Promoted by Steven D.
Some people take this time to have BBQ and party. Some people take this time to travel and see family. Some people take this time to visit the cemetery and place flowers at the grave side of lost loved ones.
I will do only one thing. I will go to the grave side of my middle child and give her some live flowers. Live flowers are a tribute to her and her life. She was full of life and she was bright and giving. She was a veteran of the Navy Reserve and loved what she did in that regard as well. She was loved by many and is missed by many too. But there is not one day that does not go by that I do nto think of her. I even have dreams of her at times.
Why am I writing about this today? Well, I am not the only mother who has lost a child. This is not normal, you know. Parents are to go before the children… Why is this? I think because it hurts so damn bad. I want to give you a shoe of which I have walked in for a few moments.
If I had lost her in a combat zone, I would have absolutely lost it totally. So senseless and for what I would ask of myself. By far, I am not the only mother who has lost a child for some maddened action of others.
Now I know why my very own Mother was disturbed when I went off to the military. I have to say, until one walks in another’s boots, they simply do not understand.
Yes she chose to do this, as I did. We never ask for the fighting of was when we chose to enlist. We all have or very own reason to enlist. To walk up and to say I want to die this year for what ever reason is not why one enlists. [clarification of death, Chris died in her bed at 2145 hrs while she thought, I am sure, she was safe][she was not in a war zone]
I know it was not my reason and it certainly was not Chris’ reason. It was not my son’s reason either.
Both of my children enlisted and did their jobs very well. I would hope to think I did my job well, too.
Most in the military does the job assigned to them well. What we didn’t ask for was a job to be done for some else’s ego or foolishness or folly.
Just this past week, my son called me and informed me that he was wanting to re-enlist. I went ballistic on him. Now mind you, I am the most patriotic person you could meet, but this is such a fools candry that I could not stand listening to his reasons for this consideration.
Now mind you, I do not want to interfere in my son’s life to tell him what to do or how to do it, but this would be such a mistake. I know his heart was in the right place. His MOS would send him right into the fighting. He would be a hospital corpsman with the marines. He was this for 8 years and he was great at his job. He now has a new baby to think of as of next month. He will be a father and things will change then. He and his wife have never been parents and they do not know the feeling of such.
Needless to say, I used every thing I had in my arsenal to tell him I did not want to loose another child. I would simply be in the stupor of the insane, at that point. Would you call me selfish??!!
Now mind you, I would not mind him being in the military and fighting, if for something we all felt worthy of fighting for. But this is senseless. I do not want to loose another child for the ego or legacy of one very crazy man and his administration that is so bitterly hated by many in our society, including myself.
So ladies and gentlemen, I want to take this time to say thank you to all the service men and women who do honorably serve….to all who have lost their lives and to the families who now suffer their loss. My heart is with you and I pray you will have the will to help stop this needless and useless war/occupation.
Just know, how very lonely for my daughter I am on this day and every day. This is what parents feel when they loose a child. This is something that no one in congress feels, it seems and I have to say I am very bitter about this for they seem not to understand or know the feeling of such a loss, it seems. If they have lost a child or loved one, tragically, they they should be the first to understand.
Just take time to hold onto your family this time of the year and (well) all year long, each and every year you can.
By the time September rolls around, we will see at least 400 more deaths, let alone the maimed, to have to remember. Is this what we want for our history or legacy? I know I do not.
What ever you decide to do this Memorial Day, just give a little thought as to our dead and why they had to die. Have a safe day and stay well. Thank you for a forum to let our thought be heard. hugs to all
Brenda, thank you for giving us a chance to walk in your shoes for a moment. I hope that you will know that by doing so we will share the burden of your pain.
It is hard to give another person their freedom because their choice may interfere with our own version of a perfect world.
Obviously, you have given your children with that most important gift that a parent can give. I’m sure they bless you for it.
Thanks, Alice. I sometimes wonder if I have done the right thing…..I just have done what I have always felt the best for them. I am not perfect in any way. I just try hard to use common sense in doing what I do or have done.
Reflection is always good for the soul. I do a lot of this nowadays. I am sure it is cause I am getting older. I am sure, others feel like I do, as well.
Thank you for joining this forum and I enjoy reading what you have written.
Oh, Steven, I was coming back to watch and care about the diary I wrote this morning and found it in the front page of this site. What a suprise! I just wanted to place my feelings on the site as to how it feels to be a parent who has lost a child and how that will always be devistating…..on a daily basis.
Days and nights go on….my life will most certainly go on, but with this, I have to say, I am always left empty and with a void. Some moms can’t do this. I remember reading about a mon who committed taking of her own life because of the feelings she had and could bare to deal with those feelings and the loss and void. I feel so very sad to have read about this.
I have to say, I always feel drawn to the fact that we all have those times in our lives that make such an impact that we will never be the same person ever. This is and will always leave me devistated. I just hope I can add to others lives and thoughts that they can see through the fog of war or what ever it is that creates the demons in their lives that haunt them and help them cross over to some sort of understanding of acceptance or control of themselves to aid in giving themselves the courage to face yet one more day of living, themselves.
I know you all here …..well, know you as to your hearts and how you must feel about our time in this history of living. We must go on to make things better for others…we much do the things that help heal…I just hope that one day I wake up and find this all to be a horrible mistake and that we can just pull ourselves up by the bootstraps and try harder to never do this thing ever again..and really mean it this time.
Blessed are the peacemakers. Bless each of you always, Brenda
Brenda,
I never had the courage to raise my own children so there’s no way I can experience the depth of your feelings in this time of memoriam. I wasn’t in the military either, so there’s another place where my undwerstanding is bound to be different than yours.
But loved ones have been lost to me, so in some way at least I can identify personally with what you say. And I have always valued your powerful and meaningful voice here.
Andrew Bacevich had a child taken in combat a few weeks ago. He wrote about it today here
sbj, Thank you for your vote of confidence. I have to say the piece he wrote is priceless! Thank you for giving it to me to read. He so speaks the truth! hugs a lot.
Hugs back to you too Brenda. Your daughter was very fortunate to have you as her mother.
Stephen
Brenda, you always move me with your dignity and humanity.
I know there is nothing I can do to heal your pain, but I witness the love and pride you feel for your children.
Your family will be in my thoughts this memorial day. {{{Brenda}}}
Thank you Kahli. I respect your words of wisdom tremendously. Have a great w/e and holiday. Thank your for your thoughts, as well. Like sbj said, we all ahve losses in our lives that make our hearts sad. I just hope and pray that they aren’t the way mind had to be. Many hugs to you and yours.
Thanks. Brenda.
Thank you Brenda. I hope that the comments here can surround you with love if only for a brief moment, take that love and wrap it around you when you need it. We can stop and remember our loved ones and pay tribute to them but it is the living who must go on and who need the cushion of love and understanding for the hole in their heart that will never heal.
Thank you CI. As you have to know, we all have our sorrows to deal with. hugs
Thanks Brenda, for sharing such a deep part of yourself with us. You always bring important and meaningful words for us to consider.
May I send my deepest caring for your loss and your daily dealing with such pain. Thank you again for your important participation on this site.
Love and many hugs
Shirl
oh Shril, Thank you so very much for reading my diary.
I know I am not the only mom to suffer such a loss. I just want to have you all know that some losses are not needed and that what is going on now is not needed in the least. I am so bitter towards this administration. hugs
Brenda Stewart, thank you for speaking out as you have. Your words have touched my heart. And, thank you Steven D. for promoting the idea of Brenda sharing what is in her heart with us in this way. This is exactly what is needed….so much more so than the recitation of the numbers — “nearly 3,500 dead”, etc. etc. Each one has family and friends like Brenda Stewart’s! Each one is/has been a real live person worthy of hearing her or his story!
And, I know the “dark night of the soul” you’re going through, Brenda. My son wasn’t a soldier, but we lost him a few years ago…our only child….and there simply IS no pain so deep, so searing. Like the woman you mentioned, for a while I no longer wanted to live with that pain. But our son’s life and death gave mine new meaning, new eyes.
So, take heart in knowing that your wonderful daughter, Chris, is NOT forgotten. She is a true heroine! How many are willing to do what she did? To honor their commitment to serve….and sacrifice….for this country and what it stands (or, stood) for?
I do know this, though, Brenda, I know….know….that Chris wants you to be happy again (as our son does us). She wants you to go on living and enjoying life. She does not want her passing to go on being the cause of your devastating pain. She loves you…so much. Just as your son does. She loves it when you are proud of her. She loves it when you think of her with joy and pride remembering all the wonderful things about her and her life and all she has meant to you. I believe she’s still alive…still lives…within you and “beyond the veil” we’ll know about some day. I can feel it, can’t you? Don’t you know that is true? I do!
So, thank you, Brenda. Like the Andrew Bacevich column about his son’s death, 1st Lt. Andrew J. Bacevich, 27, your story about Chris will be with me throughout this Memorial Day…and far beyond it…as a very real reminder of what all our military families are going through. The huge, huge sacrifices they are making….every day…so I can sit here at my leisure and talk to you.
God bless you, Brenda, and thanks so much for writing! (((((Brenda)))))
Thanks Sandy. I will remember your words. Thank you for sharing with us your sorrow too. I do not know if I could be as brave as you are now if I lost my “only” child. God bless you and yes someday……..hugs
Consider yourself hugged. Until last year, my mother-in-law put flowers on our son’s grave in Amarillo, but now she is buried a few graves away. So I say to anybody who puts flowers on any child’s grave, you do it for all parents who mourn a child. Thank you.
dksbook, I agree with you. I remember once when my oldest and Chris was at my mom’s house and they picked her tea roses…all that were in bloom. They brought them in to give to us. I criticized them for doing this to nana’s flowers. My mom said never to do that again to me and said it is a sign of the truest love to have a child give you flowers. I never forgot that…even if was a dandelion. hugs.
Hugs to you, Brenda! You’re right, although I am a parent, I can’t possibly understand all the feelings you’ve have had. Thanks for setting them down here.
b2, I sincerely hope you never have to share the feelings I have either. I so love to read what you write. Thank you for sharing your life with us in order to make this world a better place. hugs
You’ve always been a special part of this place to me Brenda and I have the deepest respect for you. With warm thoughts and wishes for your personal peace…
super
Oh My, Super! Thank you so much for being here with us today. I wish I would see more of your presence here. I to respect you and have the greatest regards for your thoughts and words. You make my heart happy today to see you here. My life will go on, even tho there was a time I didn’t know how I could. It has been finding this place to involve myself in, that has helped me find my voice and kept me grounded through many rough days. Many hugs to you, my friend.
My dad and grandparents are buried close by and earlier today seemed like a good time to visit. Its been raining off and on this afternoon but there was a break between storms so I thought good time to go. We planted white peonys years ago and they are in full bloom now. Some friends are in a veterans group and they put flags on all the vets’ graves for the weekend. It looked as if half the graves in the cemetery had a vet’s flag on it. Dad fought in Okinawa and the Phillipines. He wasn’t physically wounded, but inside there were unimaginable scars. I became very familiar with the 1000 yard stare long before I knew its name.
Brenda, thank you for sharing your grief with us and may the sharing bring some peace to you, my friend. You and your family are in our thoughts and hearts.
Big (((hugs))) from both of us.
S&S, you are very special to me, as you have to know. I knwo that you have to see that Mike is a great pride for me and to go balistic with his desires is what has set me off. His job is dangerous enough as it is without makings things worse off, at thsi time in history.
Thank you both for your friendship and would not trade it for anything. I know Chris would have had a blast with us on our trip last year. She was jut like that, you know.
Big hugs
Brenda,
I can’t even begin to comprehend your pain in losing a child. But I do know that this Memorial Day weekend has weighed on me like no other. I feel such a sense of melancholy — so many lives ended, so many lives devastated.
I can only hope that we all emerge from this weekend with a new sense of resolve to do everything within our individual power to find a way to end this war.
Thank you so much for sharing your story.
(((( this Memorial Day weekend has weighed on me like no other. I feel such a sense of melancholy — so many lives ended, so many lives devastated.))))))
Brementown Musician, I agree with you so much.
Thank you for being here with us. I really do think many are like us. BTW, welcome to booman. I haven’t had a chance to say that to you.
hugs and again thank you for reading my diary.