My Fellow Americans,
I gave Janet a day trip to a luxury spa in Ubekiwhateverstan so that I could disspell some rumors that you all might have as rumors are rumors because rumors aren’t always the way it seems and you people don’t seem to know the truth and we wiretapped all your homes and offices and Bzzt Sir, get off the wiretapping uh we done learned that you’ve been mocking my truth. See, now that’s not right and I just want you to know that G-d speaks to me and I do what he says. So if you don’t like what I have to say then you are going against what G-d says.
I thought I’d share my trip with you. So I can at least say I tried to help you see the truth before I had you all hog-tied, hauled out of your homes, arrested and sent to some third world country like Biloxi.
Respectfully “liberated” from one of the greatest sites of all time. Bood Abides. Go vist it.
I’m here to talk to these Indian types about something to do with energy. I’ll wave my hands around alot and jut out my chin. And that’ll be good enough for them.
This here is an Indian. I was nice to him even though he didn’t have the class to finish drying his hair on his own time. We got our kicks making fun of his accent when we got back to the armoured limo. Yeehaw we got smashed bzzt, Mr. President I mean, uh I admire his fine charachter and he’s a fine fellow American.
This here is just some of the many fine Indians who weren’t able to meet me in person. Most Americans can’t either – heh heh…
India makes a big to do over their elephants. They wouldn’t let me ride a bike there and then got all uppity about not letting me ride the elephant by myself. They thought they’d get away with having a monkey be my driver. I told them good though. I said that if they’s gonna let some little monkey drive the elephant then they’d better let ME drive, too bzzt Sir, that’s no monkey, that’s a man. Really? Sheeet, that’s one skinny, little man! Well… uh the elephant weren’t equipped with body armour so Laura wouldn’t let me ride Jumbo.
Too bad Dicky wasn’t with us. He’s been wanting to bag an elephant for some time. And here he could shoot the elephant AND the man probably in one shot. .. Bzzt Uh Sir get off the Cheney shooting controversy!
See G-d talks to me through this little wirepack that goes from my coat and into my ear…Bzzt Sir this is your speech advisor I knows it’s you G-d. Whoot. But alright, Shhh “Advisor” whatever.
Well, I think it’s juice and nap time coming up. They only let me out for short periods so I don’t go all jittery like and say something really profound.
So let that be a lesson to you blogger types. Those rumors of yours have got to stop or I’ll have you boiled alive… Bzzzt Sir off the torture now I’ll have you liberated for your own good. Cause this is America and I gotta cut and run for Democracy so that we can fight the liberty of the good fight.
I’m George W and G-d and Karl approve of this diary.
to Bood
and to all those who have an idea that laughter still is the best medicine untill the FDA fuckers find same way to make it illegal.
Damnit – let’s not forget how tickled george was to see a bit of elephant sexual activity in Africa. There’s a photo out there somewhere, but I don’t have time to search it out.
He’ll probably be reminiscing about that day, trying to relive colonial times while he visits the largest democracy in the world with his 5,000 bodyguards.
This guy is an embarrassment.
Yeah, he probably points out to everyone the size of the elephant poop.
Alice,
I recall that photo! Billmon had a caption contest thread for that photo that was pretty entertaining. I’d hunt for the link but I can’t access most progressive sites thru my workplace servers… [Bzzt! this is your second warning today for wrongful thinking!] …I mean, I’m so grateful to my beneficent employer for protecting me from pernicious, traitorous ideas…
Fun diary, Janet. Thanks for giving me a laugh today, this has been a very depressing week for me so far, so your medicine was just what I needed.
I am so glad it made you giggle for a bit today. 🙂
LOL! Great fun Janet. Too bad most of what you satirize here really happens every day. The dumbfuck Emperor with no clothes!
The dude is one serious shameful piece of puss.
the wiretap “bzzt” … a friend of mine said she at first thought it was his electric shock treatments. I kinda like the idea of electric shock earprobes for warpigs 🙂
Yup, I have to chill the hell out sometimes or I think the anger and depression over all this shit will rip my head off in a final moment of ranting and venting… so it’s nice to lighten it up a bit.
Thank you, Janet, for a great diary. You are getting our responses, aren’t you, “relaxing in that spa” in Ubeki–where-ever?
Btw, I dunno if anybody mentioned this here, but the ACLU lawyer, Amrit, who was on the media recently, attacking Bush in connection with the Abu Ghraib photographs, is the Indian Prime Minister’s daughter. (That’s the guy in the blue turban)
I heard something about it on the radio this morning – one of those “isn’t that connected to that other bit of info I heard/read elsehwere?” moments because we here in America have to try and tunnel throught the media crap and half-truths and play connect the blogs.
… my mind went into WARPED drive.
I was having to find some way to start a hockey thread for my friends… and it got out of hand and I ended up with the above. 🙂
Apparently, the Indian Govt decided that the best place for Bush to give a speech was at the Purana Qila (the old fort). All other places were gonna be filled with too many protesters. So Arundhati Roy writes:
“Since the Purana Qila also houses the Delhi zoo, George Bush’s audience will be a few hundred caged animals and an approved list of caged human beings, who in India go under the category of “eminent persons.” They’re mostly rich folk who live in our poor country like captive animals, incarcerated by their own wealth, locked and barred in their gilded cages, protecting themselves from the threat of the vulgar and unruly multitudes whom they have systematically dispossessed over the centuries.
So what’s going to happen to George W. Bush? Will the gorillas cheer him on? Will the gibbons curl their lips? Will the brow-antlered deer sneer? Will the chimps make rude noises? Will the owls hoot? Will the lions yawn and the giraffes bat their beautiful eyelashes? Will the crocs recognize a kindred soul? Will the quails give thanks that Bush isn’t traveling with Dick Cheney, his hunting partner with the notoriously bad aim? Will the CEOs agree?”
I thought this passage went nicely with some of your pics.
Thank you for that passage and your input. Perfectly perfect!!!
Isn’t she wonderful? Great paassage you snipped there from a gret piece.
Thanks for the smiles tonight, Janet!
Arundhati Roy, I have always loved the way she writes. Hope he has a good time with the snakes too. Hugs DJ. you are the best.
Each day with more and more proof that the man is nothing but a shallow, lying, mass murdering pig… I keep hoping people will rush the streets and demand in one voice – ENOUGH.
I scream. I cry. I rant. I get so damn frustrated… so it’s good sometimes to spin it off with some friends.
I just hope this new video of Bush hearing about the levees cancels out all the PR from Afghanistan and India and puts the media on message. They love a downward spiral and Bush is on a big one.
I jumped up and cheered when I saw your diary : )
But I also worry that the media could have 1,000 witnesses, video and still proof that George Bush had a dead boy in his bead… and they’d still find some way to spin it to make it look good and the Freepers and Rushwannabes would eat it up and shit it out like it was warm brownies ala mode.
But… I am hoping we’re seeing a death spiral.
Did you hear the comparison with Lyndon Johnson today on Air America? They were talking about how he stopped his car and just starting walking around talking to people on the street.
BushWhacked is what would happen if he tried that now in India.
Bush is afraid of us all. I doubt he could walk any street in America nowadays.
Strin him up for crimes against humanity – here and abroad.
for the short procession of his second coronation ceremony, all the big black frightcars, he could not even walk among those who supposedly had issued him the mandate to serve them as boysinger.
Even “centrist” commentators remarked live, on the crusadenets themselves, that the scene was more what one would expect of a Latin American dictator than a democratically elected anything.
He could not even get out and walk at all, I don’t think, or if he did, he was so surrounded by guardthugs as to be invisible to the hand-selected adoring dozens that were permitted to be within sight of the “motorcade.”
ROTFLMAO!!! This pure snark at it’s best. Thank you for the laugh. Too bad it is probably all too true.
Damn It Janet this is Too much fun LOL!
DJ you are a Booman Tribune treasure. This is hilarious 🙂
All these reports about Bush’s security detail in India reminds me of the contrast between Bush and Clinton when they both went to the Pope’s funeral… Bush had his mega-security detail (though not quite as impressive as the one he has in India, IIRC) complete with padded bubble.
Bill Clinton went happily walking down the streets of Rome, doing his usual meet-and-greet and shaking hands with whoever, and got a warm reception. I presume he had whatever Secret Service protection is afforded former presidents, but they weren’t mentioned.
Says so much about them both right there.
Thanks for the laugh, I needed that…