Does anyone else feel that grounding teenagers for their misbehavior tends to punish the parents more severely than the child? Who needs a skulking, bored, teenager moping around the house?
About The Author
BooMan
Martin Longman a contributing editor at the Washington Monthly. He is also the founder of Booman Tribune and Progress Pond. He has a degree in philosophy from Western Michigan University.
I have to laugh at this one. My kids are grown and on their own (mostly) now. One of my children managed to get into a lot more trouble than the other, and my husband’s first recourse was always an angry tirade and then the sentence, “You’re grounded for (some unreasonable amount of time)!” Of course, he worked 60-70 hour weeks and travelled extensively, and was seldom around to enforce (or endure) the sentence. I was a (by choice) stay-at-home mom who never opted for grounding as a discipline, and I was often faced with the task of being an enforcer and jailer for a punishment that caused me far more in the way of headaches than it ever advanced my child’s behavior. Of course, it didn’t help that both of my children participated in lots of school/sports/arts-related activies, which made grounding nearly impossible. The “grounding” philosophy did more to fracture the relationship between my husband and me than it did to motivate the child, who responded more to talks and being heard than to anything else. The child turned out great. The marriage? Not so much.
Mum,
I think you`ve solved the problem.
You know, I had never even heard the term “grounded”, till I was watching TV one day, or at someone`s home at the time.(I forget)
I was, at that time, way past the age that the term could affect me(or be spoken with any authoritative meaning), but it took me a while to understand it.
At first, I thought it was a way to explain things to a child, to get them more “grounded” on the reality of life. But removing their freedom from living, was to me, akin to jailing people with no rehabilitation program, & hardly a way to enforce it.
l always found it more productive to assign them a bunch of chores. ya know, things like weeding, watering, mowing, washing the car, bathing the dogs, cleaning the garage, their room, etc., etc. as penance.
you’d be amazed how much they can accomplish when there’s something they really want to do that’s contingent upon the satisfactory completion of said duties.
of course, ymmv.
Part of being grounded means that you are home to do chores, IMO. And doing those chores are a way to earn time of your “sentence”. But that’s just me.
“time off“
My parents called those jobs my “rent” for living under their roof.
Absolutely it is more punishment for the parent/s. It took me four teenagers but eventually what works best is making the punishment fit the crime and let natural consequences occur. Sometimes you have to be creative, but it keeps you from feeling like you’re in lockdown along with him.
I just spent a family weekend with a 1 1/2 year old, a 4 year old, a nine year old and a thirteen year old.
I could never be a parent. My congratulations to those of you who could do it and retain your sanity. 🙂
lack of patience?
I have no patience. None. I do have some self control so I managed to not run away screaming. I can manage that for about three days.
do it and retain your sanity…
uh, well one out of two isn’t bad.
Grounding has always seemed dumb to me for exactly that reason. Some particularly loathsome task that actually accomplishes something around the house seems like a better idea. A loathsome task in lieu of something else they want to do seems like an even better idea.
Of course, complaining in a public forum about kids and the fact that you have to punish them doesn’t seem like a very good idea either.
you simply have to read this self-written obituary from my hometown newspaper. It’s like my favorite thing…ever.
http://obits.cleveland.com/obituaries/cleveland/obituary.aspx?n=nancy-lee-hixson&pid=129179739
OMG, that’s great. A well-lived life for that one.
this is clever. kinda makes me want to set everyone I know down and force them to write their own tongue in cheek obituary. She sounds like she would have been really fun to know.
what I love is that she wasn’t afraid to try new things and fail. She wasn’t that successful in some of her endeavors but she was enthusiastic.
I also love the thought of a 30-year backstairs lover.
If I got myself a backstairs lover now, in 30 years we’d be geriatric. She had the sense to start a little younger.
Well, in 30 years you’ll be geriatric anyway. Might as well have a backstairs lover.
True. You’ve really got perspective on the whole thing 🙂
Thank you so much for that link. I had to read it out-loud to Hubby and was nearly overcome by laughing and crying at the same time!
me too!
I had to leave a note to the family in the guest book. The comments from strangers are kind of amazing.
“Grounding” is definitely more of a punishment for the parent than it is for the child. I always found it more effective to take away a “priviledge” like watching tv or playing computer games coupled with “time out” in their room so I didn’t have to see their sulking, hate-filled glares. This forced them to read!
My sons are 22, 20, and 16. When they were younger, it was pretty useless to ground them. They didn’t go out that often and having to stay home was no big deal.
So we did the no-more-computer thing. No games, no communication with friends, just finishing homework and doing extra work around the house. It was not too unpleasant for me, but it made them stop and think. They’re good guys anyhow. I never had to enforce punishments that often.
grounding isn’t what it use to be—if you still have access to your cell phone or iphone, internet, i pod, play station or xbox, and Cable TV. Take those away and you have an old-fashion grounding.
Parent: “Go to your room!”
Kid: “Go to my room?! Oh boy, that’s where all my stuff is!”
Rather than household chores – I like the idea of finding a a neighbor who needs help and setting up a job there. I (as did my parents) see household chores as the responsibilities of anyone choosing to live in the house.
Well since I was raised at sea, grounding always sounded fairly appealing to me as a teenager. I would do anything to be able to jump ship…imagine a family of 5 aboard a 32′ sailboat 600 miles off shore and you get the gist.
Mom would put me in the skiff we pulled behind and tell me that she wouldn’t pull me in until I had thought about “it” and then she would sit silently as I had to discuss my transgression and what my punishment should be…she would just nod her head until I came up with a proper punishment. (generally entailed scrubbing toilets/’the head’)
Make them get married instead. That’ll put an end to all sex and provide an unforgettable punishment.
Something you need to get off your chest, Boran? 🙂
Just my 2 cents in solving the problems of punishment and teenage sex. 😉
People punish teenagers for having sex?!?
Hmm…I firmly believe that marriage should be a self-inflicted punishment…the karmic debt for forcing that on another would be too great. 🙂
Seriously. I wouldn’t do that to my worst enemy. Not a second time, anyway.
Bad weekend?
Especially when they have children of their own, which is an especial pleasure/pain event. And most of all, when the non-tending parent decrees grounding and the tending parent has to enforce that decree.
Who needs a skulking, bored, teenager moping around the house?
Oh yeah, like that doesn’t happen no matter what we do.
Sometimes, you got to suck it up and take one for the team. Even if the team, temporarily, hates your guts. Sooner or later, they’ll need a new iPod Nano and all will be forgiven…