Since I began writing on the Internet, I’ve refrained from writing anything original on Memorial day. Instead, I’ve quoted a little of the introduction from Kurt Vonnegut’s Slaughterhouse Five. This year will be no different. Some things have changed, and some never will. The men and women serving in the armed forces today, are often significantly older and more mature than they were when Vonnegut served, but the dirty old men are just as dirty. Read on, if you feel like it.
I added a short update to the end of the post.
Mary admired the two little girls I’d brought, mixed them in with her own children, sent them all upstairs to play games and watch television. It was only after the children were gone that I sensed that Mary didn’t like me or didn’t like something about the night. She was polite but chilly.
“It’s a nice cozy house you have here,” I said, and it really was.
“I’ve fixed up a place where you can talk and not be bothered,” she said.
“Good,” I said, and I imagined two leather chairs near a fire in a paneled room, where two old soldiers could drink and talk. But she took us into the kitchen. She had put two straight-backed chairs at a kitchen table with a white porcelain top. That table top was screaming with reflected light from a two-hundred-watt bulb overhead. Mary had prepared an operating room. She put only one glass on it, which was for me. She explained that O’Hare couldn’t drink the hard stuff since the war.
So we sat down. O’Hare was embarrassed, but he wouldn’t tell me what was wrong. I couldn’t imagine what it was about me that could burn up Mary so. I was a family man. I’d been married only once. I wasn’t a drunk. I hadn’t done her husband any dirt in the war.
She fixed herself a Coca-Cola, made a lot of noise banging the ice-cube tray in the stainless steel sink. Then she went into another part of the house. But she wouldn’t sit still. She was moving all over the house, opening and shutting doors, even moving furniture around to work off anger.
I asked O’Hare what I’d said or done to make her act that way.
“It’s all right,” he said. “Don’t worry about it. It doesn’t have anything to do with you.” That was kind of him. He was lying. It had everything to do with me.
So we tried to ignore Mary and remember the war. I took a couple of belts of the booze I’d brought. We would chuckle or grin sometimes, as though war stories were coming back, but neither one of us could remember anything good. O’Hare remembered one guy who got into a lot of wine in Dresden, before it was bombed, and we had to take him home in a wheelbarrow. It wasn’t much to write a book about. I remembered two Russian soldiers who had looted a clock factory. They had a horse-drawn wagon full of clocks. They were happy and drunk. They were smoking huge cigarettes they had rolled in newspaper.
That was about it for memories, and Mary was still making noise. She finally came out in the kitchen again for another Coke. She took another tray of ice cubes from the refrigerator, banged it in the sink, even though there was already plenty of ice out.
Then she turned to me, let me see how angry she was, and that the anger was for me. She had been talking to herself, so what she said was a fragment of a much larger conversation. “You were just babies then!” she said.
“What?” I said.
“You were just babies in the war — like the ones upstairs!”
I nodded that this was true. We had been foolish virgins in the war, right at the end of childhood.
“But you’re not going to write it that way, are you.” This wasn’t a question. It was an accusation.
“I — I don’t know,” I said.
“Well, I know,” she said. “You’ll pretend you were men instead of babies, and you’ll be played in the movies by Frank Sinatra and John Wayne or some of those other glamorous, war-loving, dirty old men. And war will look just wonderful, so we’ll have a lot more of them. And they’ll be fought by babies like the babies upstairs.”
So then I understood. It was war that made her so angry. She didn’t want her babies or anybody else’s babies killed in wars. And she thought wars were partly encouraged by books and movies.
So I held up my right hand and I made her a promise: “Mary,” I said, “I don’t think this book of mine is ever going to be finished. I must have written five thousand pages by now, and thrown them all away. If I ever do finish it, though, I give you my word of honor: there won’t be a part for Frank Sinatra or John Wayne.
“I tell you what,” I said, “I’ll call it ‘The Children’s Crusade.’ ”
She was my friend after that.
[Update] Bernie O’Hare, one of the kids watching TV on the second floor in the story above, was nice enough to stop by and say hello on the cross posted version of this on my site. He has a blog you can visit here.
Thanks for this, Chris. It’s always been one of my favorite passages, too.
Thanks, Chis, I’m going to email that to my family.
A great passage, Chris. That is one of the things that hurts the worst – seeing the young ones eager to fight, and the old men so quick to send them off to die.
T. R. H., 23. rest in peace
Back in college I took a course of modern German literature in translation. The book we started off with was Remarque’s All Quiet On The Western Front.
Paul, the narrator, enlisted in the German army during World War I with a group of his classmates as the result of endless jingostic pressure from Kantorek, their schoolmaster. Unlike most war novels of the past, the story gets told from the point of view of the ordinary soldier, describing the horrors, the dehumanization, the depravations the poor bloody infantry is subject to.
Paul manages to live through to 1918, surviving a mustard gas attack and an intense desire to go home. At the end the book drops into a narrative epigraph, describing how Paul died on a day that was so quiet, the report from the front consisted of a single sentence: Im Westen nichts neues (All quiet on the Western front), and how as he died “his face was calm, almost as if he was glad that death had come.”
What a waste.
i’ll tell you what:
if you need a writer who has ‘seen through the glass darkly’, vonnegut’s yer man…
a genius like that….one in a million!
recc’d
I think Memorial Day is a day to remember the countless lives wasted in needless wars by deluded and power hungery monsters. War is never necessary and we should make it an international crime to even consider.
Thanks for posting this. This has been a Slaughterhouse Five kind of Memorial Day, all right.
Seeing Bush at the Tomb of the Unknowns.
The horror.
All these people (including my husband) who spent their lives training. I laughed at the war games they bitched about Bosnia. The babies all signed on after September 11th. Nothing has ever been the same since and it has nothing to do with buildings that fell and everything to do with the most sophisticated military in the world being high jacked, abused on the cheap, and brought to its knees by of all things the party it swore majority allegiance to.