Frivolous Friday Open Thread

18 Comments

1. 

   SallyCat on July 7, 2006 at 4:29 pm

   His closest advisors came to visit Dubya at the White House one evening and found him slamming down beers and whooping it up. They were astonished since he had given up drinking years ago. When asked why he was off the wagon, Dubya replied that he was celebrating finishing a jigsaw puzzle. They smiled and told him that wasn’t much of an accomplishment. “Ah, but you’re wrong. I did it in record time.” When asked what that record was, he replied that he had finished it after only 6 months. Again, they told him that wasn’t that great. “Oh yeah?” said the commander in chief, “Well the box says 3-5 YEARS!”

   Sums up a lot….

2. 

   SallyCat on July 7, 2006 at 4:40 pm

   First Lady Laura Bush flew from Washington to New York and instead of flying Air Force One, she took the Delta Shuttle. The first lady said she did this because unlike Air Force One, commercial airlines are cheaper, they waste less gas, and she doesn’t get stuck sitting next to a dumb guy. –Conan O’Brien
   – – –
   According to Secret Service logs, convicted lobbyist Jack Abramoff was at the White House only two times in the past fives years. Of course, the real question is: was it the same two times that President Bush was there? –Tina Fey

   • 

     SallyCat on July 7, 2006 at 4:41 pm

     Mind is going on this Friday….

     Now….must get some work done instead of snarking at jokes!

3. 

   Intellectually Curious on July 7, 2006 at 4:48 pm

   GEORGE W. BUSH
   1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
   Washington, DC 20520

   EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE

   LAW ENFORCEMENT

   I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976 for driving under the influence of alcohol.  I pled guilty, paid a fine, and had my driver’s license suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving record has been “lost” and is not available.

   MILITARY

   I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL.  I refused to take a drug test or answer any questions about my drug use.  By joining the Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam.

   COLLEGE

   I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. I was a cheerleader.

   PAST WORK EXPERIENCE

   I ran for U.S. Congress and lost.

   I began my career in the oil business in Midland, Texas, in 1975.  I bought an oil company, but couldn’t find any oil in Texas.  The company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.

   I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money.

   I was elected governor of Texas with the help of my father and our friends in the oil industry, including Enron CEO Ken Lay.

   ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS

   I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies, making Texas the most polluted state in the Union.  During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden city in America.  I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of billions in borrowed money.

   I set the record for the most executions by any governor in American history

   With the help of my brother, the governor of Florida, and my father’s appointments to the Supreme Court, I became President after losing by over 500,000 votes.

   ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT

   I am the first President in U.S. history to enter office with a criminal record.

   I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of over one billion dollars per week.

   I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S. Treasury.

   I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S. history.

   I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period.  I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.

   I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the U.S. stock market.

   In my first year in office, over 2 million Americans lost their jobs and that trend continues every month.

   I’m proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in U.S. history. My poorest millionaire,” Condoleeza Rice, had a Chevron oil tanker named after her.

   I set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips by a U.S. President.

   I am the all-time U.S. and world record-holder for receiving the most corporate campaign donations.  My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best friends, Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S. History, Enron.

   My political party used Enron private jets and corporate attorneys to assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court during my election decision.

   I have protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton against investigation or prosecution.  More time and money was spent investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair than has been spent investigating one of the biggest corporate rip-offs in history.

   I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and refused to intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was revealed.

   I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history.

   I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.  I appointed more convicted criminals to administration than any President in U.S. history.

   I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest bureaucracy in the history of the United States government.

   I’ve broken more international treaties than any President in U.S. history.

   I am the first President in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.

   I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law.

   I refused to allow inspectors access to U.S. “prisoners of war” detainees and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.

   I am the first President in history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election.)

   I set the record for fewest numbers of press conferences of any President since the advent of television.

   I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any one-year period.

   After taking off the entire month of August, I presided over the worst security failure in U.S. history.

   I garnered the most sympathy for the U.S. after the World Trade Center attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. the most hated country in the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in world history.

   I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million people), shattering the record for protests against any person in the history of mankind.

   I am the first President in U.S. history to order an unprovoked, pre-emptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereign nation. I did so against the will of the United Nations, the majority of U.S. citizens, and the world community.

   I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in duty benefits for active duty troops and their families-in-wartime.

   In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our reasons for attacking Iraq and then blamed the lies on our British friends.

   I am the first President in history to have a majority of Europeans (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and security.

   I am supporting development of a nuclear “Tactical Bunker Buster,” a WMD.

   I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden [sic] to justice.

   RECORDS AND REFERENCES

   All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in my father’s library, sealed and unavailable for public view.

   All records of SEC investigations into my insider trading and my bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.

   All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President, attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.

   I am a member of the Republican Party.

   PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE

   WHEN VOTING IN THE 2006 MIDTERM ELECTIONS.
   ================

   Well, not necessarily funny — and I can’t vouch for the facts (I did not independently fact check) … but, here’s my contribution to the open thread. 🙂

4. 

   CabinGirl on July 7, 2006 at 4:59 pm

   Release your own inner Jackson Pollock.

   (via Susie)

   • 

     BooMan on July 7, 2006 at 5:26 pm

     more colors please.

     • 

       CabinGirl on July 7, 2006 at 5:35 pm

       Uh, right click. Repeat.  🙂

       • 

         CabinGirl on July 7, 2006 at 5:38 pm

         That would be the other right…

         • 

           Militarytracy on July 7, 2006 at 5:53 pm

           I’ve had the computer experience of in ages.  I haven’t broke it Joshua yet because I’m not done playing with it myself and I will be kicked off of here after revealing it.  I’m starting to think though that not being able to tell my left from my right could be a viral thing.

   • 

     Damnit Janet on July 7, 2006 at 6:49 pm

     I LOVE THIS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

5. 

   James Benjamin on July 7, 2006 at 5:02 pm

   

6. 

   jimstaro on July 7, 2006 at 5:07 pm

   This young Lady has another short but ‘Powerful’ New Flash up!!

   7/04/2006
   Independence Day

   Declaration

   • 

     vieravisionary on July 7, 2006 at 5:18 pm

     Thanks for the link.  It is truly moving!

7. 

   Shalimar on July 7, 2006 at 5:33 pm

   Still worried about the potential for exploding terrorist cows.  I think the cows know about the plot, they come up within 100 feet of the house and say “mooooove” over and over again.  I personally plan on heeding their warnings, but somehow I doubt that the sheriff is gonna believe the cows before he gets pelted to death by flying flaming brisket.  Everyone else around here is toast when the terrorists finally attack, I just know it.  

   Now all I have to do is find someplace safer.  Maybe Belize.  Or Canada.

8. 

   SallyCat on July 7, 2006 at 5:33 pm

   A cargo plane is in mid-flight over the ocean when suddenly the cockpit door bursts open to reveal an armed, masked hijacker to a startled pilot, copilot, navigator, and a passenger. The passenger happens to be George W Bush. (Why? Maybe, he was on his way to check on the coca plant life in South America!”) The masked gunman held a gun to the pilot’s head and said, “Take this plane to Iraq or I’m gonna spill your brains all over the place.”

   The pilot calmly reached up, pushed the gun aside and said, “Look buddy, if you shoot me this plane will crash right into the sea and you’ll die along with the rest of us.”

   The hijacker thought about it, then held the gun to the copilot’s head and said, “Take this plane to Iraq or I’m gonna spill HIS brains all over the place.”

   The copilot also calmly reached up, pushed the gun aside and said, “Listen to me. The pilot’s got a bad heart and he could keel over at the shock of my being killed. So if you shoot me, this plane will still crash right into the sea and you’ll die along with the rest of us.”

   The hijacker thought about it for a moment and then held the gun to the navigator’s head and repeated, “Take this plane to Iraq or I’m gonna spill HIS brains all over the place.”

   The navigator calmly reached up, pushed the gun aside and said, “I wouldn’t do that if I were you. Those other two guys have no sense of direction. Without me they couldn’t find their way out of a paper bag much less get this plane to Iraq. So if you shoot me, this plane will still crash right into the sea and you’ll die along with the rest of us.”

   The hijacker thought some more, shrugged and this time held the gun to the passenger’s head and demanded, “Take this plane to Iraq or I’m gonna spill HIS brains all over the place.”

   No one said a word, at first, then the pilot, co-pilot, and navigator all brust into laughter. “He’s George W Bush!” they laughed. “He doesn’t have any brains!”

9. 

   Deward Hastings on July 7, 2006 at 6:40 pm

   Laura Bush invented the “I’m with Stupid” Tee shirt . . .

10. 

    dada on July 7, 2006 at 7:16 pm

    
    clik to enlarge

    or maybe The Jerk

    Peace

11. 

    keepinon on July 7, 2006 at 7:34 pm

    I hear that a lot of folks actually think GW was elected President of the U.S.A….twice!