If anyone ever got it in their head that chickens are man’s best friend, I would be outraged. Chickens are cute and useful, but their brains are the size of a pea. And, if I found myself being consistently assaulted by exposure to people that misapplied the phrase “man’s best friend” to chickens, I would be sorely tempted to call for a Constitutional Amendment that would put a swift stop to it. As a dog lover, I would almost feel it was my civic duty to stick up for the traditional interpretation of the relationship between a man and his dog. I’m certain Rick Santorum would agree with me.

But, seriously…if you believe its proponents, the Hate Amendment that is being debated on the Senate floor is really nothing more than a prohibition on using the word ‘marriage’ in a novel way. The Defense of Marriage Act has already passed congress and been signed by Bill Clinton. That law allows states to recognize or not recognize the gay marriages that are certified in other states. At least ostensibly (the language is imprecise), the amendment does not aim to deny civil unions or other types of contracts that would allow a gay couple to attain legal recognition and attendant rights and privileges. It has nothing to say about what businesses may or may not recognize. In other words, all this amendment would accomplish is to make it illegal for states to use the word ‘marriage’. Even if the underlying motive and politics of bringing up the amendment were not disgraceful, it would still be a stupid thing to do. Let’s look at the language.

















2004 Version (H.J. Res. 106 (108th Congress 2004) and S.J. Res. 40 (108th Congress 2004)):

1. Marriage in the United States of America shall consist only of the union of a man and a woman.

2. Neither this Constitution, nor the constitution of any State, shall be construed to require that marriage or the legal incidents thereof be conferred upon any union other than the union of a man and a woman.

“Or the legal incidents thereof” seems to be the key ambiguity of the amendment. Depending on how the courts interpreted that phrase, this amendment could either have no effect other than banning the use of the word ‘marriage’ to describe a gay couple’s union or it could actually ban the ‘legal incidents’ that we associate with civil unions bills.

It’s all largely irrelevent anyway because the amendment is not going to pass. It probably will not even get 50 votes…far from the 67 it would need. But, the language is important. Denying ‘legal incidents’ goes beyond defending a word to deny people fundamental rights.

And to see just how cynical this debate is, let’s revisit January 2005:

President Bush said Sunday that he will not press the Senate to pass a constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriage.

In a wide-ranging interview with the Washington Post Bush said that he remains opposed to gay marriage but believes there aren’t the votes in the Senate to ensure the amendment would be adopted.

“The point is, is that Senators have made it clear that so long as DOMA is deemed constitutional, nothing will happen. I’d take that admonition seriously,” Bush told the Post.