Two days ago, I wrote about how no one seems to want to speak at the Republican National Convention. It might actually be hard for Trump to fill all the speaking slots with politicians that anyone knows or has even a modicum of respect for, so I wasn’t too surprised to see Bloomberg report soon after that The Donald is hoping to invite some celebrities onto the stage. Legendary “ultra-ultra conservative” football player and coach Mike Ditka was mentioned as one possibility, along with convicted rapist Mike Tyson and player-choking chair-throwing basketball coach legend Bobby Knight.
Now, Tyson, through his publicist, says that “he’ll be nowhere near Cleveland” when the convention rolls around, but Ditka (though surprised to hear his name mentioned) says he’d be willing to do Trump a solid. There’s a slight problem, though:
Ditka said he first learned of the suggestion that he might appear at the July 18-21 convention in Cleveland in text messages from pals who’d read the Bloomberg story, which cited sources familiar with the Trump campaign’s plans. The story said other retired athletes, including boxer Mike Tyson, would also appear alongside Trump.
Still, Ditka said that “If (Trump) asks me, I’d be happy to do it. I’ve said before that I like him.” He added, “I’m not the type of guy to give a big speech. My speeches are short and to the point.”
I don’t see how Ditka’s short and to the point speech is going to fill enough time to keep people from noticing that pretty much no one recognizably Republican in a famous kind of way is going on stage to vouch for the nominee.
Maybe Bobby Knight can help with outreach to undecided voters.
But I remain skeptical, since that’s not the kind of outreach most people have in mind.
this may be the first time in years I’ve watched a convention. It’s going to be a fucking train wreck live on TV.
It has certainly provided many pass the popcorn moments!
Mike Ditka! Bobby Knight!
But even Mike Tyson is running away from the train wreck.
Who’s next? Charles Manson? From his prison cell?
Charles Manson probably shares enough of Trump’s political views. Must see TV.
Except California does not allow tv interviews of prisoners.
So he is out!
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The Donald frequently phones it in. Why not Charlie?
True that, but according to Trump’s fan-base, Trump is all powerful and yuuuuge at making great deals. So can’t the Donald make a deal with the CA prison system to have Manson Skype in his endorsement of Trump at the convention??
All that needs to happen is some payola in the right hands, and Manson’s in like Flynn!
Maybe Trump could have Ted Nugent sing one of Manson’s songs
.
Maybe Trump can switch the Convention site to Corcoran State Prison. That will not only make it easier to secure Manson’s endorsement and speaking spot, it will allow Trump’s people to gain more “protection” for white supremacists.
The Conventioneers and inmates will go crazy for Nugent; it’ll be this decade’s disgusting answer to the Cash at Folsom Prison album.
Donald can also see how he might like to administrate his Justice Department by watching the Warden at Corcoran place The Blacks and The Hispanics on lockdown during the Convention.
I’m kind of struggling with this particular Booman post, because everyone keeps making wild suggestions but I see many of them as likely speakers. McMahon might speak. Nugent probably will perform. So many of the joke suggestions are incredibly plausible, and I think likely. Trump loves ass kissers, and he will collect them.
Then you mention Corcoran, which has an incredibly sketchy past with forced fights which you could see being a Trump prison policy.
“Let’s make them earn their keep!”
There just is no making fun of this guy. He’s capable of anything.
.
Now that might actually make this particular cluster of a convention worth watching. (just kidding – thinking it is still wise to avoid this hot mess like the plague).
Maybe they can hire somebody to dress up like a Moooslim or a Mexican and run up on the stage, and they can have Bobby Knight reprise his role and choke the living shit out them until they appear to die.
I can guarantee you it would bring down the house.
that’s what’s missing! Where’s Vince McMahon?
Err, it’s so hard to joke about Trump and his plans….
How much do you want to bet McMahon is on the short list?
.
Hey, you never know with Trump. He is all about the drama. He might unleash a huge surprise at the convention. And it could involve Vince.
After all, he and Vince are BFF’s!
He bought a cheap wig and is presently passing as Trump.
Why do you ask?
AG
It would appear he’s falling back on his reality teevee/trash celebrity M.O. Somehow, I don’t think this show is going to play well on the national political stage.
I can just picture the convention agenda!
First up, Clint Eastwood in an EPIC debate rematch with an empty chair on stage.
Next, Bobby Knight throws the chair at someone on the convention floor.
Then, when the rioting begins EVERYONE is throwing chairs. Just like pro-wrestling, but with less gravitas.
sounds like the empty chairs on stage could outnumber the speakers.
And, as an added attraction, neo-nazis brawling with protesters outside.
Let’s see: Gene SImmons, Stephen Baldwin, Gary Busey, Meatloaf… any other Celebrity Apprentices that I missed?
hey! Leave Meatloaf out of this.
The man is a frickin’ GENIUS.
A GENIUS, I tell you!
Well …. maybe.
OK
Never Mind.
That last song is…interesting. Fascinatingly atonal.
My favorite parts of the YouTube posts of Meat’s songs here are the comments. Many earnest explanations and affirmations of the amazing lyrical contents.
The performance of one of these songs needs a review from Leonard Pinth-Garnell:
http://www.hulu.com/watch/4128
It would be a fine addition to Leonard’s oevure.
Sorry, l like him. I always have. We used to work all day to his music, turned up LOUD.
.
this
Best Meatloaf vocals on this album;
Free for all
tRump might be able to get them back together,.
Gah! You forgot the Nuge!! I hear he’s HUUUGE with Trump’s base. That’ll fix everything!
Maybe he could invite disgraced scientist Michael Katze.
Who ya gonna call ?
Toastmasters !
If Trump is having a hard time finding speakers for the convention, maybe his staff should look through the Encyclopedia of American Loons. Trump would be in good company.
. . . inside their skulls?
Maybe Bobbie Knight can throw a chair and have Clint Eastwood talk to it while it flies through the air?
Snort! Made me laugh. That would be something to see.
I can’t believe this is happening. It’s incredible.
I mean, we’re all making jokes…but I remember Reagan’s “Together, a new beginning” extravaganza; I remember all four Bush conventions…the excitement; the breathless commentary….
Donald fucking Trump. Who would have ever dreamed it would have come to this.
NO
SATSQ
Right, the idea that Ditka & Knight could possibly match the glamour glitz, hormone-pumping sex appeal and inspiring oratory of Bush, Romney & Dole is laughable.
Pretty much a wash, I’d say.
Clint Eastwood and The Chair II!!!