I’d like to do something for Tony Sizemore, but there’s nothing I can really do. His girlfriend was the first person from Indiana to die from COVID-19, condemned by her job which required her to drive airport rental cars around the country. It figures she’d get exposed to the virus before anyone else in her state. Sixty-nine years old, suffering from diabetes, damaged lungs and high blood pressure, she wasn’t in strong enough health to fight the thing off. It didn’t help that it took them a while to figure out what was ailing her.
Sizemore is at home, self-quarantining. He’s looking at her clothes, her car in the driveway, her curling iron in the sink. He has no idea which bills are paid and which aren’t, and he just managed to get the power turned back on after a cut-off.
I haven’t eaten much, and it’s probably making me weak. I’m bone tired and coughing like crazy. They called me back to the hospital for a chest X-ray, but the doctors said I looked good. No fever. No trouble breathing. They decided not to even give me a test. They have 12 nurses quarantined over there now and a whole floor of people with the virus, but I got lucky. They told me I’ll be fine.
I know Tony is not going to be fine. He’s going to be sad and miserable. It’s a story that is going on all over the country, but it’s never easy be first or the live with what amounts to really bad luck. Sometimes bad luck is the hardest thing to digest. A friend of our family lost their niece last week when a tree branch managed to land on her head while she was riding her bike. With everything going on in New Jersey, it’s hard to believe that a family has to deal with that kind of tragedy. What do you do when the universe sends such a strong message that it doesn’t care?
I guess we do what people have always done. We process the pain and we keep moving.
But sometimes we don’t. Sometimes we just give up. The world can break a person.
That’s why I worry about Tony. I worry about all the people who are unable to mourn in the normal way because we’re locked in our homes, isolated from everyone.
Maybe his decision to tell his story will help. By his own admission, he’s not very tech-savvy, but I bet a lot of people will reach out to him–to share their stories, to try to console him, to offer him an opportunity that might help him keep the lights on and provide a reason to keep going.
We’re all in this together–me in Pennsylvania, Tony in Indiana, and you, wherever you are.
Man, there are a lot of people suffering! Tony, if you’re reading, so sorry. Hang in there, man. Many of us will no doubt be in your shoes before long.
As for the little girl, I can’t even imagine the pain that family is going through and I can’t imagine a worse time. Can anything be worse than losing a child? Where I live funerals are no longer allowed so people are constricted even in their ability to grieve. My heart goes out to Tony and to your friend.
Goddammit, Martin. This one really hits home, in the best and worst ways.
I guess we have to be made helpless to save our loved ones before it truly hits home what little control we have over our the sorts of journeys we get to take in life. Random chance is a major influence. It doesn’t actually even out, not in the course of a human lifetime at least.
My love goes with anyone hurting because of this pandemic.
Thanks for posting this (as difficult is to realize how awful this is in very personal terms). Saw this in my walk around Sherwood, Oregon earlier today.
One thing I have realized from all this is how much I have taken for granted. A good friend of mine died unexpectedly on March 13. He was 62 years old. He had recently had surgery but was doing fine. He started having some serious abdominal pain in the late morning, his wife took him to the ER and they sent him to the hospital. A scan revealed he had an inoperable aortic aneurysm which was rupturing. The surgeon explained the situation to he and his wife, he signed a DNR order and they started palliative measures. At 11:10 PM, he died. I found out early in the morning on Saturday.
His wife, obviously, is unable to have a memorial service, so she is now doing it virtually, by posting dozens of pictures every day on social media and having friends and family comment on them with stories related to the pictures or simply memories they have of him. All while she is now alone in their house. Tragedy has always been everpresent in life, but when one slows down, like we have been forced to do, it gives time for reflection on what’s truly important. Yes, we are all in this together. I have always known that, but it often falls to the back of my consciousness, in the hurried times of daily life. For one who is an empath by nature, situations like my friends, and Tonys, weigh so much on my spirit and my heart. I hope we come out of this a better and more compassionate people. The odds are probably not good on that, as we will quickly rush back into our comfortable corners when this is over. My only hope is that, in the future, we will at least pause and ponder our actions for at least a moment, and consider the humanity of each person we come across in our daily walk through this life.
I love your thoughtful comment, Mike. A friend and colleague of mine recently passed on following a fairly long walking with terminal cancer. She left behind three young children and her husband had died the year before. When she realized it was terminal, she sent a message to the professional group we were both members of, asking each of us to learn on her dime. She said (this is a paraphrase), “Why did it take something like this to bring into view that the only thing that’s truly important is love and time with loved ones. Ironic that it took death to reveal the value and meaning of life. Please don’t be like me. Don’t wait until death arrives to figure it out. Please learn from my fate.”
I feel a duty to learn on her dime, so to speak, because doing so adds meaning to her death. There’s a belief in Judaism that once someone passes on, that person is in paradise which is a really nice experience but, in that place, can no longer do good deeds. There, where all is love and connection, everything is one. It’s here that we can do “good” because it’s here that there’s both good and bad. So we can help those on the other side by doing good in their names. In Islam it’s framed a bit differently. That everything one does in life gives rise to a garden in death and that each good deed is a flower. Those good deeds that continue to create value in this world cause the garden of the grave to continue to overflow with blessing. Either way, allowing someone else to help us is, in itself, a blessing, a mitzvah, a good deed.
Sad story, really hurts. So many of us have one or we shortly will. My son is a nurse and he must wear a paper mask all day. They are out. He told me he is a little worried about it. First I ever heard that from him. He was a cop for many years and never said that.
Meanwhile our President, and apparently governors in Rhode Island and Florida, are trying to keep people from NY locked up and the hell out of their state. So even to,the point of hunting people from NY in RI to be sure they quarantine. And Trump ponders an order to keep New Yorkers in NY. Maybe I should argue to keep the do nothings from Ohio out of Indiana. Seems to be the thing to do. And more people are buying guns I am told, not enough yet? What are they thinking? Forcibly guarding their borders? We have no leadership, none, not even the two old men pretending to be our next president. The best outcome just might be a deadlocked convention and we take a fresh look. I’m not happy with either of them,
It is a bit morbid but I’d rather listen to Gov Cuomo on tv than listen to the nonsense on cable news, and especially Trump and the task force. At least Cuomo sounds like a reasonable person. And why can’t the old men say something? There are bombs laying all around from the Orange Cheeto’s wonderful tweets and stray thoughts. And still not enough ventilators, if you are an old fart, don’t bother going to a hospital they are just as likely to send you back home.
Sorry for this ramble. I am really not taking this shit very well. The deaths have doubled in the last two days to over two thousand.
I’ve not listened to Cuomo’s press conference but I could never support that cynical bastard for any office above that of dog catcher.
Check him out. He sounds good to me. He gets a little repetitive but at least he doesn’t say shit like Trump: “ If they don’t treat you right, I don’t call” when talking about Michigan gov. That is a statement right there that someone like Biden should jump on. Trump lays out bombs in his daily campaign rally on tv and are invitations for Biden to jump on. Instead, nothing.
Agreed. I’m quite aware of his record, and to say I haven’t been a big fan is an understatement. But he is getting the job done, and doing it well. He is indeed worth checking out. I can’t believe I’m saying this but he’s really helps bring you back down to earth.
I don’t know what else governors are supposed to do at this point, with no fucking federal leadership, no coordinated response, no nothing.
It’s fucking horrible. It’s why I left Tennessee, I could see it coming.
No we’re not. At least not if you count the POTUS, whose obvious strategy now is to intentionally fuck things up (standard issue Republicanism) and then shift the blame to Democratic governors.
Sure and outside of Pelosi this morning no one seems willing to challenge him.
I am very concerned about John Prine who is on a ventilator now, among others
He is in bad shape. I can only pray he makes it.