Also posted at the Independent Bloggers’ Alliance
I was thinking recently of something I remember Bishop Gene Robinson discussing at a talk he gave on working for the “common good”. He was explaining the distinction between debate and dialog, saying that in our society at this point in time, we seem much more likely to engage in debate than in true dialog…
When I listen to you, all I’m listening for are your weak points–so that I can come back at your weak points and win this discussion we’re having. I’m not listening for your strongest points. I’m not trying to understand where you are, what your experience has been, what makes you think the way you do. I’m just looking for the place that I can pick you apart. So I’m listening for the worst in what you have to say. Wheras in dialog, it seems to me that I’m listening for the best that you have to say, and looking for some kind of common ground that would permit us to move forward together.
Along with Gene’s remarks, my mind keeps returning to the following piece from a sermon my rector gave a couple weeks ago.
I find myself wanting less to call someone a racist or a homophobe or a religious zealout or a suburban escapist than to invite them into a conversation with those who are different from them. If there is hope in our world of endless wars, of school shootings and mall shootings, of crushing debt and poverty, of bigotry and prejudice, then I ma not sure even the most killing of statements from me to those on the other side will effect change. And change is what I want to see and experience.
I’ve been trying, unsuccessfully, to write a post encompassing these two quotes, as well as adding my own reflections, but for one reason or another that hasn’t happened yet. But I decided to go ahead and post this anyway, as food for thought.
I start teaching again today, so I’m feeling less than optimistic about my chances of pulling together an original essay on all of this. At least any time soon. But I do recommend this web site, which I found as a result of the sermon I quoted above
http://www.cnvc.org
I think this is such an important dynamic for us in the blogosphere ESPECIALLY to take in.
When all we’re doing it trying to prove we’re right, we’re really not learning anything. I’ve been guilty of that probably more than anyone here just because I’ve been online and doing this since 1993!
I spent five years online debating the Kennedy assassination, which can be decided by fact, not opinion.
But in matters of public policy, there are few knowns, and many more unknowns. No matter how factual and correct we think we are, there’s always the possibility that we are missing something key.
I’m trying, this year, to do more listening and engaging, and less pontificating. It will be hard! 😉 But I really do have much to learn, and certainly can’t learn anything new if I’m the only one talking!
Btw – I just saw Obama give an example of this. At an event tonight, a group of people started chanting something about “right to life” – an anti-abortion group attempting to disrupt his campaign. Obama really wanted to talk to them for a minute, to dialog. When it was clear they weren’t there to talk, some people in the crowd or campaign or even staff removed them. But even as they left, Obama said to the crowd, we have to honor that. They believe in something. They got organized. They came here. That’s what we’re trying to encourage people to do, so we have to respect that.
It was interesting to see him practice what he preaches, even when it meant giving up a few minutes of valuable campaign time.