I was at my son’s school this past Friday. All of the parents had been invited to attend a small celebration commemorating one year of the students having the ability to write. For the occasion, each child had “published” a book on a topic of individual choice. It was wonderful to see these excited small children and the progress they have made. My son wrote a “how to” book that explained the game of checkers, with the kind of illustrations that only a young child can do. (The boy sitting next to the boran2 boy wrote a book explaining how to shoot a gun!)
And with these new skills, my son has taken an interest in the things that shape the society in which he lives.
Now that he is reading and writing, my son has become increasingly aware of the world around him. Lately he has been asking pointed questions about a variety of things. And accordingly, my answers have been getting more detailed. Sometimes his questions address the workings of our government.
Given our recent history, he’s already well aware of how I feel about President Bush. In fact he can’t look at a photo of our leader without making some snarky remark. And 7 year old snark is fascinating, and very funny. But isn’t this a rather sad turn of events? No, don’t get me wrong. I’m glad to see that, due to my, umm, careful guidance, he doesn’t automatically accept the actions of our leaders. But, frankly, I couldn’t imagine tossing snark the president’s way when I was 7 years old. Of course, scandals were somewhat simpler then. Ahh, the good old days.
But now I have a question. How do I explain to an inquisitive 7 year old boy that our government functions in ways not envisioned by the founders? How do I explain to him that the system he will be learning about has been carefully undermined and/or circumvented?
How do I explain to him that we are currently engaged in a war that was brought about by lies from the highest levels of government?
How do I explain to him that our government has kept prisoners locked up for years without acknowledging to their identities? (until this week)
How do I explain to him that our government has initiated the torture that some of these prisoners have received?
How do I explain to him that our government has been spying on ordinary citizens and that it seeks to continue to shroud this in secrecy?
How do I explain to him that our government seeks to roll back long-standing environmental protections and safeguards?
How do I explain to him that our government has taken away certain bankruptcy protections.
How do I explain to him that our government seeks to take away long-standing food labelling protections?
How do I explain to him that our government has ignored certain scientific research and, at least until recently, denied global warming?
How do I explain to him that our government often functions as little more than a mechanism for serving the interests of big business and the rich? That our government is/has become a conduit for special interests with sufficient funds to “buy” legislators and thereby achieve their goals. That the needs of the many have been overtaken by the interests of the few.
How do I explain to him that our government does not care about his best interests?
How?
Fascinating question boran2. I’m not an expert, but I think one of the big differences between a 7 year old mind and an adult mind is the lack of real life experience and the difficulty comprehending complexity.
Maybe its a bit of a stretch, but I think about the themes that drive the popularity of stories like the Harry Potter series – the struggle between good and evil and the importance of courage, friendship and integrity. Maybe your son can understand what’s happening in our country in that context. And besides, I can soooo see Cheney as the embodiment of “he who cannot be named.”
Interesting idea. But Cheney is more like “he who will not be shamed”.
One of the other big differences between a 7 year old mind and an adult mind is that the 7 year old mind is less willing to lie to itself in order to conform to social or political expectations.
How do you explain to a 7 yo. things you don’t even understand yourself? It’s hard.
I think it comes down to this: our government has been taken out of the hands of the people and handed over to huge corporations who do not have our best interest at heart. It’s up to us (and our children!) to take it back.
Simple really. Tell the truth. It is usually pretty easy to understand. I have been having these conversations with my 9 year old grandleezy. They are much smarter and aware than we give them credit for.
You could tell him that people like Dick Cheney are “bad,” but (personally speaking) I think down that path lies “the dark side.” The talibaptists didn’t start out evil at birth, they were warped by their culture’s notions of good and evil.
Better to tell him that wise people tried to set up a fair system of government and foolish – but clever and sneaky – people found ways to get around it. Every time someone tries to patch the holes, some clever, sneaky, foolish person interested in himself more than the common good tries to find a way around the rules.
[I assume you want to leave out of the initial discussion matters like how the founders dealt with race and gender issues, LOL]
The rules are imperfect, and the knowledge of even the wisest people trying to make the rules is imperfect, so you’re never going to solve the problem permanently that way.
The only answer is to try and help people see that being selfish is foolish and self-defeating in the end.
From an environmental perspective, Dr. Seuss’ “The Lorax” makes this point beautifully. I’m sure others can point out other children’s books as well.
If everyone felt in their very bones their connection to everyone and everything else, we wouldn’t even need laws, but that day is a looong way off.
When people see themselves as alone facing a scary world, they’re liable to do all kinds of things in their fear that they might not do otherwise, things that they would admit were wrong if they thought about it – hurt and kill people, steal, etc.
Fear is a dangerous thing, but even worse is when people start feeding off each others’ fears and reinforcing them in an echo-chamber effect. Then whole countries can be fooled into doing very foolish things.
The answer is still the same (“If everyone felt in their very bones their connection to everyone and everything else…”) but getting there is a long row to hoe. Sometimes the whole group madness needs to collapse of exhaustion before there’s an opening where one can spread a message of love, hope, connection.
But everyone should do what they can to spread love, hope, connection, because to write off others is to condemn ourselves if we really are all connected.
People who propose anything different must be opposed – forcefully but mercifully; resolutely but kindly. To do less is to be untrue to the ideas we’re trying to persuade others to adopt.
And this goes for the rest of us too, of course! 😉
I think you are overly optimistic if you think he will learn much of anything about government in the schools. It is part of what we don’t teach any more.
On the other hand, he will clearly learn most of what he will come to know about government from you and your wife and from any books he might read. I have become convinced, lately, that 80% or more of the people in this country have no idea how the government works or how it is supposed to work.
I bet there are some children’s books available about government. . .just a thought.
I had Civics and American Government in high school and paid absolutely no attention to it because I was convinced it had nothing to do with me and, anyway, all politicians are crooked.
Later on as an adult I became fascinated with it and relearned what I was supposed to have learned in high school. If we can find a way to make it interesting and relevent for students they’ll eat it up. Unfortunately there are too many schools now that concentrate on ‘readin, ritin, and rithmetic’ because of NCLB and classes like Civics are rushed through or forgotten.
You’re right though about parents teaching their kids about the way government works, and I think the kids of liberals, after having lived through this nightmare of being powerless in a rogue administration, will have a much more thorough education by fire than kids of conservatives. Let’s hope the balance of power shifts soon.
PBS has a series called “Liberty’s Kids” where the ten-year-olds who always seem to get involved in this sort of thing hang out with famous men and women of First Revolutionary times like Ben Franklin and Paul Revere. It might be worth seeing if that plays in your neighborhood, and then if it’s appropriate talk to him about parallels between those days and now.
Whenever I’ve been discussing “difficult” or complex issues with kids I always try to do so within the context of “cause and effect” rather than “right or wrong” or “good or evil” or “Christian or nonChristian”, etc.
Removing the judgmentalism from the explanations seems to be not only good for the childs ability to comprehend, but good formyself as well as far as focusing my own understanding on the more fundamental realities that are the consequences of various actions.
Questions like this become more important to us all the time, as we are basically on our second go-round of parenting (raising the nine-year-old Queen of the Universe).
My wife and I have this general attitude: It’s OK for her to be a kid for a while. There’s no need to expose her to all the unpleasantness that’s going on in this country and this world yet. We don’t even watch TV news around our house. Granted she doesn’t live in a bubble, and there are things they discuss at school. For instance, they had a couple of service projects of some kind to help victims of the Christmas tsunami and the Katrina floods. They sometimes cover stuff in their social studies unit, and when she asks about them, we answer as best we can. But at this point the best thing we can do is teach her what’s important to us, and then when she has questions about what goes on around her we can answer them in the context of how it fits into our beliefs and values.
There are some questions I am most decidedly not looking forward to, though. The questions about why some kids make fun of her because her skin is darker than theirs. (Her school is culturally pretty diverse. There’s even a girl a grade or two below her who comes to school with an obviously Islamic headscarf. So maybe we’ll be spared the question, but it’s something I think about.) The questions about why her body is acting so weird go straight to Grandma, though.
Well, I imagine it’s hard. I have no children myself, so it’s easy to offer up advice, but tell him that we’ve lost our way before, but that good and heroic men and women worked hard to put us back on the right path. Tell him that good people disagree, and think for themselves, and that the people he learns about in school, like George Washington and Paul Revere made mistakes too, but they tried to learn from them. That people learn by talking to each other, and our government mostly worked for a couple of hundred years BECAUSE people argued with each other. Teach him the power of the words “why” and “no”. Teach him about how it is patriotic to insist upon a seat on the bus, a chance to vote, opportunities to learn and grow and meet new people. Teach him that there is always hope, no matter how hard it is to see, and that smart children like him will grow up to be smart citizens who help us to right our wrongs.
You know all this already, I think … I can see it in what you write, but when you look at the world now, when you see what other people teach their children you fear for him, but know that he is learning from your example, your willingness to be honest and human with him and the other people around you. You teach him by asking the questions above yourself, by always searching for ways to be a better citizen.
He’s lucky to have such a teacher.
Thank you.
You’ve gotten some great answers here (I am a child psychologist), and I don’t want to slather on technical stuff.
Most kids his age are at a very important point in how they see the world. I think the big issue you are talking about what’s right and what’s wrong. What is the ideal vs. the reality of what’s happening in our country. I’m thinking with work of Piaget has something to say about your questions
Earlier than 7, children are moral realists – which is to say, they judge right and wrong in terms of the effects. If they break a vase accidentally, it is equally bad as if they break it deliberately. If you do a bad thing, you are a bad person, period.
Very few adults think this way – unless, of course, they are dealing with people who are “not PLUs” (people like us) (And some right-wing christian politicos act as if they believe this, too, although I have my doubts).
Somewhere between age 6 or so and 9 or so, kids mostly become moral relativists. That is, they become very concerned with the motivations for why people do the things that they do.
If you do something bad, kids now understand that WHY you did it was important. Kids want to know this, and the understand the need for explanation, too. This helps parents explain that good people do very bad things sometimes, and the opposite is true also: Very bad people can do good things sometimes. Your son is good, for example, or he tries to be good, but sometimes he does things that you don’t like. Still, he is a good kid who just does some bad things.
[Side note: kids learn the terms “accidentally” and “on purpose” before they understand what they mean. I had a child kick the fire out of another kid during a soccer game – very deliberately – then say “it was an accident!” Sure!]
Once a child has an idea of what a city is, or a state, or a country, you can explain the same thing: The U.S. tried to be fair, and let every grown person vote, but for a long time, the people didn’t let Black people vote. And the people didn’t let women vote. Wasnt’ that wrong? And silly? But the country changed! Women and Black persons vote now. No one would keep them from voting, that wouldn’t be fair!
Now, this doesn’t mean that children won’t ask hard questions about the issues you raise before they are 7 or so. It also doesn’t mean that parents don’t need to explain things like motivations before kids get to this age – they do. It helps younger, moral realist kids understand that explanations are important, even if they don’t understand what mom or dad is saying, exactly, about motives.
He sees your emotion, if he doesn’t understand your words, and he responds to your struggle and visible pain in being concerned: you will visibly show that you 1) love your country – yes, for most of us it will leak out; and 2) you feel hurt by what is happening, and 3) you are worried, and 4) you love your kid and are concerned for him.
These are really good emotions to show your son. They build character, and sensitivity – and help him grow up to be an adult who asks these hard questions, like you just asked, here!
My spouse just told me to step off the soapbox and come to bed. g’nite – wish all the parents I know were as sensitive as you are.