And you thought only their vaginas were the problem. No, Republican legislators in North Carolina have identified the the “clear and present danger” that women pose to our great democracy: Their Bare Nipples!
On Wednesday, the state House Judiciary Committee C approved House Bill 34, which makes it a Class H felony to purposefully expose “private parts” for the “purpose of arousing or gratifying sexual desire.”
The bill expands the state’s definition of “private parts” to include a woman’s “nipple, or any portion of the areola.”
It seems that some “femi-nazis” last year in Asheville, NC – but don’t click on that link! You might see a nipple! – conducted a terrorist operation by holding a protest at which at least a dozen women bared their breasts – in public! Oh the fear that must have inspired in the good folks of Asheville, including their children. I mean isn’t anyone thinking about the children? One view of a woman’s nipple (and or an areola) would ruin their lives (unless the child’s an infant, of course)!
Thank goodness for NC State Rep. Rayne Brown, for recognizing this threat and making sure that any future nipple terrorists will be convicted of a felony, punishable by up to six months in jail, if they dare to bare their evil nipples in public. As a woman herself, who presumably has a pair (if you know what I mean) she was ideally situated to recognize the threat posed by a woman’s “upper body private parts.”
Unfortunately, there is a big loophole in the proposed bill that these Islamofascist Commie hippy-chicks might employ to oppress us with their boobies. Duct tape. Yes, even good old duct tape, in the wrong hands can be used to commit visual atrocities.
…Committee Chairwoman Rep. Sarah Steven (R) suggested that women could use pasties or nipple coverings just to be safe.
“They’d be good to go” with nipple coverings, Stevens said.
“You know what they say, duct tape fixes everything,” Republican state Rep. Tim Moore agreed.
Oh, you filthy minded, liberal enabler, Rep. Tim Moore! Destroying our family values again just so he could watch jiggling boobies at a public beach, for example. How dare you suggest violating the sanctity of duct tape!
Hopefully the good state legislators will stick some amendments onto this bill to make sure it covers up every conceivable situation. I’m thinking a simple ban on boobs would be the best solution. After all, the right to bare breasts is not enshrined in our Constitution, Praise the Lord!
“Because it is not me that is exposed but you. For I have seen the nipple on your soul!”
That would be an Elaine Benes.
When are they releasing Janet Jackson from Gitmo?
So tell me Steven…you’re not making this stuff up??
Local article from the Indy.
When nipples are outlawed, only outlaws will have nipples (Includes a photo of the boob who introduced the bill)
For the full coverage of the Art Pope legisture’s work thus far, the Indy summarizes.
The legislature’s disgraceful first two weeks
Hang on, Michigan. North Carolina’s legislature is trying to outdo you.
What is not reported is the huge Honor King on January 7 march in Raleigh that was followed by a larger HKoJ march on February 9. It was put together by the NAACP and led by a coalition of groups opposed to the legislative coup.
Per the usual GOP tactic, they are trying to mess up so much stuff that it will take years for a “reasonable” and “pragmatic” legislature to undo the damage.
The titties bill is a distraction for the new media to focus on instead of the real damage. It’s consequences would hit primarily the “gentlemen’s clubs” attended by legislators and staffers and other Republicans, three or four nudist resorts, and some random arrests.
I just be that Rep. Tim Moffit is trying to draw an appearance in the Legislative Building by the Ukrainian protesters Femen.
Furthermore, there will be no junkets allowed to members of the NC lege anywhere in the Mediterranean coastal region.
P.S. I like that Boobie’s style.
Can’t allow women to subvert democracy, God, country and all that’s good and right with the world — with their evil, salacious titties and cooters. That would allow the terrorists to win. Thank heavens for Republicans, sworn enemies of the Taliban and everything it stands for.
Indeed, the way to a woman’s vote is to rip duct tape from her nipples.
Before you added that clarifying sentence, Steven, I thought you were suggesting it become a felony to have boobs. Which has probably occurred to a number of these legislators – what better way to keep their women from leaving the house? – but the problem is that some of these good ‘ol boy legislators have boobs as big as any woman’s…
It’s amazing how flashing boobs can derail rational conversation even when the boobs are legislators.
Watch the shiny object while we raise sales taxes, gut environmental regulation, put Duke Energy in charge of the public utility commission, and cuts to the state budget. Watch the boobies while Art Pope gets his political wet dream for real.
And they wonder why they are called the American Taliban.
Anyway, another looming crisis in NC solved by heroic “conservatives”! Turning NC’s moral decline around, nipple by nipple. Brings a tear to your eye!
Sexual discrimination, unless men are charged for going topless too.