We haven’t had one of these in a while. This is a thread for newbies to ask questions and introduce themselves, for lurkers to make one of their rare comments, and for everyone to throw ‘4’s around.
Martin Longman a contributing editor at the Washington Monthly.
He is also the founder of Booman Tribune and Progress Pond. He has a degree in philosophy from Western Michigan University.
This will be a good chance for me to practice voting. Any tips are welcome. Do I have to hit the ‘set’ button to register the vote? Oh, by the way, if anyone thinks I should leave, now would be a good time to say so.
The voting is the comment voting that I never did seem to be sure I’m doing right. I think it might be the Diebold persistent cookies I can’t delete.
Thanks. There has to be several horrendous activities in the wake of my opinions but I’m not sure what they are. No harm is ever intended. I just figure it’s more efficient to ask once in a while instead of guessing.
Click on the rating – 4 – and then click off to the side of the rating window. Do this for any comments you want to rate. When you get to the last comment – hit “Rate All” only once to get them all!
When posting a comment, before hitting “Rate All” it will wipe out any ratings.
So – to post a comment while rating – right mouse click “reply to this” and click on “open in new window”. Make your comment in the new window, post, and close the window.
This leaves any ratings intact in the original window.
Thanks. One thing that’s confusing for me is that the rating doesn’t clear after anyting I hit. That’s what made ne think the votes weren’t registering.
I’d like to answer your question but I’m not understanding it. What do you mean by “the rating doesn’t clear”?
If you haven’t “got it” yet, here’s another go.
To rate one comment: Click on the “None” and pull down to “4-Excellent” and let go. Make sure that where it said “None” before, it now says “4-Excellent.” Now click the “Rate all” button next to it.
(It will still say “4-Excellent” – is that what you mean by “doesn’t clear”?)
To rate more than one comment: Pull down to “4-Excellent” on several comments and THEN click “Rate all.”
Note that you have to click the “Rate all” button BEFORE you hit the “Recommend” button or post a comment – otherwise all your 4’s will be lost and you’ll have to start over handing them out. I’ve given many more 4’s than folks here will ever know because I keep forgetting this.
Just checked (by clicking on your name and then on “Ratings” on your page) and it looks like you’ve given out LOTS of 4’s. I think your voting is working just fine.
Three Texas plastic surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed.
One of them said, “I’m the best plastic surgeon in Texas. A concert pianist lost 7 fingers in an accident, I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England.”
One of the others said. “That’s nothing. A young man lost both arms and legs in an accident, I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold medal in 5 field events in the Olympics.”
The third surgeon said, “You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a cowboy who was high on cocaine and alcohol rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the horse’s ass and a cowboy hat. Now he’s president of the United States.”
“I think with a lifetime appointment to the Supreme Court, you can’t play, you know, hide the salami, or whatever it’s called.” –Democratic Party Chairman Howard Dean, urging President Bush to make public Supreme Court nominee Harriet Miers’s White House records, Oct. 5, 2005
“I do know that it’s true that if you wanted to reduce crime, you could, if that were your sole purpose, you could abort every black baby in this country, and your crime rate would go down.” –Bill Bennett, former Education Secretary and author of “The Book of Virtues,” Sept. 28, 2005
“What I’m hearing which is sort of scary is that they all want to stay in Texas. Everybody is so overwhelmed by the hospitality. And so many of the people in the arena here, you know, were underprivileged anyway so this (chuckle) – this is working very well for them.” –Former First Lady Barbara Bush, on the hurricane evacuees at the Astrodome in Houston, Sept. 5, 2005
“See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda.” –George W. Bush, Greece, N.Y., May 24, 2005
I haven’t been been around here much the past few weeks, mostly because I was out of the office (a good thing, to be sure) and at home I have only the world’s slowest laptop (circa 1996) and a BlackBerry. The latter device is fine, except that at sites like this one, with a long column of ads on the left-hand side, the front page takes a long time to load and is then very difficult to maneuver around. (I have to be careful around here, but the orange place is thus much more portable device-friendly.)
As a result of my absence, my mojo has pretty much evaporated. But that’s okay, since much of what I’ve wanted to say of late would only cut across the prevailing sentiments here, and as stated above, I wouldn’t be in a position to engage in extended discussion.
By the way, did anyone else smell something funny about that whole Farris Hassan story the moment it was first reported? I was convinced from the get-go that it was an entirely manufactured story where the real facts would bear little resemblance to the initial breathless reports, and now that seems to be slowly coming out. But the traditional media was typically lemming-like in their rush to cover his grand adventure, never stopping to think that it all sounded a bit too much like a well-edited press release. That, and the fact that the right-wing commentariat was so fulsome in its praise for his “brave” actions.
.
My hotlist is usually 30 diaries in length, takes up quite some space. This makes it more difficult to reach the recommended diaries and recent diary entries.
Would it be logical to have the hotlist shown only when a button specifically collects the list for viewing?
“Treason doth never prosper: what’s the reason?
For if it prosper, none dare call it treason.”
to post this joke — it’s from one of our five Page-A-Day calendars:
A veteran police dog applied for work with the FBI. “Well,” said the skeptical personnel director, “you’ll have to meet some strict requirements. First, you must type at least 60 words per minute.”
Sitting at the word processor, the dog typed 80 words in a minute with no mistakes.
“Also,” said the director, “you must complete the obstacle course in one minute flat.”
The dog needed only 50 seconds.
“There’s one last requirement,” the director said with a sly smile. “You must be bilingual.”
The dog looked at him and said, “Meow!”
I know, I know, you said good jokes…
[The five calendars we have: 365 Jokes, Puns & Riddles (which is where this came from), 365 Stupidest Things Ever Said, ‘Scuse Me While I Kiss This Guy (misheard song lyrics), Poker: The Real Deal (by Phil Gordon), and Crochet Pattern-A-Day]
but it rates high in the Semi-Productive Waste of Time category: a 365 Sudoku puzzle calendar.
For those who haven’t fallen into its clutches, Sudoku is a deceptively simple logic puzzle. Check out the Wikipedia entry for information on the puzzle and links to Internet sudoku sites.
It’s proved very addictive around our house; I have to buy at least two and sometimes three of any sudoku puzzle books I get so we don’t have to fight over them. Recently I’ve tapered off a bit, though, because it’s been distracting me from one of my other Christmas presents — Civilization IV. I have to limit my Civ IV activity to a couple of half-hour sessions a day or I’ll never get anything done, including bathing, eating and sleeping.
Lake City, Florida, about halfway between Jacksonville and Tallahassee, has a Chinese restaurant (did, last time I was through there several years ago) called the Fu King Restaurant.
I told a friend last night that I was going to change my name to Selma Bouvier, which he immediately took to mean sell my booty-eh (uh, no), but with that name, at that restaurant, I might just have a second career.
Only problem is if Barney starts hanging out there rather than Moe’s Tavern. (yes, I watched the Simpson’s last night.)
Moe-
“Homer Sexual?”
“Is there a Homer Sexual in the bar?”
and how about them longhorns? was that not a great college playoff game? (and I don’t even really watch football.) I didn’t care who won, but it was sure fun to watch.
p.s. I got my mojo woikin’ at the blues jam on Tues…does that count here?
Two little old Southern ladies sat rocking together on the back porch, sharing the news.
One old lady said to the other: ‘I just got back from a trip to New York City!’
‘You don’t say!’ said the other.
‘Yes. You know, they got men up there who love other men! They’re called gay.’
‘You don’t say!’
‘Yes. And you know, they got women up there who love other women! They’re called lesbians.’
‘You don’t say!’
‘Yes. And you know, they got men up there who like to kiss women’s private parts!’
‘And what do they call them?’
‘Well .. when I finally caught my breath I called him Precious!’
while not new, has a certain timeless quality, given its subject matter:
A man enters a bar and orders a drink. The bar has a robot bartender. The robot serves him a perfectly prepared cocktail, and then asks him, “What’s your IQ?” The man replies “150” and the robot proceeds to make conversation about global warming factors, quantum physics and spirituality, environmental interconnectedness, string theory, nano-technology, and sexual proclivities.
The customer is very impressed and thinks, “This is really cool.” He decides to test the robot. He walks out of the bar, turns around, and comes back in for another drink. Again, the robot serves him a perfectly prepared drink and asks him, “What’s your IQ?” The man responds, “About 100.” Immediately the robot starts talking, but this time about football, NASCAR, baseball, supermodels, favorite fast foods, guns, and women’s breasts.
Really impressed, the man decides to give the robot one more test. He heads on out of the bar, then returns. The robot serves him and asks, “What’s your IQ?” The man replies, “Er, 50, I think.” And the robot says … real slowly, “So …………… ya gonna vote for Bush again?”
A little girl asks her mother where babies come from.
The mother sits down and explains it to her, simply but accurately.
“And that is how you get a baby,” she finishes.
“That’s really cool! Thanks, mom!” says the little girl, and runs off to play.
A few days later, the mother finds the little girl at the kitchen table, looking thoughful.
“Mom,” she says. Remember the other day you told me about daddies and penises and mommies and vaginas and the daddy puts it in there and that’s how you get a baby?
“Yes, dear, of course I remember,” says the mother.
“Well this morning you left the bedroom door open and when I looked in it looked like you were kissing daddy’s penis.”
The mother is somewhat flustered, but decides to just go on preparing the breakfast.
“So what I want to know,” her daughter continues “if when the penis goes in the vagina you get a baby, when it goes in the mouth what do you get?”
The mother smiles and serves the little girl her breakfast.
I just heard Jon Stewart is going to host the Oscars this year. They’re on Sunday March 5th. Can’t wait to hear what he has to say about this administration. The other delicious thing about this year’s Oscars are how many movies have a political bent. Good Night, Good Luck, Brokeback Mountain, Syrianna and Munich to name but a few.
Also, shameless whoring for mojo since I lost my TU status ages ago.
Vun Sunday, last summer, Ole (oh-lee) and Lina (lee-na) ver sittin’ in da keetchen havin’ coffee and donuts talkin’ over da events of that veek.
Lina says to Ole, “Ya don’t suppose you could take a look at da car, it yoost doesn’t start up like it yoost to.
Ole, gettin’ huffy, says, “Who do you t’ink I am, Mr Goodwrench?”
Vell den it got qviet for a vile. Den Lina says, “Ole, ya don’t suppose you could take a look at the vawsher machine, it yoost doesn’t drain da vater out like it yooost to.”
Ole, gettin’ huffy again, says, “Who do you t’ink I am da Maytag repairman?
Vell, den, dat vus the end of the conversation for Sunday. Monday afternoon Ole goes to town for parts for da John Deere combine [thrashing machine], and some groceries, but before he heads home he stops be Tryg’s Tavern for a few beers. Not long before sundown he heads on home.
Vell, by Got, now he’s in the mood for some mechanic verk!! So he pulls his ’52 Chevy pickup up next to the garage. Goes in and turns the key on the Oldsmobile.
Vrrrmmm, vrrrmm, fires right up and runs like a top. [Aside: if’n ya don’t know what a top is talk to your elders.]So Ole shakes his head, sorta puzzled.
Den, next ting, he goes in da back door of da farmhouse and sees Lina folding fresh laundery.
“Hmmmfff!!!” he says, “Vut gives? Da Olds fired right up and runs like a top, and here ya are vit da laundry done.”
“Vell,” say Lina, (hands on her hips, and a stern look in her eye) “I had to take matters into my own hans.”
“Vut dus dat mean?” Ole asks.
“Vell,” says Lina, “I called Mr Goodwrench and he came out and fixed da car. And I called da Maytag repairman and he came out and fixed da vashing machine.”
“Vell,” says Ole, “vut did that cost us den?”
Lina says, “Vell, I told them they could have either sex or pies.”
First heard the joke in German and then later in English:
Scientists have been doing a lot of research on orgasms recently and determined that there are four distinct types.
The positive – “Yes oh yes oh yes oh yes yes yes”
The negative – “No no no nein nyet no oh no”
The religious – “oh god oh god oh god”
The impossible – “oh Booman oh booman oh booman”
This guy’s stuck on the LA Freeway, and he’s just been sitting there for a half hour when he sees someone come walking down the line of cars, having a few words with each driver. He comes to the guy’s car and the guy asks him what’s up. “President Bush’s motorcade was up there, and terrorists captured him and they’re holding him for ransom. They say if they don’t get a million dollars, they’ll pour gas on him and set his car on fire. So we’re taking up a collection from the cars here.”
“I see. Well, how much are people giving, on average?”
This will be a good chance for me to practice voting. Any tips are welcome. Do I have to hit the ‘set’ button to register the vote? Oh, by the way, if anyone thinks I should leave, now would be a good time to say so.
Knock, knock
Who’s there
F-B-I
uh-oh
Good grief! I’ve been away, so I may not know something truly ghastly you’ve done. I doubt it, since I’ve read your posts so often.
Whatever you do, don’t leave!
BTW, what are you voting on?
The voting is the comment voting that I never did seem to be sure I’m doing right. I think it might be the Diebold persistent cookies I can’t delete.
Thanks. There has to be several horrendous activities in the wake of my opinions but I’m not sure what they are. No harm is ever intended. I just figure it’s more efficient to ask once in a while instead of guessing.
BTW, glad you’re back.
Leave??? No way….we need all voices….!!
I’m going to keep throwing 4s at you until some of them stick.
I like the wide variety of voices too.
Voting seems to work sometimes….
Okay…trick to 4’s….
Click on the rating – 4 – and then click off to the side of the rating window. Do this for any comments you want to rate. When you get to the last comment – hit “Rate All” only once to get them all!
When posting a comment, before hitting “Rate All” it will wipe out any ratings.
So – to post a comment while rating – right mouse click “reply to this” and click on “open in new window”. Make your comment in the new window, post, and close the window.
This leaves any ratings intact in the original window.
Thanks. One thing that’s confusing for me is that the rating doesn’t clear after anyting I hit. That’s what made ne think the votes weren’t registering.
I’d like to answer your question but I’m not understanding it. What do you mean by “the rating doesn’t clear”?
If you haven’t “got it” yet, here’s another go.
To rate one comment: Click on the “None” and pull down to “4-Excellent” and let go. Make sure that where it said “None” before, it now says “4-Excellent.” Now click the “Rate all” button next to it.
(It will still say “4-Excellent” – is that what you mean by “doesn’t clear”?)
To rate more than one comment: Pull down to “4-Excellent” on several comments and THEN click “Rate all.”
Note that you have to click the “Rate all” button BEFORE you hit the “Recommend” button or post a comment – otherwise all your 4’s will be lost and you’ll have to start over handing them out. I’ve given many more 4’s than folks here will ever know because I keep forgetting this.
Just checked (by clicking on your name and then on “Ratings” on your page) and it looks like you’ve given out LOTS of 4’s. I think your voting is working just fine.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
The PATRIOT Act says we don’t have to tell you.
Knock, knock.
“With our domestic surveillance powers, we already know who’s there, and we know everything about your life as well.”
Three Texas plastic surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed.
One of them said, “I’m the best plastic surgeon in Texas. A concert pianist lost 7 fingers in an accident, I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England.”
One of the others said. “That’s nothing. A young man lost both arms and legs in an accident, I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold medal in 5 field events in the Olympics.”
The third surgeon said, “You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a cowboy who was high on cocaine and alcohol rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the horse’s ass and a cowboy hat. Now he’s president of the United States.”
Political Humor
Peace
“I think with a lifetime appointment to the Supreme Court, you can’t play, you know, hide the salami, or whatever it’s called.” –Democratic Party Chairman Howard Dean, urging President Bush to make public Supreme Court nominee Harriet Miers’s White House records, Oct. 5, 2005
“I do know that it’s true that if you wanted to reduce crime, you could, if that were your sole purpose, you could abort every black baby in this country, and your crime rate would go down.” –Bill Bennett, former Education Secretary and author of “The Book of Virtues,” Sept. 28, 2005
“What I’m hearing which is sort of scary is that they all want to stay in Texas. Everybody is so overwhelmed by the hospitality. And so many of the people in the arena here, you know, were underprivileged anyway so this (chuckle) – this is working very well for them.” –Former First Lady Barbara Bush, on the hurricane evacuees at the Astrodome in Houston, Sept. 5, 2005
“See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda.” –George W. Bush, Greece, N.Y., May 24, 2005
pulls out a tiny piano and stool, and a tiny little man. The tiny man sits down, and starts to play the piano. This other guy notices it.
“Hey, what’s that?”
“A twelve-inch pianist. Ya see, I found this magic lamp, rubbed it, made a wish and received this twelve inch pianist.”
“Can I try?”
The man with the piano agrees and a minute later, a million ducks fill the room.
“Ducks? I didn’t wish for a million ducks, I wished for a million bucks!”
“And ya think I really wished for a twelve inch pianist?”
I haven’t been been around here much the past few weeks, mostly because I was out of the office (a good thing, to be sure) and at home I have only the world’s slowest laptop (circa 1996) and a BlackBerry. The latter device is fine, except that at sites like this one, with a long column of ads on the left-hand side, the front page takes a long time to load and is then very difficult to maneuver around. (I have to be careful around here, but the orange place is thus much more portable device-friendly.)
As a result of my absence, my mojo has pretty much evaporated. But that’s okay, since much of what I’ve wanted to say of late would only cut across the prevailing sentiments here, and as stated above, I wouldn’t be in a position to engage in extended discussion.
By the way, did anyone else smell something funny about that whole Farris Hassan story the moment it was first reported? I was convinced from the get-go that it was an entirely manufactured story where the real facts would bear little resemblance to the initial breathless reports, and now that seems to be slowly coming out. But the traditional media was typically lemming-like in their rush to cover his grand adventure, never stopping to think that it all sounded a bit too much like a well-edited press release. That, and the fact that the right-wing commentariat was so fulsome in its praise for his “brave” actions.
No time for jokes at work today….too many meetings…will drop back with mojo galore!
.
My hotlist is usually 30 diaries in length, takes up quite some space. This makes it more difficult to reach the recommended diaries and recent diary entries.
Would it be logical to have the hotlist shown only when a button specifically collects the list for viewing?
“Treason doth never prosper: what’s the reason?
For if it prosper, none dare call it treason.”
▼ ▼ ▼ Breaking News ::
that’s a good idea. I’ll look into it.
Ladies and Gentlemen, the President of the United States of America, George W. Bus. Haven’t laughed much since!
to post this joke — it’s from one of our five Page-A-Day calendars:
A veteran police dog applied for work with the FBI. “Well,” said the skeptical personnel director, “you’ll have to meet some strict requirements. First, you must type at least 60 words per minute.”
Sitting at the word processor, the dog typed 80 words in a minute with no mistakes.
“Also,” said the director, “you must complete the obstacle course in one minute flat.”
The dog needed only 50 seconds.
“There’s one last requirement,” the director said with a sly smile. “You must be bilingual.”
The dog looked at him and said, “Meow!”
I know, I know, you said good jokes…
[The five calendars we have: 365 Jokes, Puns & Riddles (which is where this came from), 365 Stupidest Things Ever Said, ‘Scuse Me While I Kiss This Guy (misheard song lyrics), Poker: The Real Deal (by Phil Gordon), and Crochet Pattern-A-Day]
but then I am proud to be easily amused 😀
but it rates high in the Semi-Productive Waste of Time category: a 365 Sudoku puzzle calendar.
For those who haven’t fallen into its clutches, Sudoku is a deceptively simple logic puzzle. Check out the Wikipedia entry for information on the puzzle and links to Internet sudoku sites.
It’s proved very addictive around our house; I have to buy at least two and sometimes three of any sudoku puzzle books I get so we don’t have to fight over them. Recently I’ve tapered off a bit, though, because it’s been distracting me from one of my other Christmas presents — Civilization IV. I have to limit my Civ IV activity to a couple of half-hour sessions a day or I’ll never get anything done, including bathing, eating and sleeping.
Hello?
I beileve I’d probably say: ‘Hello.’ 😉
I would say,
“Hello, fook mee Restaurant.”
Because that’s how it’s really pronounced.
Lake City, Florida, about halfway between Jacksonville and Tallahassee, has a Chinese restaurant (did, last time I was through there several years ago) called the Fu King Restaurant.
I’ve heard of those up north, too. Must be a chain.
Is there a location in this Austrian Village?
I told a friend last night that I was going to change my name to Selma Bouvier, which he immediately took to mean sell my booty-eh (uh, no), but with that name, at that restaurant, I might just have a second career.
Only problem is if Barney starts hanging out there rather than Moe’s Tavern. (yes, I watched the Simpson’s last night.)
Moe-
“Homer Sexual?”
“Is there a Homer Sexual in the bar?”
and how about them longhorns? was that not a great college playoff game? (and I don’t even really watch football.) I didn’t care who won, but it was sure fun to watch.
p.s. I got my mojo woikin’ at the blues jam on Tues…does that count here?
You don’t have a friend named Anita Hardwin, do you?
An oldie but goodie:
Two little old Southern ladies sat rocking together on the back porch, sharing the news.
One old lady said to the other: ‘I just got back from a trip to New York City!’
‘You don’t say!’ said the other.
‘Yes. You know, they got men up there who love other men! They’re called gay.’
‘You don’t say!’
‘Yes. And you know, they got women up there who love other women! They’re called lesbians.’
‘You don’t say!’
‘Yes. And you know, they got men up there who like to kiss women’s private parts!’
‘And what do they call them?’
‘Well .. when I finally caught my breath I called him Precious!’
Three old ladies were riding in the back of the bus, when a guy in a trenchcoat boarded and flashed them.
The first one had a stroke.
The second one had a stroke.
The third one wouldn’t touch it…
Joe came home one afternoon just completely worn out and disheveled.
“What on earth happened to you?” his wife asked. “I thought you were just going out to play golf with the guys.”
“I was,” Joe panted as he flopped down into his easy chair.
“Well, what happened?”
“You know Harry, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, Harry, bless his soul, he dropped over dead on the first tee.”
“Oh, that’s terrible!”
“Yeah, and from then on it was hit the ball and drag Harry. Hit the ball and drag Harry . . .“
while not new, has a certain timeless quality, given its subject matter:
>.>
<.<
.
A little girl asks her mother where babies come from.
The mother sits down and explains it to her, simply but accurately.
“And that is how you get a baby,” she finishes.
“That’s really cool! Thanks, mom!” says the little girl, and runs off to play.
A few days later, the mother finds the little girl at the kitchen table, looking thoughful.
“Mom,” she says. Remember the other day you told me about daddies and penises and mommies and vaginas and the daddy puts it in there and that’s how you get a baby?
“Yes, dear, of course I remember,” says the mother.
“Well this morning you left the bedroom door open and when I looked in it looked like you were kissing daddy’s penis.”
The mother is somewhat flustered, but decides to just go on preparing the breakfast.
“So what I want to know,” her daughter continues “if when the penis goes in the vagina you get a baby, when it goes in the mouth what do you get?”
The mother smiles and serves the little girl her breakfast.
“Jewelry, dear.”
from this “lady” — I loved it! (And so did the spouse when I read it to him…)
I just heard Jon Stewart is going to host the Oscars this year. They’re on Sunday March 5th. Can’t wait to hear what he has to say about this administration. The other delicious thing about this year’s Oscars are how many movies have a political bent. Good Night, Good Luck, Brokeback Mountain, Syrianna and Munich to name but a few.
Also, shameless whoring for mojo since I lost my TU status ages ago.
Vun Sunday, last summer, Ole (oh-lee) and Lina (lee-na) ver sittin’ in da keetchen havin’ coffee and donuts talkin’ over da events of that veek.
Lina says to Ole, “Ya don’t suppose you could take a look at da car, it yoost doesn’t start up like it yoost to.
Ole, gettin’ huffy, says, “Who do you t’ink I am, Mr Goodwrench?”
Vell den it got qviet for a vile. Den Lina says, “Ole, ya don’t suppose you could take a look at the vawsher machine, it yoost doesn’t drain da vater out like it yooost to.”
Ole, gettin’ huffy again, says, “Who do you t’ink I am da Maytag repairman?
Vell, den, dat vus the end of the conversation for Sunday. Monday afternoon Ole goes to town for parts for da John Deere combine [thrashing machine], and some groceries, but before he heads home he stops be Tryg’s Tavern for a few beers. Not long before sundown he heads on home.
Vell, by Got, now he’s in the mood for some mechanic verk!! So he pulls his ’52 Chevy pickup up next to the garage. Goes in and turns the key on the Oldsmobile.
Vrrrmmm, vrrrmm, fires right up and runs like a top. [Aside: if’n ya don’t know what a top is talk to your elders.]So Ole shakes his head, sorta puzzled.
Den, next ting, he goes in da back door of da farmhouse and sees Lina folding fresh laundery.
“Hmmmfff!!!” he says, “Vut gives? Da Olds fired right up and runs like a top, and here ya are vit da laundry done.”
“Vell,” say Lina, (hands on her hips, and a stern look in her eye) “I had to take matters into my own hans.”
“Vut dus dat mean?” Ole asks.
“Vell,” says Lina, “I called Mr Goodwrench and he came out and fixed da car. And I called da Maytag repairman and he came out and fixed da vashing machine.”
“Vell,” says Ole, “vut did that cost us den?”
Lina says, “Vell, I told them they could have either sex or pies.”
Ole says, “Vut kind of pie did ya mak’m den?
Lina says, “Who do ya t’ink I am, Betty Crocker?”
What’s the worst thing about being an atheist?
No one to talk to when you have an orgasm.
I have to admit I was stumped for a while on that one… but I’ll not admit to how long…
Q. What do you get when you cross an atheist with a Jehovah’s Witness?
A. Someone who goes around the neighborhood knocking on doors for no reason…
First heard the joke in German and then later in English:
This guy’s stuck on the LA Freeway, and he’s just been sitting there for a half hour when he sees someone come walking down the line of cars, having a few words with each driver. He comes to the guy’s car and the guy asks him what’s up. “President Bush’s motorcade was up there, and terrorists captured him and they’re holding him for ransom. They say if they don’t get a million dollars, they’ll pour gas on him and set his car on fire. So we’re taking up a collection from the cars here.”
“I see. Well, how much are people giving, on average?”
“Two or three gallons.”
I’d give you a 4 but the thread is so long that the rate button is gone for me.
(just another aspect of the Scoop conspiracy to discriminate against people with fine museum quality computers and dial-up connections)