Before I start this, I want to thank you Booman for this wonderful place you have put together here. I want to thank all of the beautiful, strong, courageous, wonderful and amazing women in the pond who have bared their souls around our little pond here. You do more good than you know. And not to forget our wonderful men here. God, really….where we would be without you? So much strength, wit, and thoughtfulness yet…soft and smooshy too. Trust me. That’s a good thing. 😉 Anyway, as they say, let’s get this show on the road.

I was 6 when my mom married my step-dad. Things were so cool then. He was the dad I never had. He always had time for me and my sisters. (There were 3 of us, I being the eldest.) Anytime we wanted to do anything at all…we got to do it. We wanted a new barbie…done. We wanted Mickey D’s…no problem. And on and on…etc. It was insane at the time and yeah I will admit it, I loved it! I thought that he was the greatest person I knew…like a Dad.(The sperm donor was an ass. That’s a whole ‘nother diary!) I got so much attention I didn’t so much as make a squeak when he started to come into my room at night. I didn’t know at the time that all of the gifts…the late night trips to the store, just the two of us, were just a way to gain my trust.

He started to molest me at night I think when I was around 6 or so…that’s the earliest memory I have of it. He woke me up and pulled the covers off of me and just started kissing me. It took me a minute I think to  get my bearings. (I am a DEEP sleeper!) When I finally realised what he was doing, I scooted back on the back on the bed to get away from him. He started saying that it’s ok. Don’t be scared, this is how Daddy’s love their little girls. (oh god I just realised that when he got me that waterbed when I was nine…It was probably because that was the bed that he preferred. He and my mom had one.) He didn’t go very far that night, just kissed and fondled. He would come in at night and stay for as long an hour or two about 2 or 3 mights a week. He started to come in my room more and more frequently as time went by.

Then he started to molest my younger sister. I didn’t know it at the time of course. We both found out that He was molesting the other at the same time. We were in Girl Scouts, and we both made these “Secret Books”. They were just a shell of an old book with envelopes glued inside. Well one day, we were both talking about nonsense stuff…really don’t remember what and she said to me….. Wanna see my secret book? And I of course say Sure…why not? Well as you can probably guess by now it was the same secret. The only one both of us had in our books. I was fucking devastated. I always thought to myself after he would come to my room at night….Well, it’s only me. If I keep my mouth shut like he says, maybe he will leave my other sisters alone.

Now we move to when I was almost 10…My mom is 7 or so months pregnant with my brother. He starts coming to my room now almost every night of the week. This is really hard for me to write so I will just be blunt. He molested my and me sister at the same time. It was so horrible. Words really can’t describe. Sorry.

Anyway, We both kept kinda hinting at the other that we should do something…tell mom…anyone. Well, I guess she got tired of me waiting and she told one of our friends as we were walking home one night. She then goes to her mom…who goes to the guidance counselor at school…who then goes to the police…who then calls my mom. Wonderful way for that shit to come out let me tell you. My mom believed us at first. We talked to like 7 different cops that day..both seperately and together. (had to make sure the story was straight…upstanding guy…a Mason…you know.) We were sent to my grandmother’s in Pensacola for a month for things to cool off. He had my mother convinced in 2 weeks that he didn’t do it. That we were lying. So off we went for a bit. We were grilled by the entire family on both sides…his on the phone, mine in my face. It was a horrible few weeks till my aunts came to my grandmother’s and talked to us. They were our saviors. They understood. They believed for fuck’s sake! They alone threatened everyone’s life if he didn’t pay for he what he did. Moving along a bit…

We all started to go counseling. Him with his group. Us with ours…as well indivual and group and family therapy. (4 years and it didn’t do a damn bit of good. For any of us I think.) The whole time he had everyone convinced that he would turn around…be good. He had everyone convinced.  We finally went to supervised visitations with him…it was all good. Till he broke into my mom’s safe to get the quick-claim deed to the house. Funny enough she had a copy of it sitting in an open dresser drawer. Go figure.

You know I was just sitting here thinking…(yes I have been sitting here a while!) If it wasn’t for my neighbor Brad…he saved me so many times from him…god I love that man to this day. I was in the house the day that he came to get the deed and as soon as I saw his truck come into the driveway, I locked the front door, scrambled out the back and hopped the fence next door to Brad’s house. I pounded on the screen door and he came to it and he knew…he saw him come up. Bless him.

After that as you can imagine visitation was revoked…he went into a downward spiral, terrorizing my mother…sneaking into the garage while she was on a date. Just waiting for her to get home. Calling her at work…all that. It all finally ends when I end up running away from home for a year. (quite the hellion I turned out to be) 😉 My mother packed up and moved to Pensacola to be closer to my grandmother who had had a stroke…and of course to finally get away from him.

My goodness this has gotten quite long without even talking about the relationship with my mother, which was quite bad for a long time. Although we both got over it a long time ago. We sat down and had good long talk when I finally came home and it’s just gotten sweeter since.

His name is Kenneth Barber by the way. I just noticed that I never once said his name. Boy what does that say? well there’s my title!