I am very sad and I don’t want to sit alone with it.
I’ve tried hard to convince myself I’m really not all THAT attached to this blogging community: after all it’s just a blog, not real life.
But I wouldn’t hurt like this, over “just a blog”. I only feel this sad when I am losing people I truly care for, with whom I’ve shared a special time and place that has become part of my life. A place that feels like it is slipping away from me even as I write.
Super, Leezy, I so much hate to see you leave, even as I honor and understand your need to do so. I’ll miss Spidey too, as I have missed many others who have moved on in less than happy circumstances.
On my smugly serene days, I hand out some mighty fine advice about how important it is to learn to “let go” of what one cannot change, and move on with life. I know I can and I will, with or without this place or any other certain place.
But in this world the way it is now, connections such as are made between us, in places like this seem more precious now than ever before. We cannot be sure of our world anymore: or if it will even survive the madness. We don’t know how much longer we may even have, to be able to connect with each other like this, across the miles.
How can it be, then, that perceived slights or insults become so much more important than remembering this reality? How is it that it becomes so much more important to spew rage at each other than to hang on to each other. Just how much more important is it to be “right” and to prove another “wrong”, rather than live, let live and listen to each other?
I am too sad to be mad at anybody right now. I’m even too sad to swear, and that doesn’t happen often. Because I know there’s nothing I can do about any of this: not what’s happening here, not what’s happening to my country, not what’s happening in Iraq or anywhere else.
I just wish I could gather up everyone I care about, here and elsewhere, and hold them all close while I can.
Thanks for listening.
Mind if I pull up a chair, put my arm around you and be sad with you?
Please do. Got any chocolate?
No chocolate right now.
But how bout this, we’ll let my little Pax get all in our faces and lick the tears away. She’s better than chocolate any day.
That little four legged bundle of pure wiggly puppy love could make anyone smile..:) My cat is just laying there snoring: big help SHE is!
Did someone say chocolate?..and then say something was better than chocolate?……oh the horror, that’s considered blasphemy in my house.
I am very sad also and really don’t know what else to say.
Sorry CI, no disrespect intended.
Here…have some chocolate while I play with my puppy.
Those are Troll worthy comments. Something better than chocolate, ehew!
But north, you haven’t met Pax yet! I have, and let me tell you, as much as I absolutely LOVE chocolate, if I had to choose, it’d be a “Pax fix” first.
OK, I guess we better deal with this before it gets out of control. Here are your choices:
Chocolate???
Or Pax???
The voting booth is open.
I don’t know, I think the photos may be rigged. Plus I can’t actually taste the chocolate.
You might not believe this but I tried several pictures of chocolate trying to get one to post more clearly, but alas…
And you can’t feel Pax’s sloppy lick kisses either. So on that one, we’re even, maybe.
Touche!
Ok, I say it’s a tie. Too difficult to pick just one.
I’ve waited for the talking stick. I perceive that you have passed it to me, now, and I have not much to say.
Sometimes silent waiting is cathartic, and in my moments of speaking freely now, I would simply direct every one who sits around this council fire tonight to lift up your eyes and gaze at the stars in silent contemplation of the wonder of this universe in which we live.
It contains all of us, for better or for worse, and we are like the stars themselves. Whether our light is green or orange or red or blue or white, whether our light is from afar or up close, we shine. There are many stars which lie at the edge of our vision, at the limits of perception. And stars which are obscured by clouds of dust, not of their own making.
If we wish to bring those unseen stars into our field of vision, we will necessarily begin a long journey into the night of the universe itself, and stars that shine brightly for us here will begin to fade as we move through the universe and sample its wonders. But the universe is whole and complete, though we see only a samll sample of its stars in our sky.
Some who come to sit around the fire will leave and find other times and places to share their portion of light. Some will stay and welcome the visitors who are wandering on their own journey. And all is well in the universe.
That is beautiful and so true!!!!
Very nicely said, blueneck my friend.
.
When excellent diaries are not read and recommended, often there is a rant elsewhere attracting BooMan’s quacking frogs. I always avoid these diaries, and a warning signal is given when a diary goes beyond thirty comments in a jiffy and it’s not a FBC diary!
In the early part I did add comment #4, but removed my Rec’d when the diary moved into the insulting mode. People must heed the rules of BooMan’s community and take a deep breath before hitting the POST button.
LOVE to all and plenty of (((HUGS)))!
"But I will not let myself be reduced to silence."and take a deep breath before hitting the POST button
Sound wisdom, Jeremiah. In every case in which I have posted a reply in haste and in anger, within hours, sometimes within minutes, I have come to deeply regret both my words and their consequences. In every case. Without exception.
We cannot unfire a bullet. We cannot unspeak a word.
Same here. I learned this one in some pretty tough ways. My rule for myself now, (that works “almost” all the time 🙂 is that I go ahead and allow myself to write whatever totally rageful, off the wall, curse filled retort that I need to at the time.
But I write it on a word document, and put it in my “24 Hour Cool Down file.” I give myself permission to post it, as is, after 24 hours have passed, if I still really want to.
Of course, by then I’m past the “rage wave” and don’t have to.
Good idea, scribe. I’ve done the same with letters to the editor for years. I did send a rather nasty e-mail around my local list a few days ago against some stupidity our local county commissioners were engaged in, though.
(((Hugs)))
Dear (((Scribe))) don’t take it to heart so much. It was certainly lovely at times, and will be again.
Unfortunately, there’s a virus going around. I’ve heard it called the ‘Irish Alzheimer’s’ (forget everything but the grudges.)
People catch it and start to nurse their vendettas. Just let them vent and keep your distance. Like a cold, you’ll catch it if you get too close.
We are still family.
I think you put it very well.
And thank’s for the medical update – Irish Alzheimer’s, lol.
Hey, I’m part Irish so I think I should hold a grudge over that remark, but I can’t remember for certain.
probably too much booze.
Said the irishman to the other irishman
Thank you Alice. Usually I can and do keep my distance from online conflicts. What’s happening here, however, doesn’t feel like a some passing virus: it feels more like a cancer that is spreading, and I am simply past the point where I can remain unaffected by it.
I learned long ago to never put all my eggs in one basket, or become too dependent on any place or group of people, so I will be ok, no matter where this all goes. But I also have made some very good friends here, and coming here to be among them has become a rewarding part of my daily life that I would very much miss.
I’m just not seeing much indication that this ongoing, reoccuring situation is being effectively addressed by anyone with the power to do so, Alice, which to me, is the saddest part of this.
But thanks for the hug: can’t have too many of those!
I just got some comfort from Late Night FDL TRex quoting the Pickwick Papers over at FireDog Lake. Nothing ever changes.
Your view of the Bootrib applies as well to the USA. The whole world is in flux and we’re all tossed on the waves. Other people may not do what they say they will and will not do what we think they should do. That’s the way it’s supposed to be – I think.
I left dKos for a long time, but go back now. It hasn’t changed to my liking, but there it is. I’ll still be here – it’s one place where I can feel free to express myself. I think Martin does the best he can.
People are strange. You may be right – not a passing thing. I try to see everything as evolutionary for the human species. Like now we’re figuring out how to live without war.
Hope to see you around.
Everything is always in process of changing, I agree, Alice, and while change can be painful, in my own life, the benefits of even the most difficult change always ends up providing some forward movement and growth. The one big change in dealing with this that I was forced to make, is to allow myself to be human enough to acknowledge that sometimes it hurts like hell while it’s going on. To firmly, stubbornly deny that I had human reactions to life’s hard times, was what kept me addicted to alcohol.
So now I feel it all, the joys and the pains. The joys seem to last a whole lot longer than the pain, which has a way of passing though and on past, when it is acknowleged , and when needed, shared.
of the internet that aggravates, and may even cause, this kind of rupture/strife/rage etc.
For all the very good stuff that the internet brings – new “communities”, instant communication around the world, unprecedented access to news and information – there’s something not entirely wholesome about its energy.
From what I can gather, this kind of controversy has happened in most online “communities”, from the WELL to big BBs and political blogs to small email groups devoted to uncontroversial stuff like dogs, quilting, mystery novels, etc.
I’m not sure if it’s the fact that the communication isn’t face-to-face, or if we have overly high expectations of our online interactions, or if the internet aggravates people’s underlying feelings of confusion/anxiety/paranoia/rage/malice. But something is definitely going on.
These big crises tend to have a distinct pattern: they ratchet up to a fever pitch, largely because of misinterpretations of someone’s remarks/actions, and then explode. That’s when people get hurt. It would be great if there could be a Time Out, a cooling-off period (perhaps accompanied by a visit to a “Personal Abuse Diary” where the rage and disappointment could be offloaded) before anyone got banned.
I agree, hrh, this always seems to happen, sooner or later, in one way or another, anytime any group of people gather together for long, online OR face to face. (look at work place drama). Online groups do face added hazards due to only have the written word to work with, with no non verbal communication cues. Plus, it’s just easier to let fly at someone you don’t have to ever see.
In the past, before blogs, I moderated several large forums/emial groups. It was an immense, time consuming challenge,even though I had years of professional training and experience in group facilitation. It took every bit of it, too. As much as we all would love to believe democracy works, the fact is there still needs to be some measure of strong, objective, balanced leadership to knit groups together and keep them strong.
Knowing this, after I left Kos, I vowed never to become attached to any more online “communities”, yet here I am again. I guess even I long for a sense of “community,” along with everyone else, huh?
We all long for that sense od community. I missed what ever happened in the last few days do to my own life crisis. LOL I do not even want to know what happened or any of the links. I know people come and go from blogs and email groups all the time. I, myself, have taken offense over something or become mad and left groups before. It is part of life. I do try to leave with a sense of style and grace instead of causing strife for the entire group. LOL There will always be people I do not agree with or who piss me off even in the Liberal World, but as I get older, I have learned to voice my concern to them and then move on to the next topic.
Hope your own life crisis has resolved itself in a good way.
Thank you. It has or is on it’s way to being resolved. LOL
Thanks, scribe. I stopped reading those threads late yesterday so I apparently missed these developments. My head was spinning from the back and forth of things.
I will be sad to not regularly see those who choose to leave. Holding them close while you can is a very good idea.
Just spent some quiet moments with a sleepy cat and remembered some things I truly do believe, that comfort me at times like this.
From chaos, comes change. Change is often unwelcome when the status quo is safe and comfortable. It is hard to let go of what “is”, when there are only unknowns ahead.
If there were never any chaos, there would never be any reason to change, never any challenged to stretch or grow as human beings.
Which is something we each must do in our own way and our own time, starting from where we each just are now.
Funny how one can “know” this, and believe it fully in one’s rational mind, yet still end up reacting with such strong and painful emotions when in the middle of chaos, huh?
The only explanation I can come up with for this, is that humans are pretty complex and fallible creatures made of many parts: mind, body, spirit and emotions. And if we want to be fully human, (so we can feel love and joy and all those wondrous emotions,)we will also feel the full spectrum of all of our emotions. And that’s ok. It really is ok.
I am sad too Scribe, really sad.
I have a lot of things to say about all of this but not sure I am ready to say them. I have been at this point before and each time my comfort on this site has been diminished. I still read it many times during the day, first stop in the morning and last stop at night, but don’t comment all that frequently any more due to all that has gone down in the past.
However this time feels really different, and that is concerning Super and Spider. I am not sure I can ever get past the words that have been said by Booman in regards to both of them.
I am trying to determine if that is my bottom line or if there is a still deeper bottom line, but all in all it is affecting what I feel is intergrity of both this site and me personally. How much am I willing to tolerate that will not leave me by association less than I desire.
I always hate closing doors, that is rarely a good thing unless the room has to be closed off for the sanity of those in the other room, me in particular.
I have stood for this site, praised this site to the high heavens, went out and sought more members, welcomed them into a new home and nurtured them to the best of my ability. I can no longer do this as the things that I thought this site stood for no longer exist.
This particular problem will end or dim, but it will erupt again that you can count on or as Gilroy says, bet on it!
Perhaps it is best that I fade away, the pain is great witnessing the devolution.
In any case I have yet to make a decision.
I relate to most of what you say here, Diane, and like you, I have not made any decision to close any doors. (That along with flying off the handle and posting in anger,) is something else I’ve usually regretted doing in the past.
I am encouraged to see Boo says he is open for a discussion about how to better manage situations like this, (over in the Open Thread,), if someone started a diary on it. I’ve read some of your suggestions and they make some sense to me. Would you consider starting one up?
Please see diary>
Thanks, Diane..this is taking things to a much more constructive level. Gotta go now and get some things done, but will check back in later on.
All I can say right now Diane is “ditto” (while I must humbly add that I have not done all you have to make this site such a special place.)
We’ll maybe I’ll reserve judgement. just maybe.
No, but lurking will probably now be a permanent thing for me.
Sorry about the length, but might I also add that in addition to sad, I am also baffled? Pls pity the poor lurker for the ignorance exposed below. I just want to better understand blowups like this Marisacat deal, etc.
Seems logical to moderate somewhat–“lose” a vicious ad hominem attack here & there, & maybe create a special playpen on the server for the 10-page string cycles of “you are all pathetic leftists/crypto-centrists/america-hating tools of evil,” followed by useless engagement, then “halt, Troll!”/”will not” and back again. But just what’s up with these Numbering systems? Are they “good dog” “bad dog” ratings? Is there a general philosophy, is it a caste system, or what?
Reading comments on Boo is usually rewarding. Kos ended up embarrassing even a lurker, what/w the rating wars, comments on ratings, the overgrown adolescents complete with cliques, slam-books, and huffy drama-queen walk-outs. Have read blogs for just a few years, but still have this notion that the comments might enhance my perspective, offer a range of views–you know, like non-full-moon Boo & some of the other great blogs.
Backstory: I am still pretty ignorant, and thus do not often play in the Comments sandbox. My first assay at commenting (elsewhere) roused a 1st responder who addressed me as a “college student… yet another Michael Moore parrot” and ordered me to stick to reading my Chomsky (ok, it was too funny to sting much, seeing as I’m a 40+ dropout, don’t know Noam, haven’t seen any Moore flicks, and my political inspiration tends to come from J Milton and 17th c Parliamentarians). Sure the reply came from a visiting right-winger, but between that and the blogs with their byzantine ratings systems, I tend to stay out of the fray. Even here, I shut up unless there’s a post on impeachment (esp if there’s also a Cromwell quote), for sadly–while one eye might have opened in the Clinton years–it took W to fully awaken the latent Activist gene bequeathed by my socialist grandma – who chose to die at 97, mainly because her aging eyes & ears prevented her from keeping up with the news and watching McNeil-Lehrer (Grandma would have loved the blogoshere).
But oh, the backbiting! Here’s a case where it DOES matter what the “neighbors” might think. One of the only parts of the M-cat comments that made me proud (briefly) was the grown-up attempt to make peace over the “overweight” remarks. That was cool.
PS: Yeah, I mostly lurk, but for what little it’s worth I do fax my congress-people (no one reads them, but email is even more of a waste)… am working up to phone calls, tho, honest.
I love the Milton reference. I lean toward the iconoclast tradition myself. Cromwell quotes are always welcomed.
Yes, me too. Although at this point it feels more like resignation with sadness.
Since last June, or July or whenever the heck it was I have had to pull myself back from these “dysfunctional family” episodes here. I stepped back then and have taken several steps back since.
I haven’t said much about my more limited time spent here because I just promised myself I would never do a GBCW diary or comment. . .and I had no perception that there would be any point in it any way.
We each weathered the storms in whatever way best helped us through it. Some got more active, some got less, some just left. And there are many voices I miss that I just don’t now what happened to them. I just one day realize that I haven’t seen any comments or participation from them for a very long time.
But I will have to say when the Susan Hu mess went down, “you” (meaning the greater community) just lost me. In my opinion she was one of the best writers, reporters and tireless contributors to this or any site I have ever seen. To see her relentlessly attacked even after several very sincere apologies from her to those who felt offended was more heartbreaking a thing than I cared to witness. I have never recovered from that “family” episode. Perhaps I am not capable of it. And it is certainly my problem and no one else’s.
Each and every recurring dust up of old unresolved angers and hurts between some members here moves me back a little bit more. Then to see people like Spidey banned (yeah, yeah, I know all the arguments) and DamnitJanet, Supersoling and Leezy telling us goodbye is really such a great loss for this community I cannot calculate it. No doubt new, strong voices will be found and blog life will go on. But it will never be the home it once was, or I felt it was, for me. And I couldn’t be more in agreement with any who say to me, “Big Deal” who the hell cares whether you participate here or not.
So now it will take more time to track down these ones that I respect and care so much about and visit wherever it is that is lucky enough to have their voices heard and that will for sure mean even less time spent here.
These are just my opinions as I have tried to sail the choppy seas. No doubt others have better solutions to these things than I do. I accept that each does what personally serves them best. . .but being the selfish old bag that I am, I don’t have to like it.
Love and hugs to you all,
Shirl