that it wasn’t anything you said.
Thank you Andi.
I think I could have expressed those feelings of guilt better. I feel responsible for the remarks I did make because they absolutely were counter to who I am and how I should be responsible as much as anyone here when we hurt one another inadvertantly or not. I felt that in the least my comments added to the hurt.
Perhaps. But as one who grew up with a quintessential Jewish mother, I’m well aware that feeling a generalized guilt isn’t necessarily a positive thing. The number of ways we might hurt someone else are almost limitless but don’t necessarily ever happen. It’s good to know where we haven’t done harm as it frees us to focus on where we have.
than a fossilized friendly terrorist that somebody has gone and gotten all sentimental. You see, once they are sufficiently fossilized, they no longer have anything to prove to anybody about how fearsome and tough they are, because they are, well, fossilized.
But they are also too damn mule headed to just stop typing and wait it out so thanks to you, everybody is now in danger of seeing even more typos on their screen than usual.
If your fortunate daughters grow up to be even half as noble and good and wise as their father, and like him, take up the habit of inciting love and potential-reaching, wherever on this earth they find themselves is going to find itself at risk of some serious evolution.
Of course I admire and am very proud of all my honorary great grandsons, but you are especially special.
Somewhere, the spirit of an eternally young African Mother smiles down at you, sprinkles something from her pocket onto your head, and rolls her eyes, chuckling softly: “Where does he think I came from?”
Did I say fossilized? Surely I meant to say grizzled ;o)
Then again, if you are old enough to be my great grandfather then maybe I was right the first time. Either way I’m pleased that you remain non-viable for study by students of archeology ;o)
Very, very nice to see this side of you, Michael. It’s something I could have written myself if I had your gift for words, because my feelings about this place are similar to yours. The only thing I think it’s important to remember is that we are not special here. We’re just all regular people who have taken the time and the opportunity to get to know one another as best we can in this medium. Which, for all of it’s limitations, is really a wonderful way to cut through all of the physical biases that influence us, however subconsciously, in the physical world.
For myself, I wonder why I can connect with people this way when I have such a hard time doing it in RL. There is a certain safety in anonymity and the knowledge that you can easily back away if things get uncomfortable or too close.
I didn’t really get involved with the issue you are speaking about that caused some members to get pissed and leave. It’s not that I don’t have an opinion about it…it’s that I recognized that with my limitations and my lack of exposure to certain cultures and simply by being born white, I ran the very real risk of hurting someone’s feelings unintentionally or of putting my foot in my mouth. We are constantly learning. When we know better, we do better. After reading through most of the comments and ensuing diaries and discussions I definitely know better. Now I can get about the business of doing better.
An online acquaintance of mine recently did some blogging about his Buddhist path that I read with great interest even though I do not share that path. The main point of his writing was the essential combination of compassion and wisdom; the idea that wisdom without compassion is too cold to be genuinely helpful when there is trouble, and that compassion without wisdom, while it cares deeply, will be equally as unhelpful due to the lack of knowledge regarding how to do something that is actually helpful.
Both supersoling’s touching diary and your comment bring this intersection to my mind. So frequently people seem to think that we understand one another, especially when we are in conflict, when really we are not having the same conversation. It seems to require both wisdom and compassion to bridge these kinds of gaps; the compassion to care enough to do the work to understand what another is trying to communicate, and the wisdom to understand that you don’t really understand it yet! 🙂
I think we are special here. Otherwise we wouldn’t care so much when people are hurt and disillusioned.
And I’m not sure how many of us could easily back away because it’s easier. We might think it’s easier but I think there’s plenty of evidence to the contrary :o)
I know that it’s a little unrealistic for me to hope that some people will come back. Of course they have very valid reasons for their choices and outside in the other world, people come and go in and out of our lives all the time. Maybe that’s what makes these communities and this one in particular so special. To me there is something magical about it that causes me to strive to attain higher ideals and deeper connections that are harder for me, like you, to make on the outside.
This is one of the best diaries I’ve ever read.
Thank you for saying something that so desperately needed to be said, and so beautifully, super.
Thank you CabinGirl,
If this place wasn’t so special I doubt that I’d have much to say worth listening to. In other words, my feelings and thoughts about all of you are the result of the beauty within all of you that reaches out and touches and influences me and us all as a group. As a community, and as something of a family of like minded people. Our bonds here help us to strive to be better.
Everything, in answer to that question. I haven’t been around much lately so I know not of what you speak that has caused hurt. You have chosen, so eloquently though Michael to speak from your heart and soul. What a beautiful diary. I so look forward to that hug next month. Until then….much love to you my friend.
i have no clue what he’s on about regarding tension in the pond. somehow, i miss all the drama. i suppose that’s a good thing.
: p
* hugs the supersoling *
Very nice, Super. I’ve known all along that the main content of your character was love.
It shows dear, even in anonymous digital expression.
Super to me love has a lot to do with it. Once we all find our sense of it we have reaech beyond our own being and then we can give as well as recieve it. The grace you have shown us here is remarkable. I have learnd not to ask where did I come from, I only know I am here. As always, I am very honored to be among each of you. It does not matter what color or shape of your body it is, I just accept you for who I think you are. I only ask that if I have ever hurt anyone, your forgiveness is what I seek. Hugs to each of you and my wish for a wonderful future for us all here.
super, I don’t know what to say, so I will just say that you inspire me. This picture of you (courtesy of militarytracy) is one of my favorite photos ever.
Now there’s a guy I can’t wait to meet.
Super, you are a beautiful human being. So are so many of my friends and acquaintances here in the frog pond.
But sometimes life reminds you that we still have a long ways to go before we reach what I, for lack of a better term, call the Olympic ideal. The notion that we are all one, even though we are all different and unique. That we all have something to learn from each other and from ourselves. That we must constantly strive to be better. Better human beings.
And that’s what I felt was missing from this whole incident. Some of us weren’t viewing it from a free speech perspective, but from a human being perspective. That actions, no matter what their greater context, can have profound implications in the lives of ordinary people. And that it isn’t wrong to be mindful and respectful of others cultures and beliefs. That sometimes speech isn’t truly ‘free’ if it causes someone else pain, emotional or physical, directly or indirectly. It hurt that people we respected and called our friends would not only not think things through, but continue to taunt those who saw things differently. It is a tough pill to swallow.
Where things go from here, who knows. I am still looking forward to the meet up… when is that happening?
Spiderleaf….it’s comments like yours that touch me most. I’ll only say that I agree wholeheartedly with your opinion here.
Meetup? I’m not sure. I think Boran2 was working on that last so maybe if he sees this he’ll consider writing another east coast meetup diary.
Peace
I will do another diary. Unfortunately the last one didn’t get much interest and I assumed this to be a dead issue.
With the chance to meet Spiderleaf on the table it’s far from a dead issue with me ;o)
Reminds me of a song……nevermind ;o)
Boran, I think the Full Moon place (I emailed you the link before) already has interest from quite a few folks, if you’d like to include it in your next diary. And I know a lot people have been looking for your next diary on it. 🙂
Now you know how I felt when you gave us all your gift of the ball of twine. That extended hand and your thoughts there are for me the finest call for unity that I’ve ever heard still.
Thank you friend
Don’t think that people have left the pond soley due to your comments. If anything, they were probably going to leave anyway, so don’t worry about it. (It’s their problem, not yours, so don’t make it yours.)
BTW, this is a great diary as you have captured many/most of my feelings re: the net and the pond and the online friends that are made.
Recommended!
This is truly an eloquent and passionate expression…from the heart of a true and gentle soul, with the spirit of a warrior.
It is an honor to know you and consider you a friend.
Peace and Blessings to you and yours.
Peace
It’s an honor to know you as well dada.
I was touched by your comment in SallyCat’s diary about her little sister. It reminded me of my own brothers and how we always stuck together. That’s no longer true of us.
Peace
I logged on, read the title of your diary, and my jaw dropped – those words have been playing through my head all day.
Now the tune was Tina Turner’s and the words that followed in my head were: “Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken?”
And then I read your diary – oh my. What valuable insights and heartfelt sentiments. You have captured so much. What a wonderful teacher you are.
Thank you so very much for taking the time to express yourself in words. 🙂
Most of the time I hate taking the time to express myself because I find it challenging and difficult. My first diary yesterday was lost when my computer crashed right as I was finishing up. That was completely frustrating to me because I really dislike writing and didn’t want to have to redo the whole thing. I’m glad now that I did :o)
Thank you Tampopo.
I consider you as one of those within my closest circle.
Spot on, supersoling, we need you and we needed this diary. You said what I wanted to say about the pond. I do believe that we have a home here, and that we are a family. One wonderful thing about this family is that we are self-selected, and can stay or leave if we choose. This is also the source of some difficulty, for when someone chooses to leave, we who stay can feel hurt. When the pie-wars happened at the other place, I did not feel sad about leaving, as I felt no deep attachments there. But here, for me, the pond evokes deeper feelings. I join your comments asking for the return of some of who have felt misunderstood and undervalued.
All of us are beautiful, but we are all ugly sometimes. The true test of love is forgiveness. We must strive to forgive one another, even when it hurts, if forgiveness is sought. Even sometimes when forgiveness is not sought, or not sought to our specifications, we may choose to forgive, and stay and educate and inform one another. When we rub against one another’s rough edges, we must remember that the lovely and smooth cobble stone on the beach started high in the mountains as a rough, jagged boulder (yes, I remember ip – Tumbling Waters). We are, at our best and worst, the breaking and polishing of one another.
Three cheers for supersoling :O) :O) :O)
and
three cheers for the pond :O) :O) :O)
That gave me chills. Just beautiful.
Well now, I have been gone for awhile- due not to strife here -but elswhere.
This probably the most moving,heartfelt, diary I have ever read,anywhere.And I read a lot.
Michael,you are a treasure.
The highest quality that humans possess is the ability to ponder and reflect on complex ideas and at least validate each other.
Thanks for this, it is a gift to me as I continue to work through my emotions.
Paz y amistad
Muchness. That’s the word (real or not) that comes to my mind when reading this, supersoling. It’s actually a word that’s been on my mind for the past couple of days… the muchness we each have and what we do with it.
You’ve done wonderful things with yours… I think in pictures and senses as well and they’ve run the gamut, reading this. From cloudy, storming skies and purple life-giving rain, to fields of wildflowers where each time you look another beautiful, unique and unexpected one is popping up, to snuggling into piles and piles of fluffy towels, just off the line – warmed by the sun and smelling of fresh breezes and comfort. Total muchness ;).
Thanks for a wonderful diary, and if that is me mentioned somewhere in there… there is nothing to be sorry for :).
I should tell you that I read In Juana’s Embrace several weeks ago and thought it was wonderful. It really brought a smile to my face and warm memories of my own Juana to mind. I should have left a comment but didn’t. See, we all sometimes take each other for granted.
Thank you! 🙂 And I’m happy it brought back good memories for you too.
Sometimes it seems like it would be so much easier being a kid again… but then one remembers the teen years and so… maybe not ;).
It is you I was mentioning Nanette.
I’ve thought about this all day yesterday and this morning. Not being able to see each other is a good thing and I think helps us, at least me, to get beyond the preconceptions, if there are any. In my case there still are and although I’ve never seen you I still feel as though I could have looked closer to realize more about who you are and where you’ve been. Maybe I’m trying too hard to analyze you, and others in general. Being too hard on myself and having unrealistic expectations. It’s good to know though that you are comfortable with me and so now I can put that part of me at ease.
Thank you
Definitely you are being too hard on yourself 🙂
You have a good heart, and that was evident even before this diary… in your daily interactions with people on here, always there to offer a word of comfort or praise or solidarity.
There was never any question of feeling comfortable with you… I don’t mind if people think I am black, white or green with pink polka dots. We all bring our experiences and memories and lives lived, and one of the great things about the internet in general is the ability to share those and learn things one may never have thought of before. My favorite thing to do.
Thanks for worrying, though 😉
We never stop the loving.
We stop liking and respecting and then we stop listening. Then we walk away.
I’ve seen names that have long since gone from this site elsewhere. Voices of love and and caring and knowledge that we have heard and shared – and drove away…for whatever reason.
We stay until the pain is too great then we walk away to lick our wounds and make peace with our souls. Peace with the lost friends and companions on this path we call life. Sometimes that path is alone.
May each walk their path with peace and blessings – whatever that path may be…
Yes, and may the path back remain open for those who might choose to return. And if not, then all good wishes and thoughts of kinship and love go out to them in their travels.
Thanks for writing and sharing that Super. More beautiful words from the wonderous fellow we know and love.
Hugs and love to you.
Along with the circumstances that gave rise to this beautiful diary, I’ve missed seeing your alleged inability to express yourself. Guyhugs to you.
Thank you Super for expressing what so many of us feel about this little pond. Your words have help to lift my slightly wounded (not by anything that happened here) soul today.
May your wounds heal quickly. Here, have a hug (((( )))) or four.
I hope your wounded soul finds some healing soon.
Thank you
Supersoling I haven’t the foggiest idea who left or why you feel guilty about it. But this seems therapeutic to you so you get a recommend. 🙂
Thank you all for the many kind words. I wish I were as patient as Boston Joe and could take the time to reply to each of you. That’s just another in the list of things about him that I aspire to :o)
I hope that this helped in some small way to get us, or help us move toward a resolution that is comfortable, or at least workable to all of us.
Man. Once I get to blubbering away, it’s hard to stop ;o)
And for those who sought to reassure me that they don’t hold me responsible in any way, thank you. I think what I was hoping to convey was more of a sense that as a member of any community we are all responsible for the health and emotional well being of the community and that if there was anything that I said that went counter to the spirit of this place, then for that I’m sorry. Communities, villages and even families don’t survive for long if simmering hurts aren’t faced and healed.
Peace
has bestowed the brightest of light upon your heart, and the path you travel.
The skies around you will be clear, even when the clouds abound.
Your heart lets the light witin shine, to show the way for others.
It is an honor to see that light.
Wado friend…
It is an honor to know you at all and then there are those times, like now, that I feel especially honored that you’ve stopped and spoken to me.
Peace to you my friend
1. Be Impeccable With Your Word
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
2. Don’t Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you wonít be the victim of needless suffering.
3. Don’t Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
4. Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.
Book Link
Super You’ve accomplished #1
#2 is the difficult one- We have no control on how others think and speak or even where they might be coming from-background, life experiences etc., – This lesson is the one I continue to fall short on, but I’m constantly working on it.
#3-This one is tough too- sometimes we assume people do or did something for one reason and it’s a completely different unknown reason- I have no idea about the situations or boo-members you are talking about here- but my guess is anyone has left it is probably for personal reasons- I know there are days I come here or to dkos etc., and my head just turns to muck (probably because of more outrageous info) and I just have to turn the computer off. Information overload- too much mental stimulation (or HAARPing :-))- who knows about why others leave, or come and go.
and #4-You seem to always do your best, or to me, you’re spirit is striving that, whether you think you are or not.
Peace and love brother.
I have taken many a difficult situation and cracked that book. Especially when tending to my sons health care!
at times and I miss some the people who haven’t posted here in awhile MUCHO! I remember reading some of the things going up and things were getting mixed and mashed and squashed. We have each other in certain special ways here at the pond but we hit an area of growth there when we needed the physical presence of each other. We needed to see and feel the humanity of each other. It came at a time when energy was falling as quickly as W’s approval rating. The Pond troops were maxed out. I don’t think it is an accident that many of us are going to be attending meetups with each other in the following months. We all need a hug and some gentle touch. It was a rough last year and this year didn’t start out so hot either politically in the United States of America.
of several cruel words and phrases in my past — the legacy of being a lifelong fat chick — that I’ve built up a pretty thick skin. But in that thick skin, I forget how words and phrases can hurt others…and pictures too; when my SI swimsuit issue arrived, I immediately passed it on to the guys in the apartment front office. 😉
In my quest for openness and freedom, for the fresh air and light to hit the bullshit and expose it for what it truly is, I must remember that it may be bullshit but that doesn’t make it less hurtful to those who are targeted…
Thanks for sharing this…I’d best get plenty of sleep before next month’s meetup because I foresee a lot of late night discussions that go into the wee hours of the morning…
I took an online psyche test that said I was the character “Wolfe” from Pulp Fiction. 🙂 I won’t get into all the various “Which sex position are you more like” “test”.. 🙂
But I don’t need no steeenking test to tell me how happy I am to be here with all you froggy folk.
No idea what has been going on. Just wanted to clock in and say that I love the connections and community I’ve found here. Good things take hard work.
Love!
As my favorite huggy person next to my children I have to say that it’s people like you DJ that do the most for the cause of spreading love.
When you hug me, then I hug my daughters, and they hug their brother, and he hugs his girlfiend, and she hugs her Mother….then…and then…..
that hug you gave to me is the start of a chain reaction of love spread exponentially around the world :o)
Hmmmm… two images just ran through my mind.
It’s kinda like that old Shampoo “and they told two friends and so on and so on….”
and
a virus – ZOINKS!! 🙂
Super just said I was like a cootieeeeeeee!!!!!! 🙂
((((((((((((((((((Super))))))))))))))))))))))))))
“I wish I could body paint the world’s people. . .” (I bet you do. No surprise there :^)
“. . .if there was anything that I said that went counter to the spirit of this place. . .” (Sweetheart, you – and others like you – are the spirit of this place)
When you posted the lyrics at the end of your diary, I couldn’t help but think of some other lyrics I’ve held close to my heart for decades. And those lyrics brought to mind the picture of you with the flag (which was subsequently shared by a poster above). That being said . . .
Time it was and what a time it was it was,
A time of innocence, a time of confidences
Long ago it must be, I have a photograph
Preserve your memories, they’re all that’s left you
From the moment I read your first diary, I knew in my heart that you were someone very special . . . and you’ve continued to demonstrate your specialness time and again.
Michael, you are a rare, precious gem – and this is a truly magnificent essay. Bless you.
Much love, -A-
Sorry to be so late reading this. It’s beautifully written, but more than that beautifully felt. It is my pleasure to count you as a friend.
Super, I missed this yesterday but woke up with a heavy heart this morning so it’s obviously the perfect time to read your words of love and healing.
I don’t know you as well as others but I see in you a deep devotion to goodness and kindness. Reading the diaries after the march in DC so many comments were on what a loving soul you are. You captured many of the hearts you met that weekend.
To that end, it is sincerely a dream of mine to meet you one day. You say you are not an ‘enrapturer’ but I don’t believe that for a minute. You are much more than you have thought yourself to be in the past. It’s time to own it, your ability to enrapture those around you.
A beautiful, eloquent, soulful diary and one that has made this day so much lighter. Thank you. I hope it’s not presumptuous to say, thank you, my friend.
hey cl,
I just wanted to let you know that I checked out your old diaries yesterday (inspired by some comment of yours) & was astounded by your death penalty post from last August. What an incredible, loving, personalized tale. My wife does dp appeals, so I had to share it with her. One point from your piece that resonated heavily with us was that the victim’s mother was prevented from meeting the defendant in jail. One facet of the dp that deserves highlighting is how the prosecutors so often wind up as crusaders, and actually contribute to the further victimization of the victim(s)’ families, promising them that death is their only way to find mental relief.
& in a lame attempt to make this vaguely OT to the diary, whose sentiments I greatly appreciate, a fragement from a poem titled “Traces:”
of words:
what weight
a bridge’ll bear
what awkward reply
(circa ’86 or so)
What a generous comment yours is. Thank you. I hadn’t read that diary in a long time. I think it’s so easy to judge what we don’t know. That’s why I think stories are so important to tell.
Paul was one of the most decent people I have ever known. He did a heinous thing, he committed an unbelieveable crime but he never lost an ounce of love from any of us. I was so young then, so caught up in idealism but I was born in an age of dissent and of protests against bigotry, war and hatred. It was also a time of peace and love. I knew early on that life is complex and nothing is black and white.
Your wife has the difficult job. I’ve always been of the notion that we aren’t born bad and good. I firmly believe that what happens to us early in life shapes who we become. This country does nothing to stop the violence against women and children. If we continue to do nothing we will continue to be the country with the highest prison population. We don’t hold ourselves accountable for the lives of our young people. We don’t take responsibility for the violence.
I will always wonder if the mother had been allowed to see Paul to give him her forgiveness if he would have killed himself. It is the ‘crusaders’ who keep the cycle going. It’s always so heartbreaking to hear the families say they thought they would have closure after seeing the perpetrator put to death. There are so many victims.
The poem was perfect. What weight a bridge will bear. It really says it all doesn’t it?
Again, thank you so much. Tell your wife I respect her so much for what she does. It can’t be easy. Bless you both.
Evening Caliberal,
see, now you know me a lot better so I don’t think it presumptuous of you to presume to consider me your friend at all. That you would say that, makes me happy.
Peace my friend :o)
I’m new to the community over here, so I don’t know what the problems may have been; but, I’ve seen enough flamewars over at the Big Orange (and in life) to understand they are a natural part of our shared existence on this plane of life. Having long relationships and cherished friends can never be underestimated; but sometimes people need to allow others (and themselves) to move on every once in a while to explore new territories and connections.
The outcome of pain can sometimes be a thing of beauty. I place your diary in that category. Wonderful writing and sentiments…
Peace.